I'm in the very awkward position of passing but not being out to my family or friends or college, a little over 6 months on HRT.  Unless I wear obviously male clothing or speak in my guy voice, people in public think I'm female.

However, the changes have been gradual for the people that see me on a daily basis.  If they do notice changes, they consciously attribute it to other things.  I have a friend that asked the other day why I had such a "girl's hairstyle".  Actually, it's just a loose shoulder-length, gender-neutral hairstyle, and he's displacing the changes in my face and skin to my longer hair.

If you read my intro, you know my family is extremely religious and conservative, as well as the local college I attend.  I'm transferring to a new public university in the fall, with a year of courses left to graduate.

Until then I can't come out, though.  I'm working and saving up money to pay for the bigger transition stuff later on, and living at home with my family really helps me save.  I say it's about 50/50 chance I wouldn't be welcome here anymore if I came out suddenly today..  As for my current college, they don't accept openly homosexual students, so I think it's unlikely they'll be accepting of trans students.

It's really confusing to be perceived as male by my loved ones, but as female by strangers.  Only about 3 months left and I can hopefully be myself at my new university.  Still... 3 months seems like an eternity in a situation like this.

I can feel for you. Just thinking about the anticipation makes me feel anxious. But you have something very fantastic to look forward to.

Yes, three months is a long time.  But it sounds like you are doing wonderfully given your circumstances.  Be patient.  All things come to she who waits, or something like that.  I know it's a strain, but you are probably wise to keep presenting male as best you can for a while yet.

Good luck.
- Kate

Well, you know your family better than any of us do.  Perhaps they would accept the IS diagnosis, although probably they will have all sorts of questions that you may not be prepared to answer.   

I wouldn't do anything that will box you into a corner.  If at all possible you want to be able to control the process of coming out.

Hang in there.  You have lots of time to work things out. 

*hugs*
- Kate

Hi Inanna,

Ugg, extremely conservative religious family, I know exactly how you feel. My family is as well and 6 months after coming out to them my brothers still won't talk to me. My parents didn't talk to me for 3 months after but they are at least being decent now. My mother claims that I am possessed by a devil and supposedly even my eye color has changed and I am surrounded by a dark aura because of the demonic spirit that has control of me. How she can see any of that as she is blind is a mystery to me.
I tried to explain it is an inter sexed issue of sorts but they refuse to accept any of it. 

At the end of the day I had to decided to be myself and be happy or to spend the remainder of my life in misery and despair just to please every one else. My conclusion? They are not out to make me happy or take into account my well being. as long as they are happy they couldn't care less what I do for them. So while I still care about people a great deal I can not live a lie just to please them. I have to be who I was meant to be.

Quote from: Cami on May 03, 2009, 08:25:04 AM
My mother claims that I am possessed by a devil and supposedly even my eye color has changed and I am surrounded by a dark aura because of the demonic spirit that has control of me.

It really looks good on you, Cami 

Quote from: Cami on May 03, 2009, 08:25:04 AM
At the end of the day I had to decided to be myself and be happy or to spend the remainder of my life in misery and despair just to please every one else. My conclusion? They are not out to make me happy or take into account my well being. as long as they are happy they couldn't care less what I do for them. So while I still care about people a great deal I can not live a lie just to please them. I have to be who I was meant to be.

I think that's the decision you have to make.  Not everyone makes the same decision because what is right for one person won't necessarily be right for another.  But, Inanna, coming out to your family may cause an irreversible rift.  That's why you need to take the time to think this through.  If you decide you can live with that separation, then come out to them.  If not, wait. 

This isn't easy, but you have a lot of sisters here pulling for you. 

*hugs*
- Kate

Quote from: Cami on May 03, 2009, 08:25:04 AMAt the end of the day I had to decided to be myself and be happy or to spend the remainder of my life in misery and despair just to please every one else. My conclusion? They are not out to make me happy or take into account my well being. as long as they are happy they couldn't care less what I do for them. So while I still care about people a great deal I can not live a lie just to please them. I have to be who I was meant to be.

I sooo know how you feel. I'm also from an extremely religious family, whose answer to any mention of feeling feminine would have been a beating and a trip to the exorcist to cast out the demons. I'm still healing from the psychological trauma that caused me growing up. Sometimes it seems these people we are so afraid of offending don't mind in the least offending us. They get to live the life they choose as they see fit, dress as they want, act as they want. Why do they then want to deny us the same privilege?

Sorry if that sounds negative, but I see that a lot of us have had to endure the same things, and that in itself is heartening to me. At least we know we are not alone.

Quote from: FairyGirl on May 03, 2009, 10:59:22 AM
They get to live the life they choose as they see fit, dress as they want, act as they want. Why do they then want to deny us the same privilege?

I had that same discussion with my mother. I don't agree with her religion that borders on being a cult (old fashion ultra conservative pentecostal) and the dress code they enforce on their women but I respect her choice to live that life. But she can't accept me and how I have to live and dress even though mine is less of a choice then hers is.

If I am possessed by a devil then so are schizophrenics, autistics, and people that are bi polar. 

Quote from: FairyGirl on May 03, 2009, 10:59:22 AM
Sometimes it seems these people we are so afraid of offending don't mind in the least offending us.

Very well said. 

- Kate