Hi,
   I'm 22 and and have been going to therapy for a while now.  A couple months ago, I had talked to my therapist about an issue with the way I feel about my gender that I've struggled with since I can remember. So it's not like I don't know what I would really like to do, it's all the what if's and how's that there just aren't any answers to and they scare me. I should have probably read the forums a little more in-depth, but it's all a little embarrasing to me still.

     How did you find it in you to talk to loved ones about it? And find the strength to pursue transition? I can't help but feel like I am hurting them if I do, but it kills me at the same time to be what I am.  Do you think it would be okay to start with treatments before coming out to them?

Yes.

 
Theres the "Coming out of the Closet," section of the board.
The "Wiki" here at Susans has good articles and suggestions.
TSroadmap.com is also a good outside source of information.

A question, does your therapist specialize in GID therapy?

BTW welcome to Susans.

Mich'

I really recommend having some professional help before coming out to family. That way they can take comfort in the fact that your not just jumping into this blindly. If they see your seeking professional help it may help them realize just how important this is to your well being.

Maybe you should start the transition and if they notice then tell them. Say oh I thought you knew about that. Just my opinion but if in your own heart you need to transition do it. Life can only get better from here on.

Quote from: Genevieve Swann on May 16, 2009, 04:31:40 AM
Maybe you should start the transition and if they notice then tell them. Say oh I thought you knew about that. Just my opinion but if in your own heart you need to transition do it. Life can only get better from here on.

I'm sorry, but I really disagree.  I think it is very important to be honest and open with those who love you.

I think - and this is only my opinion - that you first need to come to terms with it yourself.  A lot of the work is done within you, and this is where a therapist can really help.  Then you need to come out to those who are close to you, both emotionally close and geographically close.  Gradually you can come out to those farther away.

Transition is not for sissies.  You need to lay a foundation and build from there.  Therapy helps.  Being open with those around you helps.  Finding other forms of support - support groups, other TGs, this forum - helps.  Don't rush into this.  At 22 you have LOTS of time to work your way through this.

We all want to wake up tomorrow and be our new self.  Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.  Do the work to lay the foundation and your transition will go much more smoothly.  It's a long process that can happen quickly or slowly.  But you want to control it, not start something that just takes off on its own, letting people discover it.  This is your transition - take charge of it.

Goodl luck!

- Kate

Thanks everyone, you've given me a bit to think about.  I am definately gonna work in therapy a little longer before making any permanent decisions.  I was raised a jahovah's whitness if you are familliar with them, so every one I was close to follows those beleifs. I know my sister is gonna be especially critical of me for it.  But again, I truly appreciate what has been said 

oh, and michelle unfortunately my therapist hasn't had the most experience with GID, but she has been wonderful to me though. Maybe I should consider at least doing a couple consults with someone with more experience with it.

I'll do a better introduction of who I am when I get some of this sorted out in the future. You are all very strong people and I hope to talk to you all more as I make decisions on my journey . (and sorry about my post being a little out of topic)

Hi Honey,

You will find a number of us here trying to deal with this problem later in life, and the questions don't get any easier.

I recommend working things out with Michelle as you have a good rapport with her, and maybe get her to refer you to a GID specialist if she finds she is not comfortable with handling the subject.

You need to work through your feelings, and then review how you need to proceed before making any announcements.

Work at your own pace avoiding the temptation to rush into things, and you will be able to minimise the lows. I'm afraid religions can make this journey a lot harder to deal with.



Chrissty

Quote from: Genevieve Swann on May 16, 2009, 04:31:40 AM
Maybe you should start the transition and if they notice then tell them. Say oh I thought you knew about that. Just my opinion but if in your own heart you need to transition do it. Life can only get better from here on.

I too had to respond to this...

If you lie, the relationship will end... badly. Experience talking here.

Quote from: K8 on May 16, 2009, 08:15:32 AM
Don't rush into this.  At 22 you have LOTS of time to work your way through this.

We all want to wake up tomorrow and be our new self.  Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.  Do the work to lay the foundation and your transition will go much more smoothly.  It's a long process that can happen quickly or slowly.  But you want to control it, not start something that just takes off on its own, letting people discover it.  This is your transition - take charge of it.

I have to agree with Kate. I'm considerably older than you are, but I wanted to slow down and do it right. I did surprise people, time after time, when I told them that I had been in therapy for more than three months and hadn't started HRT yet.

Horrors! A lot of people wanted to know who my therapist was. They assumed that he was a gatekeeper who was preventing me from getting what I wanted. (Nothing could be further from the truth.) A couple of people even suggested a different therapist, one who was well known for being very, well, liberal in terms of referral letters and the like.

But I wanted to take my time and be sure that transition was right for me. I wanted to build a support system, come out to friends when it felt right, lay the groundwork for coming out at work. I feel that I did the right thing.

I also think you are sensible to think about consulting with a gender specialist, at least a few times, as you mentioned.

We have great resources and great support here--I hope you take time to look around. A lot of individuals will have coming out advice, too.

Hi vagrantxspirit,

Welcome to our little family. Over 2230 strong.  That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers.  Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now.  And it is always nice to have another member.

And be sure to check out

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html
• Standard Terms and Definitions https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html
• Post Ranks https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.

It is very easy to tell one's family, especially when religion is involved.  But you are the one that has to live with your decisions and your life.  Finding a GID Therapist is a must.  It will give you professional opinion for back up.

Janet

Jehovah's Witnesses may be tough , but they are your family.  Give them the opportunity to accept you or reject you.  That is up to them.  Don't force them to reject you unless you want to sever all ties with them forever.

Again, this is your transition.  Do what you need to in order to get strong enough to control it as best you can.  Approaching your family with confidence and kindness and love and inner strength may help them accept that this is indeed something vital to you.  Or not.

I will now retire from my soapbox for some much needed refreshment...   

- Kate

Quote from: vagrantxspirit on May 16, 2009, 09:01:07 AM
I was raised a jahovah's whitness if you are familliar with them, so every one I was close to follows those beleifs. I know my sister is gonna be especially critical of me for it.  But again, I truly appreciate what has been said 

I know what that's like. My mom is the only one in my family who still is a Witness, and after I told her she told me she didn't want a gay son, already has a daughter, told me this is because I don't go to church anymore, and she wanted me to see a Christian therapist. Then she went to work.

24 hours later she tells me I'm an adult and can do what I want and she'll still love me. It'll take a while for her to come around 100%, but I haven't been disowned.

Even the Witness kids I know who have been disfellowshiped (a JW version of excommincation, for those of you who don't know) can still turn to their family.

It really means a lot to me to hear that.  Whitness' no offense as it is my beleifs too, but can be totally up tight, and to hear a decent (as can be expected) experience in regaurds your mom, I at least feel a little more empower'd to discuss it with them.