One of the things that really helped me to figure it out was meeting other trans guys and talking to them. Counselling was also useful (Gizzy, I can put you in touch with a very good trans specialist counsellor in Manchester if you want), but in the end, it was really just that I couldn't continue being mistaken for a female all the time, and that when I did pass it just felt right.

Although there are a number of cases of people who have untransitioned, there's not many. As Mister said, the gate-keeping model of care prevents a lot of this - the ones I know of in the UK (all MTFTMs not FTMTFs) all went privately and so by-passed the NHS system which is very strong on gate-keeping. Whether I agree with the gate-keeping system rather than the informed consent model is, of course, another question entirely!

I guess I should have clarified I knew then it was a matter of if I was actually going to do anything about it.
Myles

Quote from: Flameboy on April 29, 2009, 01:05:25 PM
(Gizzy, I can put you in touch with a very good trans specialist counsellor in Manchester if you want)

That'd be great! Although, keep in mind that I'm considerably poor

keep in mind that I'm considerably poor

Allbeit with a very expensive camera.

It wasn't actually that expensive. It's the Fuji Finepix S9500. Just a bridge camera.
Plus it's not really mine, it's my dad's. He just doesn't use it anymore so I kinda stole it

Quote from: Gizzy on April 29, 2009, 01:17:50 PM
That'd be great! Although, keep in mind that I'm considerably poor

She is private, but she operates a sliding scale dependent on your income at least she did, so I presume she still does) - and she's very flexible about how often you go and all that sort of thing.

I'll PM you

My income is like £43 a week or something as I'm unemployed.

So yeah...

Quote from: Gizzy on April 29, 2009, 01:30:41 PM
My income is like £43 a week or something as I'm unemployed.

So yeah...

On the sliding scale that she did operate (as I say, I've no idea if it's still the same), that would mean that you'd pay approximately £2.20 per session I think...

I'd like to thank Dave as I've actually just gotten an appointment with that counsellor!

Just thought I'd let you all know.

congrats, you're on your way.

and don't let anyone pressure you into anything.  just be you.  how you figure that out?  one day it just clicks.  you'll know if it feels wrong.  that's why many therapists insist on hormones first.  that can be stopped easily.

Quote from: Asher on April 28, 2009, 05:39:05 PM
YUP YOU'RE TRANS NOW GO OUT AND GET YOUR TESTOSTERONE YE MANLY DOG YOU.

Asher, you're KILLING me.

Gee Am I trans.  I would say no, I'm just a girl.  It's more that, gee well for me anyway, that Life was easier.  Much easier being the Girl inside then to act like the guy everyone else saw.  Trans is a label.  I'm just me.

Sort of like going to the eye doctor,  It this better or worst then before.  If it's better then continue on, if it's not or there is any question, then take a step back and think about the direction your heading.   

HA and yes you could end up as a fat balding old guy with a beer belly by the time your 45-50...Be afraid, be very afraid.  Or OK your could look like Brad P.

Beni

 

That "can you imagine yourself as a thirty-year-old woman", absolutely brilliant question, and one of the reasons I realised I was probably trans - I figured seeing yourself as a thirty-year-old man when you're physically a woman can't be the "normal" thing women do when planning their futures...

Ah, the reason I've been hesitating about going for counselling and coming out to my younger brother about it is because I just don't know for sure. I often think that I'm wrong, that I can't be trans because sometimes I don't feel particularly masculine (I never feel like a "manly" man), but then realise that I probably am trans, because while I don't necessarily always 24/7 want to be a man, I can't stand looking like a woman. Even now, I went to write "while I don't necessarily want to be a man, I can't stand being a woman" and couldn't do it, 'cause I'm not a woman, I just look like one, and can't bear the thought of being one when I'm 30 (8 years' time). I think that no, I'm not trans, I'm just a very confused woman - but then why do I spend *every* night, and significant portions of every day, too, having trouble sleeping/concentrating because all I can think about is the pain of not physically being a man, or not-a-woman at the very least?

But then, as I think you said Gizzy, there's the fear of transitioning over time with family and friends watching. If there were a pill that made everything "right" instantaneously, I wouldn't hesitate, but the thought of everyone watching "their little girl" changing is really disconcerting. I know you should live for yourself and not other people, but the fear is still there.

As is that fear of not being right about it, waking up after the operation and regretting it. When I can bring myself to do it I'm going to go to a therapist, but even just that first step is scary.

Gah, sooooooooooooooooooo many questions!!!

Sorry, I also can't give any answers, but I can certainly empathise.

Will xox

Quote from: William on April 30, 2009, 01:02:25 AM
If there were a pill that made everything "right" instantaneously, I wouldn't hesitate, but the thought of everyone watching "their little girl" changing is really disconcerting. I know you should live for yourself and not other people, but the fear is still there.

Actually, I think the slowness of the transition can help parents, friends and family to come to terms with it - it's less of a shock that way. They can watch as you masculinise, hear your voice break, see the hair starting to grow - and it just seems like every other male puberty. If it was a case of take a pill, go to sleep and wake up the next day with a full beard, deep voice etc, it would be much harder for most people to cope with. It's a bit like aging - you don't get shocked by how old someone you've known well for 10 years is looking because you've seen it happen gradually, a tiny bit each day. It's only when you look at old photos that you can really see the difference. Now imagine how muchc of a shsock to the system it would be if they'd looked exactly the same for 10 years, and then overnight suddenly looked 10 years older!

Ah, true, very true... It's just that after I came out to my parents as trans I'd catch them watching me, like they were trying to see if I was changing/had changed at all, and I think the fact that they'd be looking for changes while I transitioned would get to me. I'm a very self-conscious person (though I suspect a large proportion of the Susan's population is...), and the thought of being scrutinised for hairgrowth or whatever scares me, a lot. It probably shouldn't, but it does.

That said, I do understand the logic of the slow transition.

Quote from: William on April 30, 2009, 01:02:25 AM
That "can you imagine yourself as a thirty-year-old woman", absolutely brilliant question, and one of the reasons I realised I was probably trans - I figured seeing yourself as a thirty-year-old man when you're physically a woman can't be the "normal" thing women do when planning their futures...

xox

i'm not the only one?!  awesome.

You too?! Yay for being not alone!!!

Quote from: William on April 30, 2009, 11:52:09 AM
I'm a very self-conscious person (though I suspect a large proportion of the Susan's population is...), and the thought of being scrutinised for hairgrowth or whatever scares me, a lot.

Trust me; the amount of scrutinising for hair growth you'll give yourself will make anyone else's scrutinising pale into insignificance - well, if you're anything like every other FTM I've ever known anyway