Hiya everyone,

Thanks to everyone who responded with words of encouragement to my last post. I'm sorry I wasn't able to respond directly but the computer I wrote that post on died a horrible non-flamey death-by-virut and I can't find the post any more to reply to. Anyway, thanks. I'm encouraged. I'm not 'better', but I'm not sinking any more right now, and I'm looking to fix some things that should make things 'better' soon.

AMONG THOSE THINGS -- I gotta get out of Asheville, NC. I've been here about five years and I just... don't belong. The locals are very patriarchal, for one thing, which does not foster a lot of understanding for anyone wishing to join the 'weaker', objectified, dominated sex. Basically anyone who would be seen as male by this society -- a transwoman or a gay man -- who displays any signs of femininity is shunned for being grotesque and offensive. The city boasts a very high-profile gay scene but that scene is predominantly butch, soft-butch, or leaning-towards-ftm. Femme lesbians are practically invisible, and transwomen do not exist (aside from the performers.)

SO -- time to leave. Need to find somewhere where I can find some community, a more tolerant place to find work, and a place where I can finish transition and hopefully come out of this tunnel with a bit of my youth bank left to spend.

I'm moving to California. Made the decision at work today after a bunch of ->-bleeped-<-ty customers treated me like... well, yes. My Significant Other is attending graduate school in Fresno and wants me to come along and stay at their new apartment until I can get a job of my own and a place of my own. We're not quite ready to 'live together' just yet, the plan was for us to both move to Cali - them to Fresno and me to San Fran - and see how things went for a while, but my finances are just not coming together with the pittance I make at this job and the rising cost of everything around here, so I'm going to tuck in under their wing and live in Fresno for a bit, I suppose.

I currently work at Burger King. I'm supposed to be a team leader but it was never made official and I was never given a raise for the extra work I've been doing. Soooo... not sure whether I'll be able to transfer this position or not. Although I'm supposed to be able to transfer my job to any Burger King anywhere, they have to A) be hiring, and B) want me, a transwoman who never officially got promoted.

If that doesnt happen I'll be looking for work from here until August when we move and until I find a job. BUT, even if the position does transfer, I'm sick of what I do at work, and the way drive through customers treat me makes me miserable and destroys my self-esteem, so I'd be looking for a new job IMMEDIATELY.

My questions to you -- hopefully someone can point me in the right direction -- is where should I start looking for new jobs, new places to live, and a community to reach out to? I have to admit, I do not really 'grok' the community aspect of the GLBT world. I may have a bit of anti-social in me, but I've just never really understood how to connect with a community, and despite my best efforts I can't find any 'Transgender in Fresno!' homepages online.

Aside from Craigslist, the obvious first choice, and Roommates.com, does anyone know of a good local or national trans-support/GLBT-support forum/website where I can try to connect with people out in Fresno or the SF/LA/Cali area to find possible roommate or community situations, maybe make some friends?

Also, does anyone know of an alternative to Craigslist when it comes for job-hunting as a transperson online or at a great distance away?

Finally -- I dont suppose anyone happens to know what the local atmosphere in Fresno is for transwomen...? I couldnt find anything online.

Any help would be appreciated. Thanks everyone!

California in general is far different then Ashville.  Fresno is not that large a place, but it would be miles ahead.  You might want to look around the San Jose area  but anywhere in the bay is a good place to live.  Down side, is it's expensive to live in the bay, Lots O traffic too.  but lots of things to see and do too.  You might check SFVoice.org they might be able to point you in the right direction.

I found the north bay pretty friendly too.

Beni

Fresno isn't exactly a place I hear people excited to move to very often.  In fact, there isnt much there.  Living in California is expensive, and you cannot support yourself by working at BK, unless you happen to be running the place.  Get a substantial bankroll before you move.

My advice is to think of a different state to move to. A lot of people are trying to get out of California, and for good reason. It is a wonderful place...until you factor in the people, smog, government, traffic, and so on. And you will be taxed like you've never been taxed before. I am only in California because I was born here. It's familiar.

I don't know about Fresno, its kind of 'the other California' as it were (and there are several).  Sure, everyone knows about SF and all that, and LA and movies, but California is the number one agricultural state in the US also, and you're going to be in the heart of that - at times you're going to think your living in Iowa and not the land of movie stars, sailboats and surfboards.  Upside, you're real close to the mountains, downside perhaps, Fresno is largely Hispanic and if you thought that folk down South were patriarchal, well, you ain't seen nothing yet.

But in LA and SF, well lots of people want to live there for various reasons, and are willing to put up with a lot to do it.  Competition for jobs is FIERCE and few people can really survive in the Bay Area with any sort of standard of living above poverty without a college degree (or several) anymore.  Upside, if you have skills, and can find a job, it does pay a lot more than the national average.

Rent is as high in SF as it is in Manhattan, for the same reasons.  But let's just say that when I moved back here from Iowa it was the difference between paying $350 a month for a 3 bedroom house in Iowa, and $800 for a small (really small) studio in a rather marginal area.

Pretty much I love the people in the Bay Area, and we don't have smog, but the taxes are high (10% sales tax just to start with), jobs are hard to find, rent (and just about everything else) are more expensive then you are used to.

On the downside, driving sucks, the upside is at least in the Bay Area you don't need a car if you use public transit with a bike (and almost all public transit has options to carry a bike). 

Well this is all encouraging.

My SO is moving to Fresno and taking me along. This is the only viable option I have for leaving this place where I am looked down upon and discriminated against up one side and down the other (Bible-Belt.) SO I ~am~ going. Telling me how I don't wanna go there because it's such a bad place to live isn't actually helpful at this point.

And for reference, in Asheville the typical rent for a 1 bedroom apartment is around 600-800 a month, so it doesnt differ from Fresno in any way I can decipher there. Also, in Asheville unemployment is well above 10%. *shrug* No, I don't have a college degree, but I've always believed anyone who can't find work isn't looking hard enough. I have multiple skills and a past in management. I'll find something.

What I'm looking for is a way to meet people in Fresno, a way to get in touch with the trans community out there, and a way to look for work online that doesn't involve craigslist, like a local job search.

Two areas not yet mentioned, the San Fernando Valley area or the Palmdale area.  San Fernando valley has the North Hollywood area which is a mix of too expensive but with some very good and inexpensive deals tucked here and there.  The area is very accepting, and has gay and lesbian neighborhoods who have their ->-bleeped-<- spots too.  Most of the aforementioned are accepting of "T"s and there are jobs in the support fields of the entertainment industry which may not be too regular, but enough so that you won't starve.  There are also jobs in the service area such as you now have and they do fill jobs with Trans folks going both ways.  There is a new, good public transportation corridor out there that makes commuting less expensive than driving.  The area is one of my hangouts when I am in girl mode. 

The Palmdale area is frankly desert, but it is getting the folks who are tired of the "urban" freakiness in the L.A basin.  Again, a good place for service type jobs including new hotels and food places.  Plenty of Burger King type employment, only problem with it is that the college degree types think they are too good for them. The drawback is that you either freeze or burn there, but the people who have moved there are generally ones with some social intelligence.  I have trans friends who live there, although they are in late 50's. 

When you get to Fresno, which is about 180 miles north of both of these areas, it is easy enough to get Greyhound bus service to these areas for job hunting purposes.  They are not the first choice of the affluent, but good people live in both of those areas.  You may not get as much for your $$$ in house size as you do elsewhere, but here in SO CALIF, you're not home much!!   

Hey forewarned is forearmed.

The social climate in Fresno is a little bit Cali, but also a little bit agricultural, with the oil patch to the South, so a bit of Texas in there too.  Its not the LA of Jim Morrison, or the SF of Jerry Garcia, but closer to Bakersfield, the home of Buck Owens and Merle Haggard. 

But it does have a uni, and there is a web site for Gay Fresno at:
http://www.gayfresno.com/

Your about 200 miles from either SF or LA, but in Cali that not a huge drive.

Sorry, but I gotta be the one to advise you against moving to California. Unless you've got massive bucks to spend and an even bigger savings, it's an incredibly risky move. I tried for 2 years to live there, and due to the economic downturn, high employment rate, and high cost of living, I was forced to move back in with my parents, without my wife. It's a very tough place to live, even in cities like Bakersfield or Sacramento, which tend to have the lowest costs.

But hey, if you have the means and motive to move to such an awesome place as Los Angeles or San Francisco, and keep yourself going there, more power to you. If it ends badly, however, never say you weren't warned in advance.

SD

QuoteTelling me how I don't wanna go there because it's such a bad place to live isn't actually helpful at this point.

Sorry, but you asked for advice.  People are giving you plenty of positive info about CA and advising you to have deep pockets before you move.  CA's been expensive and a hard place to live for a long time and this opinion transcends Susan's.  Reference Woody Guthrie's Do Re Mi, for example.

So Cal girl chiming in:
Everything's expensive here.  Your rent in the 600 to 800 range sounds typical for NC, maybe for Fresno.  If you're thinking about a more metropolitan area, prepare for your rent to double and your square footage to shrink.  A lot. 

Try something like Monster for jobs.  You might be able to find an office-type job that pays well (it's how I got through college without working fast food), and possibly have some room for advancement.  It can happen. 
If you're limited to food and retail, see if there's a shopping mall nearby in Fresno (I'm sure there is), find the website for it, look up the directory of the mall online and start applying online to every store in the mall with a website (Macys frex). 
Or, for other local jobs, try looking at an online version of a local Fresno paper.  No idea what it might be, but I'm sure there's something. 

Taxes, etc are all high, like everyone said, and Fresno isn't exactly the center of activity.  If you want to go somewhere, you'll be driving.  California's a big state, it's a good six to eight hour drive from LA to SF (IIRC) when you factor in traffic. 

Best of luck!

Might I recommend you looking at unemployment rates, and ask a few from the area how many are applying for ANY job they can get at the moment. Northern California is one of the hardest hit in the country in terms of employment.

You working at Burger means you probably don't have a high education or job skill which puts you at the bottom of a VERY VERY long line of people looking for jobs.

If you are determined to do this, take a week off, fly out and see if you have even a nibble about a job. Booked in advance you can fly out there pretty cheap.

What hasn't someone already said? It's a bad idea. California is overcrowded, polluted, ridiculously expensive, and more importantly than anything else, California's employment rates are DISMAL. People come to California with the intention of making money and end up spending their savings just to survive. People aren't going out there to spend money (especially with the recession), so of course the economy is particularly miserable. 

DO NOT fool yourself. DO NOT say "Oh, it'll all work out! California's a sunny paradise! I'll find something!" Because the odds are you won't. Other states, you might - but probably not CA. California's not all LGBT parades and coffee shops - and those areas that are definitely aren't hiring. Your bank account will be dry in six months.

So yes, it is an absolutely terrible idea. I myself am not very opposed to the carrying out of terrible ideas - I will be moving to the Bay Area in August. However, I have a guranteed job for the year with an organization which just got a major boost from the federal stimulus. You will have a bank-sucking rent to pay and most likely no job. Jobs are terribly important things. They get you food, and a roof.

You 'should' stay where you are or go to a state that isn't California. What will you actually do? 

Fresno is not the California people think of, I was born and raised in California and while I never lived in Fresno I visited often. It is cheaper than places like SF and LA but getting a job may be hard. I think you should just check out rents before you move and make sure you have saved enough funds to cover yourself for three months while you look for a job. Check craigslist for rental prices, not sure you will find a trans friendly place anywhere, maybe gay friendly if you can find a local gay publication. If you are set on moving there just make sure you don't get stuck and the best way to do that is safe a bit before you leave. Don't think Fresno is the most excepting place for trans people but hey you may find a small pocket there that is fine with it. My friends who lived there were biologists and did testing at manufacturers for food safety, the others were students.
I say if you want to go and know you are looking at  a high unemployment rate and higher than you are used to in rent then just be prepare (money in the bank).
Good Luck
Myles

OK, fine.  I tried to inject some realism, just a modicum of rational thought - but hey, it Cali, and we don't do that here.  So, let me lay it out.

If you can live here, and if you would chose to live anywhere else - save NYC or possibly Aruba or Hawaii - then you need to get to a brain doctor 'cause it ain't working for you.  There is no better place to live in the world.  You can surf at dawn, and ski at sunset if you can drive fast enough.  Some 30 miles outside of Fresno lays the most spectacular mountain wilderness you can ever imagine. Makes that entire mountain deal outside of Ashville look like a mighty small penis next to like, oh, say, John Holmes.

It's the most progressive, most liberal (at least in some places) and one of the richest places in the world.  And, even living in poverty here is better than most middle class lives in other places. 

It's diverse beyond diverse.  From real cowboys to space cowboys, from skiing to surfing, from roses to redwoods, from wilderness to the very heart of the modern world.  Hell, we invented the future as most of you know it - and are living it day in and day out years before you'll ever even hear of it.

It's not just a state, its a state of mind.*  (*from the official state map of the state, by the State.)

The official moto of the State is "Eureka" meaning "I have found it" but the real motto is 'Keep me here and keep me high" and we don't even care what get's you high.

You can walk down the street and buy pot, smoke it in public, and no one cares.  Same with your BF/GF or whatever you feel like dating.

Hell, our economy is so huge that if we were a county, we'd be in the G-8.  And we could care less about the welfare states, the Southern states (remind me again why the fark we even wanted them back?) or anyone else.  We are the future, and we know it.  The rest of you.  Not so much.

However, given that.  It is very competitive.  Its not a place for wallflowers, or shy people (try the Midwest for that useless crap) or people not willing to really (and I mean, really) work to make it.

You know why Sebastian couldn't make it here?  Its in his siggy and title line. Somebody please give me a chance to be somebody.  Well, you know no one is going to GIVE you a chance.  You got to take it, YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE CHANCE - that what the ski slopes, the surf waves, the studios, the bands, the clubs, and all that are all about.  Make it or not, we don't fraking care.  Your effort, your gain, your loss, so what.

And then, THEN I get this.  Every passing moment is a chance to turn it all around.  NO. Every passing moment is a missed chance to take it and make it yours.  Seize the day.  Make it yours. Take the chance, the risk, make the effort (rather than pining for someone, anyone, to do it for you) to live the life you want, do what you want, be who you want.

I was forced to move back in with my parents Hell, I would have rather died, but instead I lived on the streets, slept out in the urban canyon, did every one of my friends floors and did a lot of nights sleeping on stage risers waiting for the next show to show up (and that, with a PhD) because I wanted to be HERE more than anywhere else.

If you can make it here, like NYC, you can make it anywhere.  But its all about you, you, and only you.

That is both the good and bad side - depends on who you are.

I can vouch for Asheville. Its a very nice city to live in and for the most part very tolerant. There is a TG support group that meets bi-monthly and there are a lot of resources for the TG community. Rent isn't terrible. It does require that you have a job(like any place would) and I can't speak to the unemployment numbers as I am a student who works on campus and has 0 time for a additional part time job on top of my classes and campus job. I can however speak to the rents here because I was looking for a place to rent until my summer plans down here fell through and I'll be living back home but they're reasonable but not cheap either. Also if you just go outside of Asheville to Buncome county(aka Swannanoa and other towns) you'll have an easier job finding a manageable rent. It might mean a 20-45 minute commute depending on where you choose, but if you're living in S. California you might have that regardless. The cost of living is in general pretty cheap here when it comes to necessities like food and utilities. It gets hotter than hell here though during the summer, hell its April here and we're burning up already(hooray for dorms without a/c).
I'm just throwing out the info on Asheville because you mentioned it earlier and its been a really good environment for me. Its not going to be as hard to get a foothold in Asheville as S. California but its still going to take some effort and planing. If you put the time into finding a good place, it will more than pay off in the end.

I say go for it, girl. you have already decided that you are moving here, so just do it. if you are working at burger king where you are now, you can't really do any worse in california - even if it means a job a local burger king or one of it's competitors. taxes are higher than some places, but they aren't all doom and gloom like people are saying. wages are typically higher in california to attract skilled workers, so in the end people that complain about the high taxes are making more than they would in the same field on average.

prices are higher though, no arguing that, but you can still do it. and like tekla said, it's california for chissakes! it's worth paying a premium to live here!

besides, this might be the change that kicks you into high gear. when you aren't in a comfort zone, your instincts to survive kick in and you might find yourself better than when you started.


and hey, if nothing else, there is no place i'd rather be homeless than in california

I'm out here in socal on business, and i'd have to say that this is one expensive place to live. If you have taken that into consideration and have made plans for it then maybe california is the place for you. I know that I couldn't afford to live here. Good luck with whatever you decide to do 

It all depends on where you go. If you don't mind sharing a place with people, then you can get some good pricing, especially in Northern California. My My rent is just over $300 for a 4 person townhouse (totalling to a little over $1200), but it's big-- over 1500 square feet. Then again, I do live in Chico. It doesn't have the 'pristine' beaches California is known for.

That said, I'm looking to move to Oregon after I graduate, but that's not to say California isn't a nice place to live. Yes, it's more expensive, but if you can procure a job you'll be getting paid more to hold onto a place. There are some absolutely gorgeous places here, but you need to do a lot of research on which ones. California is a HUGE and varied place, so you're gonna find a lot of options.

Yeah, but Chico is nice too.  Bidwell Park, not far to Lassen.  Real close to the Emerald Triangle.