Hi everyone, I've struggled a lot with finding a sexual and gender identity and have made many attempts to explain in words what my experiences have been like. I have a lot of respect for the people on here who have been able to express themselves. It's really been one of the hardest things I've ever done.

I would post a long introduction here but it might make more sense to just link to the story that I've written. I decided to publish it on my own web site because I couldn't find a place for it on any other web site that felt appropriate.

The link is in my signature below -- please check it out if you are interested.

I'd be really curious to see how my experiences compare to those of other transgendered people. If any part of my story strikes a chord in you, I'd love to hear from you.

Nice to meet you all and thanks for reading

--
www.hearyoume.com/2009/04/neurotic-love/

Welcome, jikeda. 

Your story is yours, but parts of it and the feelings in it are similar to many of us here.  The teenage years are difficult because we are trying to find how we fit in.  Those of us who feel we don't fit in have a harder time.  And if we have gender-identity problems it is even more difficult because of the social expectations that we heap on ourselves.  In other words, some of it we do to ourselves.   (That doesn't make it easer, I know.  I REALLY know.)

Welcome.  Look around.  Ask questions.  Let us know how you're doing.  We're all finding our way here.

- Kate

Hi jikeda and welcome

Yes, what you write has resonance with myself! I suffered a lot from co-dependency (and probably still do) and can relate to what you said about girls. Always went out with the ones that I admired and probably (certainly is more honest) wanted to look like as well. It took me years to understand the mechanism and to be frank it only dawned on me last year. No therapist ever helped me understand it, not psychoanalysts, no psychologists, psychiatrists nor counsellors. It took me an encounter with a really extremely co-dependent lesbian to see it to it's full extent. It helped being married to a psychologist who has has really shown me the extent of this problem.

I've got this quote on my desk: "If you wait for the approval of your friends in everything you do, you are not going to succeed at all in this lifetime in anything"... It's by some Indian marathon runner I believe, and whilst obviously I don't believe in the Hindu concept of reincarnation, the rest of it is very true.

Take care,

-imaz-

Thanks for the encouraging responses imaz, I'm curious, was the answer for you to find a person as co-dependent as you? Did you end up marrying someone like that?

Welcome, Jikeda

You will be finding many people who share your feelings here.



Rebis

Quote from: jikeda on April 29, 2009, 01:56:25 PM
Thanks for the encouraging responses imaz, I'm curious, was the answer for you to find a person as co-dependent as you? Did you end up marrying someone like that?

No, the answer was to find someone not as co-dependent as myself and I did marry them

However previously I married twice to co-dependent girls.

That's really interesting.. being with someone not as co-dependent, do you still feel like you are understood? I guess, if you are with a psychologist, then probably. Do you feel like your co-dependent side is/was being heard?

Quote from: jikeda on April 29, 2009, 03:04:19 PM
That's really interesting.. being with someone not as co-dependent, do you still feel like you are understood? I guess, if you are with a psychologist, then probably. Do you feel like your co-dependent side is/was being heard?

Of course I feel understood

What's more is that it's been liberating as she has managed to guide me out of some of the negative behaviour patterns I had. Can't say it's been easy, but it certainly has been worth it. I think it was made easier by both of us coming from very different cultural backgrounds but having similar values and the same religious belief. The cultural background differences enabled us both to learn and gave us space to analyse things more clearly perhaps.