I'm half tempted to never leave the unicorn forest again...somebody say something funny...make a bad pun...anything!!   

I went for a drive last week with my Hindu friend Hita and my other friend Julie , who is an Israeli.
The car broke down. We manged to get to a farm and knocked on the door. The guy said no problems staying the night but I've only two beds. One of you has to sleep in the barn. Julie said no problem and headed of. We went to bed,. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was Julie. Sorry my friends but there is a pig in the barn and I cannot sleep there. No problems says Hita and goes off. We settle. Another knock on the door. Hita is there. I'm soo sorry there is a cow in the barn  and I cannot sleep ther. OK I say and go to the barn. Lie down and fall asleep. There is a knock on the farmers door. They open it. And there staning is a pig and a cow.

Probably managed to offend everyone

LoL
Cindy James

That's more of an eye-roller.

I'm not good at funny (at least in text), but I will try offering amusement.  Anyway, there are legions of traditionalists who wax poetic about how women act or present differently from men because those are choices they make.  Let's test this theory with a timely example: go to eBay and do a search for "easter dress."

Look at the "Women's Clothing" category to see how many dresses adults voluntarily buy for themselves.

Then look at the "Infants & Toddlers" and the "Girls" categories to see how many dresses adults will buy for someone who cannot provide informed consent.

To be fair, the "Christmas dress" search only gives about a three to one ratio.

Q: What do androgynes grow in their gardens?

A: Eunuch Corn.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!   

^ Lulz.


Pierres Morgan: "Is the answer jam?"

*Unamused silence*

Pierres Moron: "Oh well, I just thought that would be funny because Eddie Izzard says it."

Ian Hislop: "Yes, but people like him."



Probably not as funny written down, but eh, gold to me nonetheless.

I liked that one, it was good.

Quote from: KYLYKaHYT on April 10, 2009, 07:23:59 AM
Q: What do androgynes grow in their gardens?

A: Eunuch Corn.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 

WOW.  Had I been drinking, my computer would be soaked. 


You all are awesome!  You've made me quite happy.

If you want to laugh then you should watch CSI:Miami

Quote from: Rebis on April 10, 2009, 04:10:35 PM
If you want to laugh then you should watch CSI:Miami

...that makes me curious...

Quote from: Jaimey on April 10, 2009, 04:19:11 PM
...that makes me curious...

CSI:Miami is written by mindless fools and mostly acted by psychotics.  I laugh at it all the time.

They accuse everyone they run into. They make judgemental comments to innocent people. They have some kind of standard that makes them infallable and better than everyone else. And a drunken coma victim could have all of their cases thrown out.

My post got deleted.

I guess Susan's isn't very tolerant of controversial jokes.
Personally, I don't think a joke can be racist or offensive, since that's up to the interpretation. Oh well. Guess this is one place I won't be able to exploit my odd humour.

OK, Something Funny 

Just so you can laugh

Janet

There once was a man from Nantucket....

Try to fine that one..... 

Janet

This is funny, well, it didn't seem so at the time but....

My younger kid, largely due to the efforts of his older brother was a most excellent reader.  Somewhere around fifth grade he found my wife's treasured book of dirty limericks, and not only read it, but memorized huge sections of it.  My phone rang off the hook for a week.

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who carried some stuff in a bucket
One day he said I'd rather be dead
Than carry this stuff
Then chucked it
He then came across
A golden field of Unicorns
Dancing about
Said this is for me
No doubt
Began to dance about too
And said oh screw
Anyone that does not like it
Just then remembered the beer
And ran off to hide
And go Pee
And said Oh F*** it

How to catch a polar bear:

First, you get a hand saw and a can of peas. Then, you walk out onto the ice and saw a big hole in it. Next, you set the can of peas beside the hole and wait. Finally, when the polar bear comes out to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

(hope that doesn't offend anyone  )