Have you ever wished you were not like you are; that you did not have the feelings and needs that you do. Do you hate living like this, always afraid someone would find out.
I have known I was a crossdresser since I was about 10 yrs. old, (although I didn't have name for it) I am now 65.
I began like most of and have grow to the point of regularly going out with my wife as girl friends. When I first started going out I would always be read by several people (I was still wearing the same clothes I had at with all the blonde wig, high heels, and bright red lipstick. Finally with my wife and other girlfriends that were more experienced, I caught on. Unless, you really look feminine and have the voice, figure, and moves of a women; you should dress not to be noticied. Even if you do have the looks, start out slow and learn the moves a women makes, I spent quite a few hours just sitting in the mall taking notes. Finally when I was in my 30-40's it all came together and I could go anywhere I wished and was never read even by neighbors, relatives, friends that I would encouter various places. I didn't make it a point to be "in their face" though. When my wife and I go out we are usually at our other house where the few people thatnwe do know, know me as Donna and I dress all the time there.
All of this is to let you know where I have been and where I have gone, not to different from many of you. Here is the point of this article, I no longer dress, I have gotten rid of all my stuff. severed all ties with my old girl friends, dropped out of Tri- ess. Well this is not new is it we all purge from time to time. The difference is I had not purged in over 40 years and then it was only a few things. This "purge" was of a complete women's wardrobe with all the extras, three matching wigs that were brown with a little grey, you get the idea. This all happened about a year and a half ago. For the previous 20 years I had lived with my wife as a women 80% of the time. Only wearing male clothes when she and I would go out together locally, shopping, church, visiting friends, etc.
So what happened, why did I change how I felt? I really didn't all together change. I still have some of the old feelings. Over a period of two years, very slowly it just got to be not worth all the trouble to be a women. Being a full time women is hard. Putting on the make up every day and then taking it off every night and then going through my facial routine every night, shaving not only my face under arms but also waxing my legs, manicures pedicures, polish and the having to take it off when I was out as a man. Keeping my wigs cleaned and styled. Well you get the picture. Over a period of time it just was not as much fun as it use to be. Most noticable was a like of desire for the feel, smell, taste, and sight of myself in the mirror. I know that many of us (yes I still consider myself a CD) continue into old age dressing. But what happened to me. My Testosterone levels dropped very low and even now that I have them back up to normal levels with self injections, I still don't want to go back. I have also experienced this a number of years ago when I attempted to mimic pregency with various hormones and various levels to see if (1) I could increase the size of my breast, and (2) If I could start lactating and how much. Both happened and I even was able to experience breast feeding an infant, my granddaughter and on another occassion another baby we were sitting for. But that is another story,if your interested write me.
What I believe happened was during the periods my Testosterone was low and therefore my estrogen/progesterone (both women and men have all three of the above hormones, they just vary in amount) were therefore unopposed, and they increased normally.
What I believe is that the reduced Testosterone affected my feelings as a man and reduced my need for crossdressing. Why did the increase in female hormone levels not increase my CD feelings or perhaps make me feel more like a Transsexual/ transgendered. Has anyone else experienced this or have any ideas as to why?
