I'm just so fuc*ing mad right now!        
It seems like I'm going crazy...
I'm still in the closet and I don't know when will I tell my family and friends about all of this...
That's what's bugging me the most... I just think about my coming out and my life after but I can't come out to anyone!

But the thing that infuriated me today...
I know it was my fault! Because I just don't know how to say "No"!

My brtoher's girlfriend is staying with us for a few days. So today she asked me if she could dye my hair. I was thinking about that last year so I said "sure"... Big mistake!!! After that she wanted me to put some make-up. I didn't want that but eventually I gave up... Like always I didn't know how to say "no". And after that she dressed me in some fancy girly shirt.
And now I feel like... Like nothing!
When I looked myself in the mirror.... I think I don't pass anymore! Not with blond hair. I was so happy lately, because I was passing almost all the time, but now...
It's just killing me...
Have you ever been in this situation?
Oh God...

Sorry for all of this, but I just had to write this...
Or else I would scream!!!

The Bro's girlfriend was I think trying to help what she thought was a regular girl get more self esteame. Alas being TS thats exactly what you don't want.  Perhaps a darker shade hair color to go back to where you wanted it. 

Hey, if it was easy everyone would be trans.  Well perhaps not.  In any event, it's ok to rant about it.  Thats one reason we're all here.

Take care

Beni 

Quote from: Jamie on May 05, 2009, 08:11:33 PM
I'm still in the closet and I don't know when will I tell my family and friends about all of this...
That's what's bugging me the most... I just think about my coming out and my life after but I can't come out to anyone!

But the thing that infuriated me today...
I know it was my fault! Because I just don't know how to say "No"!

This, is my life right now. I've really screwed myself by not saying no and believing I could live as a woman. I don't really think of it as coming out of the closet though. I'm a guy trapped in a Judas female body and can't fake it anymore. I see myself as hetro because I like women (which is unknown to everyone). I wish I started this a long time ago.

That's too bad, but that's probably what this website is here for. Trans-related venting.

Just dye your hair black, it's not too hard. Pretty cheap too if you do it yourself. Just avoid the girly clothes, be polite about it, not sure what else to say. It's not fun to see yourself as a girl. Certainly has been the source of most of my lows.

Good luck with that,
SilverFang

Thanks to all for support... 

I was in a bad mood for a few days, but I'm a lot better now.