About 2 weeks or more ago i told my mum that i want to be a woman she did not take it too well. But last week she said i have a choice to make weather i want to be a man or a woman and she said that if i make the wrong choice i will miss out on a lot of things in life.

I feel that maybe i should tell her my choice iv made. I just do not know how she will take it. For years iv had clinical depression and every time it goes away when i am being Sarah. I am always happy and more full of life when i am sarah and i can function more as a person.

I think my mum does not under stand a lot of things i think at the bottom of it all she pictures trans people as being drag queens the kind you see on tv and she believes that we dress as woman because we are gay and want to be with a man.

I have not always felt that i wanted to be a woman. I never knew i could be until i turned 18 and had access to the internet for the first time.

There where times in the past when i was a child i had chance to dress in girls clothes but i felt too embarrassed. Some years later i remembered that even and had another chance too try on woman's clothes and i did over a space of 4 years i eventually brought my own clothes and then tried other things like make up and woman's things around this time i was nearly 18 had the internet and found out that i could be a woman and that is when i started to feel that i wanted to be a woman and change my body.

The only few things that stopped me in the past have been a medical condition which iv had fixed so that is out of the picture. The other thing was the face that i will miss out on having children. The other thing was my parents and relatives because i feared losing them so for a long time i tried to hide my feelings and ignore them which just caused me to feel low and upset a lot.

Now i would rather be happy and not hide who i am and if my family get upset i will have to live with that.

One of my bug fears is stay living as a male to keep the peace and one day having a wife and kids as james i think that would complicate things and it would be unfair to my wife and kids because if i changed then i think it would be hard on them.

The way i felt since i was in my teens i would never want children and bring them in to this world the way things are.

The problem at hand is i do not know how i am going to help my mum understand my choices and i do not know when i can start my road to transitioning. I would go out tomorrow go see my GP here in England and tell them how i feel and see if ic an get a referral.

Since i live with my parents i do not think i could transition because somewhere down the line i will need to live as a woman in order to start hrt and then further down the line srs and i do not think i could do that at home. I have a backup plan well two actually first i am going to try go in to business with a mate of mine if that does not work then i will go to college take up photography my one true love in life.

Hopefully i will get enough money coming in to rent a flat somewhere and i will save up for treatment and hair removal and maybe ffs but i do not know much about ffs yet.

One other problem i face is being so tall i am 6 ft 2 and the only shoes i can get too fit a size 11 is high heels or Nike trainers.

Any problems i face i will find a solution too or work through because at the end of the day i want to be Sarah and be happy.

Much of what you are saying is pretty common.

You may have to educate your mom, but it sounds like she is trying, and that is a good first step. Talk to her, and be gentle. I'm not saying it will go perfect, but talk to her. It will be a while before you can get on hormones, much less see changes. There are steps and hoops to go through first. Learn about it, and read about others experiences more so you can share that information with her. As you go along, your parents may open up to it and actually help you. You do not need to live as a woman before starting hormones, usually you start them first, then start to live as a woman. You need a therapist first, who will need to get to know you and they will get you going down the path and can help sort out family issues as well as many of the problems you will encounter.

Realistically, there is really not much you really have to miss out on. In terms of kids, you can use a sperm bank, it's not THAT expensive. You can still get married, and things. It is not like you are being banished to another planet. Don't discount kids, as you become more yourself, you may really want them later, so either sperm bank, or remember there are lots of great kids who need parents to adopt them.

As for trying to keep the peace, many have done that. At some point you may just say it's no longer worth it and do what you need to do. Until you reach that point, you may have a hard time with this.


Lastly, your size is not an issue, while not that common, there are women of your stature. If you are muscular or overweight, losing some will decrease your shoe size a bit (in case you are curious) and some people do experience some height shrinkage on HRT, 3inches seems the most you can hope for, and 1 is more common. So you may lose a shoe size or more in the end.  There are places to buy larger shoes of almost any style you want, and places that can make a copy of any shoe you want in any size.

Quote from: Leslie Ann on March 23, 2009, 08:01:19 PM
Much of what you are saying is pretty common.

You may have to educate your mom, but it sounds like she is trying, and that is a good first step. Talk to her, and be gentle. I'm not saying it will go perfect, but talk to her. It will be a while before you can get on hormones, much less see changes. There are steps and hoops to go through first. Learn about it, and read about others experiences more so you can share that information with her. As you go along, your parents may open up to it and actually help you. You do not need to live as a woman before starting hormones, usually you start them first, then start to live as a woman. You need a therapist first, who will need to get to know you and they will get you going down the path and can help sort out family issues as well as many of the problems you will encounter.

Realistically, there is really not much you really have to miss out on. In terms of kids, you can use a sperm bank, it's not THAT expensive. You can still get married, and things. It is not like you are being banished to another planet. Don't discount kids, as you become more yourself, you may really want them later, so either sperm bank, or remember there are lots of great kids who need parents to adopt them.

As for trying to keep the peace, many have done that. At some point you may just say it's no longer worth it and do what you need to do. Until you reach that point, you may have a hard time with this.


Lastly, your size is not an issue, while not that common, there are women of your stature. If you are muscular or overweight, losing some will decrease your shoe size a bit (in case you are curious) and some people do experience some height shrinkage on HRT, 3inches seems the most you can hope for, and 1 is more common. So you may lose a shoe size or more in the end.  There are places to buy larger shoes of almost any style you want, and places that can make a copy of any shoe you want in any size.

I am going to try talk too my mum tomorrow I also plan on going to my gp either this week or next and seeing if i can get a referral. I want too try and start my journey as a woman. I hope that my parents do come round in time. I do not think they know how much i need their support but if i do not have it i will have to live with that. Iv got to learn too cope on my own some time.

There is a lot iv got to learn about hrt and transitioning i know quite a bit but i think the therapist can fill in the blanks. I would defiantly use a sperm bank or maybe adopt if i ever changed my mind.

I know that i cant keep the peace and hurt any more. These past few weeks have been harsh not just for me but my mum too. After my first talk i was upset and its taken me all most three weeks to get over it and last night i ended up crying a lot.

I hope this talk goes better. I think what upsets my mum the most is i think she feels that she will miss out on having grand kids. I do not know if i like men or woman so i do not know where i will end up relationship wise in the future maybe i will be a lesbian or straight i just do not know.

Quote from: xsarahx on March 24, 2009, 05:53:38 PM
I am going to try talk too my mum tomorrow I also plan on going to my gp either this week or next and seeing if i can get a referral. I want too try and start my journey as a woman. I hope that my parents do come round in time. I do not think they know how much i need their support but if i do not have it i will have to live with that. Iv got to learn too cope on my own some time.

There is a lot iv got to learn about hrt and transitioning i know quite a bit but i think the therapist can fill in the blanks. I would defiantly use a sperm bank or maybe adopt if i ever changed my mind.

I know that i cant keep the peace and hurt any more. These past few weeks have been harsh not just for me but my mum too. After my first talk i was upset and its taken me all most three weeks to get over it and last night i ended up crying a lot.

I hope this talk goes better. I think what upsets my mum the most is i think she feels that she will miss out on having grand kids. I do not know if i like men or woman so i do not know where i will end up relationship wise in the future maybe i will be a lesbian or straight i just do not know.

Gender issues often force sexuality to take a back seat. There is a chance you may not know for several years, don't try to rush it. You also forgot bi and pansexual, either of which may end up suiting you. You may go even through a period of pan, and then shift to one specific sex.

A good therapist will help you understand a lot of the process and guide you, which is good, however it never hurts to be informed better. Sometime people have found that there are alternatives to what they are being prescribed that works better for them.

Also you may learn about coping mechanisms which can help you deal with your GID until you are in a better position to start transition. Thinks like painting nails clear, wearing women's undergarments and pants, things no one would notice but you. They can make your day to day living a bit easier.

As much as everyone wants to jump in and go, take it slow. It is much safer and you are more likely to not lose as many friends or family (in theory anyhow).

The more you know also will help when discussing with your mom, if you have answers and know where you are heading she will likely accept it more, but also you may have the answers she needs to understand things better. Like kids, you can sperm bank, so there is a chance you can have a child later, even if you are not sure, let her know you are not opposed to it. The more educated you are on all of this the less likely she is going to think it is a phase.

I guess the sexuality thing makes sense. I got to go to the doctors Monday for a skin problem i am going too see if i can get a referral too.

I am not very good at reading people the reason i say this is because my mum today just out of the blue asked me if i wanted us to move back to our old town because she said she thinks it will make my happy and that iv been visiting there a lot lately.

I admit i cant hide the fact that i am unhappy a lot of the time. Today in MacDonald and the bus home i broke out in tears.

Moving house wont make me happy. Being myself will and maybe if i said that maybe it will help a bit. I just can not find the right moment to talk to my mum and i think maybe i am not ready. Just trying to makes me upset. I know enough too help her understand and maybe if she came to therapy too when i start maybe it would help.

I wear woman's clothes under my normal clothes to help cope and also paint my toe nails. I also get some me time at night. I think if it was not for that i would feel a lot worse.

I do feel that my parents think it is just a phase
but its been too long for a phase. I kept my feelings secret up until i was 18 and made one slip up and that is how i got found out.

I just wish i could cope better with the crying spells i keep having and the anxiety too.

A lot of women cry on a regular basis, it's not a big deal. I do at the drop of a hat at times, the trick is, try not to feel so embarrassed about it. You were taught that boys don't cry (such a stupid idea), now it's ingrained into you. It's okay to cry, you have to get over that idea. Girls cry, boys don't, you're a girl, so cry if it helps.

It may get better in time, it may not.

Just try not to rush things, or you can lead to bigger issues, just know you are heading the right direction.



Anyone else want to chime in? I see you all watching. 

Quote from: Leslie Ann on March 25, 2009, 08:11:33 PM
A lot of women cry on a regular basis, it's not a big deal. I do at the drop of a hat at times, the trick is, try not to feel so embarrassed about it. You were taught that boys don't cry (such a stupid idea), now it's ingrained into you. It's okay to cry, you have to get over that idea. Girls cry, boys don't, you're a girl, so cry if it helps.

It may get better in time, it may not.

Just try not to rush things, or you can lead to bigger issues, just know you are heading the right direction.



Anyone else want to chime in? I see you all watching. 

I have always thought it was a bad thing to cry that is why i bottled it up but it feels better to let it out.

I hope i am not rushing things iv had these feelings for years and Monday is my doctors appointment i am going to try get a referral. I feel that i do not want to be too old before i transition. I am 25 now and i just hoped that by the time i am 30ish i would have transitioned.

The only thing i am not sure about is what to tell the doctor on monday. my doctors is very small in a little village and i doubt they have come across people like me before.

Quote from: xsarahx on March 26, 2009, 05:41:19 AM
The only thing i am not sure about is what to tell the doctor on monday. my doctors is very small in a little village and i doubt they have come across people like me before.

Just tell him you are questioning your gender and would like a referral to a therapist who can help you sort things out. The doctor may ask more questions, they may may not. A doctor doesn't need to understand it in order to get you help, that is why they refer you to someone who does understand it.

Quote from: Leslie Ann on March 26, 2009, 03:01:52 PM
Just tell him you are questioning your gender and would like a referral to a therapist who can help you sort things out. The doctor may ask more questions, they may may not. A doctor doesn't need to understand it in order to get you help, that is why they refer you to someone who does understand it.

Thanks i will.

Since my last post i talked to my parents told them how i feel my mum wont want too see my anymore if i live as Sarah. Feel deeply hurt but i must carry on.

She may come around eventually.  It doesn't sound like she has gone crazy on you or anything, that is a good sign.

I hope she comes round in time. I really need my mum.