1) Why Not?

Long story short, I'm comfortable between genders... I've been there my whole life and I've found peace with it.

More detailed: When I was born my body appeared male.  I displayed signs of GID as early as 4.  When I hit puberty I showed physical signs of both male and female development.  By my late twenties I began transitioning from presenting full-time as a male to presenting full time as a female.  As a part of that journey I spent a lot of time looking inward at myself and I found that while I was raised "on the wrong side of the gender tracks" I was pretty fundamentally male AND female both in physicality and spirit.  And that shaped my self acceptance of myself.  I did undergo HRT which made my body further aligned towards female.  The remaining male parts, I made peace with.

2)How do I cope?  This question puzzles me because it indicates I should somehow be at odds with my status.  This is just how I am, if that makes any sense? I'm kind of at peace right where I am.

Quote from: heatherrose on April 06, 2009, 11:58:52 PM

So Sweety, would it be out of line to suggest that you identify
more as an androgynous individual than a transsexual?

I'd say not really.  My presentation reads entirely as female.  There is no ambiguity in terms of presentation or the societal roles I fill.  And since my presentation for most my life was male, I have transitioned from one gender to another.

I think some of the difference in my head has been in how my biology aligned.  When I lived as a male, my body was predominantly male with some female physical characteristics.  With the application of HRT, my body has actually flipped to the other side where I am physically predominantly female with some male characteristics.  It's that awareness of a mixed biology throughout my entire life that has shaped my attitude towards GRS.

Hi Pheonix hun
oops! should have scroled back a bit more.

I believe that if one has no intentions on refining their attitudes perceptions and conforming them to more feminine characteristics it would certainly be advisable they remain in the male gender in my opinion. 

And yes if that part of the brain researchers believe truly is feminine in nature, adding estrogen does go a long ways at rewiring the neuropathways. As it did for me after being on HRT for over nine years I can quite assuredly say that I don't think and feel the same way as I did before.

My cognitive processes and long term memories in relation to my present day memories remain unaltered. It is how I process those perceptions is what has changed greatly from the way I did before.

Cindy   

I originally posted here as I was a non-op, because I did not see how I would be able to afford SRS.  And for that I felt like I was attacked by some.

But I have since received several PM from my friends here.  And while I still think that I may not be able to afford it, I will call myself Pre-Op.

I apologize to those here for not being more open to peoples comments.

Thank You to my sisters in the forum for your support.

Janet
Pre-Op and living day to day.

Yes and it gets more interesting every day, The word non-op is rapidly getting to be as controversial and contradictory as the word transgender.

What ever happened to the good old days where the definitions were clearly distinct from one another. "labels!" sheeeeeeesh.

Janet, if you are holding photon #1 in your hand on your end of the room while I hold photon #2 in my hand on the other side of the room, In a room full of photons how can we truly know which photons we are holding?

Cindy

I have posted here previously about my status of not transitioning and about some of my reasoning behind it. I won't get into the issue of labels. They don't really matter to me.

Why haven't I transitioned? In my case, it's complicated. It's not that I don't want to live my life as a woman, or that I can't afford it, or that there is any doubt that I am TS. It's more an issue of weighing losses and gains, responsibilities and desires, futures and pasts. It's not that it's easy for me to live this way. I agonize over it every single day, and I don't know if my decision is really the right one or if it will last. But I also know that my wife and sons are the most important part of my life, and I will do whatever I have to do to avoid hurting them. I also look back with some regret, knowing that I probably should have recognized the true nature of my GID when I was younger and done something about it before I involved others in my life.

How do I cope?  Sometimes not very well, and other times I get by. I fantasize a lot. I crossdress in private sometimes. I have seen therapists. I have taken part in support groups. I sometimes wear  bits of feminine clothing under my clothes, paint my toenails, shave my legs ... lots of little things that are too embarrasing to admit. But, these are trivial things that allow me to feel a little more feminine without hurting people who are imprtant to me. They're silly, and they sometimes make things worse rather than better. They remind me of what could be rather than what is.

I know that I am very lucky to have the life and family that I have. At the same time, I feel so frustrated that I have had this affliction all my life and will always have it, that I have deprived my family of my full energy and attention, and that I always have a part of my that is hidden.

It has always bothered me that there were lots of books and websites that offer support in transitioning, but no one has ever written a book about being TS but living without transitioning. I guess it really wouldn't be that interesting or inspiring.

Steph

That is exactly what I couldn't do. I could not go any longer with the agonising, I had to do something and I didn't want to kill myself. I can be thankful to the church for one thing, a healthy fear of going to Hell is what prevented me from killing myself. So that left only one way to go.

I was already a the bottom of the pit so there was only one way to go and I had nothing to lose. I went up. I had three children and psychotic alcoholic bipolar for a mate. In order to preserve my sanity I chose to just loose it all and ended up on the street. The rest you are welcome to read on my blog.

If you can do it without transition my friend then again I will say may God bless, but I wouldn't want the misery. Not all the family and money in the world is worth that kind of misery. Hun, is it possible that no one has ever written a book because no one hase ever lived long enough with GID to actually finish the books.

I wish I could wright a book that would be supportive of people with any number of disorders, I am a social worker retired but still out there working with people. there is always someone seeking help for something or another. If I can't help them psychologically I can at least buy them a hot dog or drop a quarter in their hat.

Cindy   

Quote from: cindybc on April 07, 2009, 03:54:06 PM
If you can do it without transition my friend then again I will say may God bless, but I wouldn't want the misery. Not all the family and money in the world is worth that kind of misery. Hun, is it possible that no one has ever written a book because no one hase ever lived long enough with GID to actually finish the books.

Cindy   

Maybe this is true.  But a book does need to be written.  I intend to find out how many of us non-transitioners are out there.  I have met several in my time online and I have a close knit group of personal friends.  Perhaps we should find a place to gather, share notes, support each other, and do it without people seeking to undermine what we are attempting or convince us we will fail.

Quote from: stephb on April 07, 2009, 02:55:58 PM
It has always bothered me that there were lots of books and websites that offer support in transitioning, but no one has ever written a book about being TS but living without transitioning. I guess it really wouldn't be that interesting or inspiring.

I'm in the process of writing a book, and have already published some of my writings about my experience on a blog. I'll keep folks posted about it.

Z

Hi Interalia, my intentions were never to stand in your way, but as you know I am also on my own quest. I only wish to gather as much information as I can about any and all gender disorders of both those under the transgender and transsexual classification that may be useful to me to educate those others who will follow.

How else may I best serve anyone, lest I myself learn more about this mysterious syndrome classified as GID. Much about these gender disorders or gender variances still remain a mystery to me even though I have already transitioned for the last 9 years.

Unfortunately sometimes one may come across as being obtrusive just by the kind and manner of questions that may be put forward during the seeking of knowledge. I am thin skinned and there are times I step on someone's toe unintentionally while performing my research. Although a sore toe or two may slow me down some, it does not deter me from my quest. If you feel I have stepped on your toes then you have my apologies to be sure. I have never meant to discourage you from your quest.

I am truly interested in this rather brilliant method of possibly finding a way to help the transgender and transsexual to cope and overcome GID. It would be also to my benefit as well to learn about this wonderful technique that you are proposing.

And again, I do send prayer that you receive the guidance and strength that you will need to accomplish this mission. The little house mouse knows what she is seeking, it's just that sometimes people misunderstand the little house mouse's intentions. 

Cindy

i have never posted anything here before so I hope I am not jumping in somewhwere i shouldnt.

I have never been able to transition due to my marrage and children. When i was in my early 20s I didnt know what i was and tried to live what I believed to be a normal life. I married and had children and continued to live with the constant GID in my head.  I delt with it by distraction and constantly keeping busy. It is livable but became less effective as I grew older. By the time i found out who i was it was too late for me. I cannot allow myself to leave my family and i know my family would not accept me if i did transition . So I continue to de3al with it the sbeast

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Post Merge: April 09, 2009, 03:59:53 AM

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Sorry hit wrong key.

I continue to deal with it the best i can. Hormones help with the mental distress but i can only take them for short periods of time due to the obvious problems they have for a married male person. i once was to the point of suiside but failed. It made me mad to hear people think its for attention as I truely believed I would be dead but didnt count on them coming home early.

This thread started out regarding "Non-Op" and has now turned into one about Non-Transitioning...

Is it just me but surely someone could transition and be "Non-Op", or be Be "Op" and not transition...

As I stated up thread, I'm "Non-Op: because my immune system isn't great, and it would be risky for me. Also to be perfectly honest I prefer natural genitalia whatever sex they may be, and feel the same way about breast implants.

<puts on body armour and steel helmet >

Hi jilledwards I believe you are in the right thread.

I would love to hear from someone who can say that they resisted GID and resisted transitioning and are living happily and content with their choice because they are comfortable and content to live in their birth sex because of their own choice not because they felt they had to in order to please others in their lives.

As for myself all the kings men could not have held back this Humpty Dumpty from jumping across the transition line. I am not knocking anyone in their valiant efforts to not transition but I would like to hear of how you plan on living at peace in your birth gender.

I believe this would be what 80% of the TG TS folks here are probably chomping at the bits waiting to hear. Give those folks a light at the end of the tunnel, (hope) that there is another way without living in misery the rest of their life.

Cindy

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Post Merge: April 09, 2009, 04:18:11 AM

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Hi Imaz you are quite right in your observation but it turned out the  originator of this thread non-op to mean none transitioning.

Cindy

they resisted GID and resisted transitioning and are living happily and content with their choice because they are comfortable and content to live in their birth sex because of their own choice not because they felt they had to in order to please others in their lives.

Hello cindy,

Please believe I never said I was happy. The drive to transition and agony it leaves me with is with me almost constantly now. I suffer from constant depression and have been going to therapists for many years. I wore out the first two theraqpist and the third one is an angel. she has kept me on the sunny side of the turf for almost ten years now. But even with her continued help I know i am running out of rope so to speak.  I am living day to day now with no interest in the future. I guess I will be a good example of the long term effects (55 years) of non transitioning mental status   

Quote from: Kiera on April 09, 2009, 06:42:56 AM
Transition is not a "cure all for everybody", at least not in the sense of the one & only form that many seem to think it must take

This ^ is wisdom.

I think the true secret to a successful transition is to find a place where you are at true peace with yourself.  Equilibrium in your life, however you achieve that.

Quote from: cindybc on April 09, 2009, 01:40:26 AM
Unfortunately sometimes one may come across as being obtrusive just by the kind and manner of questions that may be put forward during the seeking of knowledge. I am thin skinned and there are times I step on someone's toe unintentionally while performing my research. Although a sore toe or two may slow me down some, it does not deter me from my quest. If you feel I have stepped on your toes then you have my apologies to be sure. I have never meant to discourage you from your quest.

None taken whatsoever.  I actually only used your quote in my post above to reference the book thing.   I don't feel you a detractor.

Quote from: cindybc on April 09, 2009, 01:40:26 AM
I am truly interested in this rather brilliant method of possibly finding a way to help the transgender and transsexual to cope and overcome GID. It would be also to my benefit as well to learn about this wonderful technique that you are proposing.

Cindy

Quote from: cindybc on April 09, 2009, 04:13:11 AM
Hi jilledwards I believe you are in the right thread.

I would love to hear from someone who can say that they resisted GID and resisted transitioning and are living happily and content with their choice because they are comfortable and content to live in their birth sex because of their own choice not because they felt they had to in order to please others in their lives.

I believe this would be what 80% of the TG TS folks here are probably chomping at the bits waiting to hear. Give those folks a light at the end of the tunnel, (hope) that there is another way without living in misery the rest of their life.

Cindy

How does one really know if they've made it?  I mean, couldn't the argument always be used that either 1) it hasn't really hit yet, or they are in denial, or 2) they are not authentic in their claim to GID?  I'm not asking this because I don't believe people can make it, but if someone really did, would anyone believe them?

I've listed several things I do that have made me successful in dealing with my GID.  It isn't gone all the time, but I've only had two bad episodes in 7 years.  Otherwise it just tends to be a little nagging thought when it affects me, but normally it is inaudible.

Of course, according to some, I'm still young, and could always fail later, or perhaps my GID isn't authentic.

Quote from: imaz on April 09, 2009, 04:09:10 AM
This thread started out regarding "Non-Op" and has now turned into one about Non-Transitioning...

Is it just me but surely someone could transition and be "Non-Op", or be Be "Op" and not transition...

When I transitioned 1st time (in 1993), I was both non-op and non-hrt, living full time.

For now I'm non-transitioning... If I were to transition again in the future, I'd consider hrt. No surgeries for me, thanks.

Z

Hi Interalia hun, well I do pray that we are in touch long enough to find out. It would be wonderful to be able to go to a group like this one some day and say, Hey all, I know of someone who was able to live their lives reasonably at peace in their birth sex and here is how he/she did it. Believe me, I am not mocking you. You method could be the answer seeded by many who are still happily living together with their wives, kids and family. As opposed to the pain of all one can loose through transitioning. Keep me posted.

Cindy

There are all sorts of paths through the world, not all are meant for everyone.  What give strength and hope and power to one, may well destroy another.

People can, and do make all sorts of choices, for all sorts of reasons.  Some save them, others condemn them.