All I've read on the topic of FTMs who decide to have children with their own bodies has talked all about how the FTM(s) in question were ostracised by both straight and queer people, especially transpeople, who stated that they "weren't really transsexual" or that they were sick.

Personally, I know that someday I was have children of my own, but I also wonder if pregnancy would be a terrible experience, or on that would be enriching for me...it's something I can't really know until I do it, I think...

I was wondering about all of your opinions on the topic. Please be truthful, even if the idea of a pregnant FTM is distasteful to you. Thanks.

I would say Marco would be the best person to comment on this topic, since he had 4 children in the middle of transition.

Melissa

Hey Ethan!
How did your surgery go? Glad to see you back.

Well, the idea of me giving birth is distasteful, but I would applaud anybody (woman or man) who could do that. To give life is a beautiful thing.
It's natural to want to procreate, trans or not.
Some transpeople judge other transpeople because they are insecure in their own role as a man or woman. And they hold other transpeople to their own views of what it means to be a transman or woman.
According to some, I'm not "really transsexual " either.
I don't imagine that a planned, welcome pregnancy would be a terrible experience.
To me, it would depend on the FtM in question. Can he see himself going through the birthing process?  If he can, and he is not utterly terrified at the thought (as I am), he should go for it.
Interesting topic.

Nero

Hi Ethan,

Marco is in the shower right now, so I will chime in here and try to answer on his behalf.  Marco started to transition 17 years ago only to do a turn-around and "try" to live like he thought he was "supposed" to.  He did what he thought would make him a woman...have a baby.  Although he loves his daughter with all of his heart, that didn't make him any more a woman than before.  He thought that maybe if he married a man and had more kids, then he would be able to 'stay' a woman.  He did just that.  He got married, had 3 more kids and was still no more a woman.  He loves all his kids dearly, but he can not stand talking about when he was pregnant (he refers to it as when he was the 'P' word) because that is a reminder that his body was female.  He has come full circle and realized that he can not be someone or something he is not.  He and his ex are getting a divorce, but he will ALWAYS be his kids' mom.  Nothing will change that.  That has nothing to do with his gender, that is just his God-given right.  He is a great mom and is going to every length to make sure that his transition isn't too traumatic for them.  I have never known anyone like him...he is an amazing person and an excellent resource to talk to if you want to PM him.


Pam

If you want kids...... and you can find a way to have kids.  <I dont care who or what you are> by all means please do.

There are those of us who would give anything and everything for the privilage.  Im MtF but even before transition started I wasnt supposed to be able to have kids.... neither was my ex fience.....
Durring the breakup we did have a scare because she was over a month and a half late and we talked and agreed if she were actualy pregnent Id take the child after it was born....... sadly it wasnt to be  *sigh*

But again if you want them and have the means go for it.

Ethan,
   The last thing I would have ever did in my life would have been that,if it would have been during transition. Absolutely not. I began  to transition before I ended up having kids, so during the time in my life this was going on I was on this "I have to be normal for my mom kick" and it just kept going from there. It lasted for 16 years, and has brought me back full circle to the present, knowing all along that someday I would reach this point and begin to transition again. What took so long was because I had kids now, and it was very hard to "walk away" from them. I still see them, but right now not all that often. They tell me they love me, and miss me. My top surgery is in 8 days. I don't know what the future will hold after they see me after that. Did I ever think I would ever give birth? Never. I can't even talk about it now. Do I love my kids? Yes. Having your own child is a life changing experience, mother or father. They are a part of you. If I could go back and change what happened on that day that made me "feel" I had to return to living as a woman which led to all this would I? Yes. I wish that day never happened.

                                            Marco


Posted at: July 31, 2006, 10:35:25 AM

---

So Melissa, I was not in the middle on transition at the time. It's such a compicated story.

                                      Marco

What I meant by "in the middle", is you started, postponed, then resumed transition.  I would recommend transitioning, then adopting if you really want children.

Melissa

Hi Ethan i don't believe we met imp jaded
i ask myself the same question all the time i want children and defiantly want children that come from me ,carry half my genes, and when we walk in the street have people say wow that girl/boy looks just like her/his father, but the thought of me  a guy  going through a pregnancy scares the living daylights out of me  .i get freaked out whenever i see my chest .for me i don't think  i can do it .
But if a guy is capable both mentally and physically why not?
take care
             jaded

Quote from: jaded on July 31, 2006, 12:47:49 PM
i want children and defiantly want children that come from me ,carry half my genes, and when we walk in the street have people say wow that girl/boy looks just like her/his father, but the thought of me  a guy  going through a pregnancy scares the living daylights out of me.

2 words: Surrogate Mother

Melissa

hi melissa how are you?
that sounds wonderful but is not an easy process

Hi Jaded.  I'm fine.  I never said it was easy, just an option.

Melissa

Thanks N, I'm doing much better but very sore. About another month till I'm totally back to normal!

Marco, thanks for sharing your experience. It gave me a lot to think about. Good luck with top surgery!!

Thanks everyone else for your opinions. I want to transition as soon as I can, but I also want to have children. I need to finish school first though, and graduation is four years away. I hear aout guys stopping T, having a child or two, and getting back on it, but fertility coming back is not guaranteed. I'm at least several months away from starting transition, but I can't stop thinking about it.

Thanks again, everybody

If you're inclined to have your own kids, Ethan, have them. I don't think anyone should stop you, and you, like myself and other FtMs, have the unique ability to be men who can have children. That's a cool thing to have, if you're comfortable enough to take advantage of it. I'm with N, though; I can't imagine ever having kids naturally. I can't imagine ever sleeping with a man. I know there are other ways, but the last thing I need is to be pregnant... I already have enough estrogen once a month as it is. I'm planning to adopt. And Jaded, I don't have any better suggestions than the earlier one of surrogates. I don't care about passing my genes on... they're not what make me me. I'd rather pass on my ideals, etc., and this would be easy with adoption.

Rafe

Maybe Ethan is just unconventional like N.

Melissa

I do like to go down the unbeaten path...lol 

Ethan,

I don't see how you can be ready for transition if you have not resolved this issue. If the start of transition risks your fertility, than it would seem you have made the decision not to have children of your own, since you are willing to risk this.

I have not started my physical transition either.  I too am going to school and hope to eventually become gainfully employed again, so I can afford to transition.  Right now I live on disability.   I do have three genetic sons and one adopted daughter from a previous marriage of my exwife, who had this child when we met. I love all of them dearly, but there is a difference in the genetic children.  They look like me, they have personality traits like me, they walk, talk and act like me in many ways.  I do not love them any more, but there is a difference.

Had I transitioned earlier, I would not have them.  It's a Catch-22.  I would have been happier had I transitioned and not married, but I would not have my children, which also have been a source of great joy in my life.  So, I guess I don't really have any good advice.  Trust yourself.

Love always,
Elizabeth

There are lots of guys transitioning who've had kids. Have a look at the movie Transparent. It's all about FtM's with kids, some of whom had them before they transitioned, some stopped transition to have kids. There are lots of different ways of living your life and one is not better than another.

Dennis

I don't think that I could ever stand to be pregnant and give birth naturally (I've seen photos, eurgh). I don't especially like babies either... children, like above the age of 3 I could probably deal with, so maybe adoption one day...
Wow, I'm thinking too far ahead for this time of the morning, not having kids any time soon.
This is an interestng topic though.

Quote from: Tinkerbell on August 04, 2006, 08:12:00 PM
or MTF's who don't want  anything to do with female stuff such as monthly bleeding, cramps, or childbearing. 

Yeah, I don't want that stuff, but I think it's only fair, because of my high price of admission to living as female.  I missed out on a female childhood, couldn't be the one to get pregnant with my kids, and have to go through an expensive transition.  It really is fair that I don't have to deal with monthly bleeding.

Melissa

Well, the flip side of it is that, if I had been able to grow up as a female, I would definitely want all that stuff.

Melissa