Hello.
I've a question for people come out 'late' in life. How did you cope living in your birth sex for many years? I'm curios because I've tried for many years to do the same, filling the box, ignoring my issues.

What do you consider to be 'late in life"?  Some peeps think 22 or 23 is 'late in life' because for them that was 'many years' living in anguish whilst others believe that 30, 40, 50 or 60 is.

I am 55 and only going on 7 months RLE.  But in the old days I used, alcohol.  Which doesn't work.  Otherwise I keep it to myself and thought many times of ending it for good.  I would literarily beat myself in the head to drive it out.  My sex life with my wife was nothing, once a year maybe.

There peeps on here that say they don't wish to transition, but I think they are fooling themselves.  It only means years of pain and misery.

Janet

I'm 32 and only 'came out' about 2 months ago, though have never really hidden since my teens.

I did not cope well at all. (still learning to cope truth be told). I did things that were not stereotypical young male behaviours, I cook, I wear makeup, I shaved my legs, grew my hair long, escaped into fantasy throught computer games and roleplaying games. Occasionally I would 'crossdress' though now I don't see it as such now that it is becoming more of the norm. I guess I never really did live in my birthsex. The worst bit was feeling isolated and unrecognised and angry at the world. I suffer from depression.

Perhaps someone like Interelia will have some more insight but I don't think they are doing that well either, otherwise they would not be here looking for help. They are stretching things to the limit, such as taking hormones, without actually transitioning. I think if people like interelia can find a way to live with their dysphoria I think there are a lot of people that would be interested in following their path. Personally I feel the same way as Janet, but I do hope they find what they are after. I guess if anyone has managed it you won't see them here.

Quote from: Janet Lynn on April 05, 2009, 08:44:35 PM
There peeps on here that say they don't wish to transition, but I think they are fooling themselves.  It only means years of pain and misery.
Janet

I would be one of those crazy people Janet is referring to.    I'm doing my best not to transition, but I'm only about 30 years old so I hardly count as 'late' in life.  However, I have had to learn how to cope with the condition.  I don't use drugs or alcohol or other escape methods.  I've found that the answer for each person on how to cope is individuals, some techniques work for some and not for others.  I can share with you what I do to make it, and take from it what you will.

For the sake not not repeating myself with the same info on multiple posts, I will link you to the 9 things I do to stay sane, here: http://gidinteralia.blogspot.com/2009/04/coping-techniques-to-date-4509.html

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Post Merge: April 05, 2009, 09:55:42 PM

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Quote from: Nicky on April 05, 2009, 09:04:20 PM
Perhaps someone like Interelia will have some more insight but I don't think they are doing that well either, otherwise they would not be here looking for help. They are stretching things to the limit, such as taking hormones, without actually transitioning. I think if people like interelia can find a way to live with their dysphoria I think there are a lot of people that would be interested in following their path. Personally I feel the same way as Janet, but I do hope they find what they are after. I guess if anyone has managed it you won't see them here.

Thanks for the note, Nicky.   Nicky is right in that I can hardly say that I'm doing peachy all the time, but I find my GID much more manageable than before I started the coping techniques.  I rarely ever have breakdowns now that affect my life the way I used to - only two in the last seven years, 1st when my school fell apart in 2004, and the 2nd when my mother died earlier this year.

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Post Merge: April 05, 2009, 09:58:07 PM

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Oh yeah, here is a post from someone who is 'later' in life that is over 60 years old and has chosen not to transition.  You might find what you are looking for there:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,55483.msg346622.html#msg346622

Interalia,

I never said you were crazy.  I said that I thought you were fooling yourself.  I tried a lot of what you posted.  And I have the scar on my wrist to prove it did not work for me.

If you feel that you can live with GID, and have a normal male life, good luck to you and any who follow.  But I think that you will be still living a lie, as you said in your post.

I hope you make it and prove me wrong.  But as for me, it was truly Transition or Die.

Janet

Quote from: Janet Lynn on April 05, 2009, 10:00:30 PM
Interalia,

I never said you were crazy.  I said that I thought you were fooling yourself.  I tried a lot of what you posted.  And I have the scar on my wrist to prove it did not work for me.

If you feel that you can live with GID, and have a normal male life, good luck to you and any who follow.  But I think that you will be still living a lie, as you said in your post.

I hope you make it and prove me wrong.  But as for me, it was truly Transition or Die.

Janet

Sorry, the use of 'crazy' was tongue in cheek really.  I respect your position completely.  This path of non-transition is not for all.  As such, I defend people's choice to transition - it is (currently) the best available option for dealing with GID.

I guess if anyone has managed it you won't see them here.

Actually, managing and coping and balance and all that pretty much requires some outreach, and finding a group (community if you will) of like minded people can go a long way to dealing with it. I think that for a lot of people things like internet chat and forums are a good tool.  Far from it being something that is weak, its empowering for a lot of people.

Quote from: tekla on April 06, 2009, 01:13:10 AM
I guess if anyone has managed it you won't see them here.

Actually, managing and coping and balance and all that pretty much requires some outreach, and finding a group (community if you will) of like minded people can go a long way to dealing with it. I think that for a lot of people things like internet chat and forums are a good tool.  Far from it being something that is weak, its empowering for a lot of people.

It was for me. Forums saved me from a messy end, educated me, and netted me a bunch of friends. I'm not in the same dark place I was back then, well not most of the time, but I don't think I could ever just up and leave all forums, even if I ended up leaving a specific one for whatever reason. Too many connections.

Hi, I'm Mina, and I'm a Forum Addict. Hey, it beats crack. ~_^

Mina.

Many situations in life develop their individual survival strategies.  Being transgendered is one of them.  I have known about my own gender issues since age 6 with some inkling going back even earlier.  Most of what I did with my feelings, was bury them.  It helped that I was in a situation of absolute fear of letting them come out, and also of letting others control my life so that they could not come out.  Being a co-dependent in a family full of drama where the others are controling you by their weaknesses, addictions and illnesses can control your urges and feelings so that you do not have time to be yourself.  Not the recommended way for it to go, but I am alive and now am at the moment where I have freedom to look for my real self.  Alcohol and pills are not the cure or control as I know too well, having tried and failed to let them control the pain.  I did have medical problems where the alcohol could have killed me, and I almost wanted it to. Lying to yourself by saying if I can just "Prove" my birth gender sex rights I'll be fine, didn't do much to fool me at any point, it just made for some of the stupidest excuses for bizzare dating behavior.  I am 61 now, and things now look like I have a real chance to know the part of me I know is there wanting to be my REAL life. 

Quote from: twospirits on April 05, 2009, 07:17:14 PM
Hello.
I've a question for people come out 'late' in life. How did you cope living in your birth sex for many years? I'm curios because I've tried for many years to do the same, filling the box, ignoring my issues.

How did I cope? Not well.
I joined the military and probably should have been hospitalized for depression shortly after. Luckily the military is rather strict on how you spend your day sometimes. Later some of my actions started making people ask questions you are not allowed to ask. I also drank a lot during that time and all my life did a lot of stupid things that could have easily killed me, some of which will haunt me for life due to what they did to my body. I didn't expect to be around this long.

Unlike many I didn't dress or anything, in fact I fought it from a very young age, well actually I was shown it wouldn't be tolerated to be more precise. My method was to completely push away anything viewed as feminine, especially clothes. The only thing I did was grow my hair out. Which again made people ask questions.

So yeah, not well.

If you are having trouble do what you can, if it gets too bad, get to a therapist or doctor. Don't be a statistic. Forums and chat rooms can help, online communities like Imvu and Second Life can help as well. Second life is actually really good for this as you can live/date/exist as who you really are. There is lots you can do, but for many they are only temporary fixes.




B.T.W. Interlia, your first link is dead.

Fixed!  Thanks, BTW.

How did I cope?

Well I worked for myself in a creative field (jewellery), was, and still am, into girls big time, and was obsessed by competitive cycling back in Italy.

What finally pushed me over the edge was one of my knees giving out due to the huge strain I put it under with the cycling. Strange but true.

Quote from: imaz on April 07, 2009, 06:53:20 AM
What finally pushed me over the edge was one of my knees giving out due to the huge strain I put it under with the cycling. Strange but true.

That's not so strange, mine was very similar.

Hi Janet, hun, who knows who is what and what they qualify and classify as here, there is such a mixed bag of folks. I will only say that if one is truly (transsexual) and can hold off transitioning hmmm what else can I say except that I will leave that one to the researchers to decide.

For anyone who wants to read my storey you are welcome to visit my blog.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,44860.0.html

Cindy

Heyhey.
I'm 26, so that's not really "late in life", as far as I am concerned at least.
What I did was live in denial.
Overcompensate (Buy/Make dresses, buy boots, get pregnant, date boys, date more boys, buy makeup, wear makeup, buy and wear more makeup, buy frilly bath product and have a scented soak and so on) every time I "fell off the wagon" and did something that really made me feel like a bloke.
Drink. (Didn't do much.)
Use less legal means of lowering the level of my consciousness.

All in all, it didn't mean I "coped", it meant I lied to myself, my family, and everyone else really too.

I survived (only in a physical sense)  for 39 years by doing the following:
Volunteering for every committee, board or project you can think of
Cleaned my house to perfection, you could eat off my floors
Tried to be super parent, partner and so on
basically kept myself so busy I never had to take care of myself or think of myself.
And here I am transitioning and happier than I have ever been, can't believe the crazy making I put myself and my family through.
Myles

Well, I didn't 'come out' (or seek treatment/admit to myself my ->-bleeped-<-ness) till I was 27. Before that, I shot dope. Before that, shrinks had me pretty much sedated throughout school. Before that, I was in 'character' all day long as a boy/was always pretending.
I didn't cope, I shot dope.

 I didn`t cope very well. I did drugs and alcohol. Now that i`m not transitioning anymore I`m back to wondering what I`m going to do with myself. I do knnow I`m going back to Hawaii and going to buy a boat but I don`t think you can call that coping.