"You're so lucky you don't have a wife and kids to worry about / come out to / hurt."

I have seen this, and heard this many times here at Susan's and it seems to need addressing. Yes, it's true I don't have to worry about them. I can transition without losing my wife or kids. This does make the decision easier I will admit but remember how they say the grass is always greener, well here is where you see the other side and how it's not so green.

This is a rant from those of us who are so "lucky".
Please note, this is not aimed at anyone in particular, I just got irritated enough to finally write something about it.


Wile you were trying to live a normal life and have a wife and 2.3 kids or whatever the ratio is these days, we were watching potential mates walk out of our lives time and time again. Do you have any idea how hard it can be to push someone you love onto another person so you don't ruin their life too? And kids, hmm no spouse often means no kids. I want kids. Would you not want yours, would you take them back? Of course not, so how how can you, who wouldn't give yours up say I'm lucky for never having them?

Thinking we are so much better off means you are dismissing all of the pain and suffering we went through to avoid the pain and suffering that you are now going through. It makes me feel wonderful when people make it seem like I had it so easy all of this time. Stop saying we are better off. You chose your path, we chose ours, we may hurt fewer people in the end, but to do it we had to live a life of loneliness and childlessness. Great, thanks for dismissing all of our pain. You have a lot to lose because of the fact that you have a lot to lose.

Steady on there!

Speaking personally I haven't lost my son at all and even got remarried for a third time last year!

If people walk out on their family or get kicked out there can be many reasons, not all of which maybe connected connected to their Gender issues.

IMHO there is no reason to push someone away simply because one has GID or whatever one wants to call it. How do you know they won't be cool with it, and if they aren't they are simply not worth it anyway.

Life goes on whether we are TS or not. Being TS is no excuse for throwing everything down the road, we are just normal human beings who should learn to live and let live just like everyone else.

I have been married and divorced three times now.  And looking back it has always been because of my GID. 

And I lose my four kids in the process.  But they are slowing coming back and as they do they accept me in their own ways.  And that was hurtful to them that I was not around when they were younger. 

So pushing someone away so they don't get hurt, is false thinking.  They still get hurt.  Would it have been better to have been single.  No.   I still would have to deal with the same pain and misery.

Are you luckier to have been single?  No. I don't think so.  It does not make it any easier.  I am single now and on top of the pain of GID, now I get the pain of being alone.  Was I better off to have them in my life for a short time.  No, because I missed them for years.  And all those that have a supportive person in their life, are lucky to have them.  But none of us are lucky.

The ones that are the luckiest are those who don't have to deal with GID period.   They will never know the pain we all suffer with. 



Janet

Quote from: Janet Lynn on April 07, 2009, 12:58:57 PM
I have been married and divorced three times now.  And looking back it has always been because of my GID. 

And I lose my four kids in the process.  But they are slowing coming back and as they do they accept me in their own ways.  And that was hurtful to them that I was not around when they were younger. 

So pushing someone away so they don't get hurt, is false thinking.  They still get hurt.  Would it have been better to have been single.  No.   I still would have to deal with the same pain and misery.

Are you luckier to have been single?  No. I don't think so.  It does not make it any easier.  I am single now and on top of the pain of GID, now I get the pain of being alone.  Was I better off to have them in my life for a short time.  No, because I missed them for years.  And all those that have a supportive person in their life, are lucky to have them.  But none of us are lucky.

The ones that are the luckiest are those who don't have to deal with GID period.   They will never know the pain we all suffer with. 



Janet

Hehe! Another three marriages sister

Yeah, it hurts concerning the kids but I'm sure they'll come round eventually. What I think persuaded mine was his very LGBT friendly girlfriend, his age and the fact, modestly speaking (!), that I'm way more cool than him.

I really agree with you, Leslie Ann!! It sucks that we are the ones that have to be lonely and childless. I want a baby soooo bad, but I want to be a guy sooooooooo bad. I decided to go with being a guy and maybe adopt later. But thanks for the rant. I'm glad to hear it from someone else too.

Please, no contests about "who has it worse." *sigh* I've read more than enough of those already, about every difference imaginable.

We all have our albatrosses: young, old, passable, unpassable, money, no money. No Leslie, you don't have it easier. Never have and never will. Nor do you have it worse. You just have it different. I wish more people could manage to see that. The pain and losses we each have hurt us -- regardless the reasons, ages, etc.

Nichole

I agree with the "everyone has it different" theory. We are all in our situations and they are what they are.
Myles

Quote from: Leslie Ann on April 07, 2009, 05:30:14 AM
"You're so lucky you don't have a wife and kids to worry about / come out to / hurt."

~laugh~ who told you to get married & have kids in the first place?

Contesting who has it worse invariably leads to the same conclusion: AIDS orphans in Zimbabwe.

It is a futile arguement.

Sorry everyone it has just been one of those weeks. 

This was never meant to be a who's better or worse off, I was just tying to say that the grass is no greener on the other side. As Janet said, the lucky ones are those who never had to deal with it at all.

As far as comments go;
Imaz, being up front is great and and I am sure it would work for some people, but not for everyone. It wouldn't for me for reasons I'd rather not get into.

Kiera, it's here you just haven't noticed. Some of it is not in the open, some of it is things people have said in private conversation (more than a handful of times) and even other sites. Like I said, it was aimed at no one in particular because it seems (at least to me) to be a prevalent attitude that we somehow are lucky. Regardless, I'm sorry you found it offensive.

I agree with you, but it's just a different story for everyone. However, they are coming from the side with the kids and the spouse, so it may to them that they have it worse off.