Before reading please be warned there will be some sexual talk. I don't know how things go here quite yet, so I'm just being careful.


I immediately feel a little bit uneasy posting here, as I am not strictly trangendered or transexual, and I feel like my problem couldnt even possibly compare to what you all have to go through, but this has been on my mind for quite a while and now that I'm ready to ask about it, I'm leaping in.

I identify as mostly female (I am confused about that, sometimes I feel I'm somewhere inbetween male and female), and have a female body..... However, I am incredibly uncomfortable with my vagina. No abuse has happened to make me feel this way, it's just the way I've always felt. When I go to the bathroom, for instance, I'm always expecting a penis to be there. Or when I masturbate, I'm expecting a penis. I'm attracted to both Men and Women... but when I fantasize about either, I just can't orgasm unless I imagine I am male or I have a penis. It's not a power thing, like I feel like I have to have power over someone by having a penis, and it's not just a fantasy. It comes to mind every day, every time I go to the bathroom, every time I see myself naked.

If surgery could be done so well you'd think I was born with a penis, I would leap at the opportunity, I would do it right away. But I'd identify as Female...

I don't know what I am??? I've never heard of someone like me before.

Please help and give me some advice.

That kinda sounds like me.  But the other way around.

I totally understand how you feel.  If I could reach out and give you a big fat hug, I would.  But since I cant, you'll just have to settle for the comfort of know that you are not alone.

You seem to be exactly opposite to me.

Barbie~~

Welcome to Susan's!  You have found one of the Internet's most complete repository for information regarding all issues transgendered.  And a whole bunch of friendly people!

Please take some time to check out our site rules and such. 

First off, you are not alone!  Your confusion is completely understandable.  And your discussion about sex is acceptable provided it is done in a clinical manner.  There are additional forums here if you wish to talk about sexuality in detail.

Many transsexual people (male to female - MTF, and female to male - FTM) have expressed very similar feelings to yours regarding their genitalia and their sexual ideation and orientation.  It is quite common actually.

It would probably be a good idea to get in contact with a gender therapist in your area and start discussing your issues.  There are quite a number of options available to you, but it all requires that you make the effort to move forward.

We have plenty of advice and a number of different points of view.  Many of us have transitioned to our chosen gender from our birth gender so there is quite a bit of experience to draw on as well.

Get comfortable, look around, don't be afraid of getting your feet wet.  There are no dumb questions.

You are among friends!

-Sandy

Quote from: Sandy on May 15, 2009, 11:40:34 AM
There are no dumb questions.

SWEET!  I was so worried.   hehe

You're not the only person here that's confused. Just spit in any direction and you'll hit someone else who is in that space.

It's okay to be confused. That's where the trip begins.

Sounds like a Freudian case.

I wish I could trade with you. You take my thingy, and I'll take yours...Then we're both happy 

Quote from: confused12345 on May 15, 2009, 05:13:49 AMIf surgery could be done so well you'd think I was born with a penis, I would leap at the opportunity, I would do it right away. But I'd identify as Female...

I don't know what I am??? I've never heard of someone like me before.

Please help and give me some advice.

From http://aebrain.blogspot.com/2009/03/summary-of-state-of-art.html

QuoteWhere I radically differ from the standard HBS model is that the evidence to me shows that while there is a strong correlation between stereotypes-conformity in all parts of the brain, it's not exact. As just one example, it's not just possible, it's inevitable that there will be some people with strong male identities, whose brains in general conform to a typically male stereotype, but whose body image is that of a female to a greater or lesser degree. Some men feel most comfortable having feminised genitalia, and some women feel most comfortable having masculinised genitalia.

(emphasis added)

I have no advice, other than to say that situations like yours, while uncommon, are not unique. That (If I'm correct) they will inevitably happen in a minority of cases because of the way our brains are wired up.

What are you? A woman. A woman who is probably bigendered, and would have been able to function better than most women had she been born with a male body. But possibly not adequately enough to be considered male. I don't know, and unless you're considering transition, we're not about to find out experimentally. I wouldn't advise that, by the way, unless your feelings strengthen. If they do strengthen, see a gender specialist.

But most of all, you're you. Unusual, yes. Anomalous even. But nothing "wrong", people like you have to exist.

For what it's worth, I felt much like you, but in reverse. Masculinised body, but feminised mind. Not very feminised, but even at age 4, having external genitalia was something that felt all wrong.

Another quote from that post:

QuoteJust to complicate things... the brain is such a complex organ, that in this case it's useful to see it as an assembly of different organs, much as the reproductive system isn't a single organ, but an assembly, where different parts can conform to different degrees to either of the standard stereotypes. And just as the reproductive system changes morphology, and is to some degree "plastic" and subject to environmentally caused change (notably at puberty), so are the higher brain structures. Yet no new structures develop, the basic pattern is set before birth.

So an individual, whether cissexual, transsexual, or intersexed, will usually have a brain that conforms strongly to a masculine stereotype in some areas, and weakly to a female stereotype in others, or the reverse. The areas will differ between individuals though, and what evidence we have from cases of 5ARD and 17BHDD is that perhaps a third of people can function in either gender role. I wish we had more to confirm this. For that matter, I wish we understood what gives rise to left-handedness or ambidexterity, areas of brain development post-birth that are equally as radical (neurologically speaking) as many of the bimodal sex differences.