It's amazing to me read the stories and see how much we have all gone through in our lives and are still here to talk about it. I believe we are truly an amazingly adaptable and creative group that is much stronger than they give us credit for. We push ourselves to the very limits trying to be like everyone else.  I wish we could switch lives with the powers that be (doctors, insurance companies, etc) for a few days and let them see how real our needs are. I don't think they would last very long.   

I used to pray for a terminal illness ...and I'm pretty much and athiest.

I would wish somebody would come up and blow my genitals away. Or I'd be in some freaky car wreck that would find my "manhood" skewered and squished on an I-Beam. Or end up in a hospital for something and accidentally get SRS performed.

Every time I see a shooting star I have but one wish. Just to be a woman. Nothing more, nothing less.

I've had the cold taste of steel in my mouth more than once. I've rehearsed shooting myself and learned  how best to do it.

I've dreamed up a death car where I would drink poison, chain myself to the drivers seat, set the cart on fire and drive it over a cliff into a deep lake of water. Upon impact the contraption I had rigged to the front would cause the swords in the back seat to impale me as the airbag rigged with daggers would shoot through the front of my already lifeless body. While the gas tank exploded no doubt. As the rest sank to the bottom any part of me not already dead would certainly drown.

In the end, I surmised putting on makeup and wearing a dress would be easier and probably more acceptable. Although I may have made history the other way.

I've fantasized about all kinds of things. In the end I can only hope I pass well enough to finish the rest of this life in peace.

I completely agree. Therapists that aren't experienced with dealing with transpeople, especially those that are used to working with children have a hard time deciding if it's a "phase" or not. I started believing my therapist over my own feelings and stopped the urge to transition. However..the feelings never went away. Now it's even harder to convince my family and friends because they think it's another "phase". It's so frustrating.

Quote from: Christian on May 13, 2009, 09:02:32 PM
I completely agree. Therapists that aren't experienced with dealing with transpeople, especially those that are used to working with children have a hard time deciding if it's a "phase" or not. I started believing my therapist over my own feelings and stopped the urge to transition. However..the feelings never went away. Now it's even harder to convince my family and friends because they think it's another "phase". It's so frustrating.

I have been there.  After I de-transitioned it was VERY hard for friends and family not to think of it all as a phase.  They often talked of it as if I had performed some massive college prank.  Some of them I have since been able to convince that my GID is just as real as it was when it led me to transition, but the majority, probably due to the discomfort of realizing it is real, I have not been able to convince.

Regardless of how you deal with it (transition, coping techniques w/o transition, etc), ignoring your GID is a surefire way to make it come back stronger, and the longer you ignore it, the worst it will become.

growing up i knew i was different but not real sure why. i always ended up with the girls, not as a boyfriend but as a girlfriend.

later, Dec. 2007, the voice i heard in my head began to shout. one night i was banging my head against the wall and shouting "shut up". eventually i went into the bathroom and picked a bottle of hydrocodone i had left over from surgery. these were 500mg and i had 13 of them. anyway i popped them all into my mouth and with tears running down my face i tried to swallow but coughed instead. all 13 pills landed in the toilet. i cussed for about an hour until i was exhausted and i sat in the middle of the floor. i sat there crying and then i had sense of peace come over me, and i heard a soft gentle voice tell i was going to be ok.

later, a few days i think, that voice told me to look up sex change on my computer. so i did and learned that there were others like me and that i suffered from GID. i then found a therapist who helped me figure out who i am. i started on HRT in Aug of 2008. two days after taking the spiro the war in my head went away and i could feel the wonderful feeling of peace. the estradiol and progesterone began to make their changes and i knew without a doubt i was going to be ok.

there is no way i could ever go back, that would be the same as death to me. please don't ignore or deny your GID. find help, find peace, find life

Even when I started feeling it quite recently, even when "she" showed up in my mind, I didn't try to push it away. The thought was comforting in a strange sort of way, and I suppose it still is. "She" disappeared soon after, as did "he," and now there's only... me.

To be honest, I'm kind of afraid of what would happen if I tried to deny it. It sounds like a great way for someone to drive themself to the brink of insanity. I'm glad I didn't go down that route; judging by the horror stories I'm reading here, it couldn't have ended well.

Interesting nic, To Many Toasters, "Hee, hee, hee," That tickled my funny bone, no offense meant. Sure would would be interested to know how that nic came about.

I quite agree with you on the GID, seeing a professional and transitioning

Cindy

Nickname? You mean my username? It's a Hotel Mario reference. It's a game that's internet-famous for having really terrible cutscenes. It's my username on practically every site I join.

Jorgen,

I wasted time and money on several therapists in the beginning. They knew less than I did about my condition.  Then I read an article about a therapist that was working with cross dressers, transsexuals etc.  I went to her and things started to come into focus quickly.  I ultimately changed to a different therapist that was much closer and have been going to her for years now. She is an angel. I don't know how she puts up with me.  Worth every penny.   

Here, with a gender therapist, they know the condition is really self-diagnosed. They will verifiy it, help you find where you fit into the spectrum on things. and refer you for treatment. Much more helpful in my opinion.   

Hi To Many Toasters, I must say it's unique. 

Cindy