hi y'all!

i haven't posted in a long time, been too busy.

our move to OK has been postponed many times, but it looks like it may be in sight. nine days to go! then the fun starts.

my gf went ahead to OK with the moving truck to get things set up there and i stayed here to work on the house. somehow i think i got the short end of the stick ; ;

after LOTS of hard work it's almost done. good thing about it, my mom came over and helped me out and that gave us a chance to talk. nothing like spending time blowing insulation with your mom. i think she is still very sad about my decision, but she says that's her problem and she has to deal with it. i think she has alot of questions about how i will be when i return. questions that i can't answer. i think mostly she is sad that i will be away.

i have a few questions that maybe somebody can answer, which will help me answer her questions. i have asked my friends and family to feel free to ask me anything so that i can think about this before the process actually starts.

~is there a personality change?
mom's worry is that she won't know me when i return, like i'll be a totally different person. i really don't understand why she thinks that. i understand that there will be some changes, but she worries that i will be overly agressive i think.

~what if i change my mind after i start this?

~what is the best way to "learn" to present as male?
after i made this decision i started watching the differences between how men and women (not all, but in general) act and move. i was wondering how the very masculine female translates into "male". i've had comments that i will apear more as a gay man (that's mom talking). is it better to just let it go and be myself?

everybody i've told has been very supportive, but i really want to reassure my mother. at least she is starting to joke a little about it now. i told her if i couldn't be the daughter she always wanted (with makeup and frills) i'd be the son she never had. she also mentioned that my new initials (first and middle) will be jk, which i thought was pretty funny.

well, hopefully next time i post it'll be from a cattle ranch in OK^^

Hello Fayde. Nice to hear from you.

Quote~is there a personality change?

I can't really comment on this, as I've yet to start T, but I wouldn't think so. I think it depends on the person. I'm glad you asked though, one of the other guys should be better able to answer. I know I want to retain some emotional capacity. As I mentioned on another thread, should T turn me into a stoic, there's always that river near my place.

Quote~what if I change my mind after I start this?

This could be a problem as many of the effects of T are irreversible. It's better to wait and really examine this, than to rush into it, if you're not sure.

Quote~what is the best way to learn to "present" as male?

I've read somewhere recently that some FTMs take a bio-guy as a "mentor". I think it depends on the FTM in question and his own personal experiences and lifestyle. If he's somebody who's spent an eternity in an "all women environment", a mentor may be beneficial.
I can't speak for others, and I'm certainly not the most conventional guy, but I think it is better to just be yourself. I don't fit the stereotypical male archetype and have no desire to. As I mentioned elsewhere

QuoteI don't want to pass as male if it means I can't display my own innate gestures, speech, walk, etc.
Transition is all for nothing if I can't be ME.

However, if this is something you're going to be self-conscious about, (constantly measuring your mannerisms and movements for any trace of effeminate behaviour) a mentor may be best, as your insecurity may be conspicuous.
Good luck with your move.

Nero

No, there's no personality change. I'm still me. The only thing people have noticed is that I'm more comfortable in my body and happier.

If you change your mind, then some of the effects will not go away. Facial hair, if you've grown it, will stay, although be more fine. Your voice change is permanent. Muscle development will reverse, and fat distribution will change back to a female pattern. Best to be as sure as you can that this is what you want, though.

For presenting as male, there are a lot of websites with passing tips, etc. Some are linked here at Susan's: https://www.susans.org/Female_to_Male/. And, watching bio males can be helpful.

I don't know about the gestures and things. I was always self-conscious before transition because my gestures and movements were naturally masculine. I haven't had to change much, except that now I don't have to worry about how I sit, stand, walk, or move. If your gestures are more feminine, people might take you for a gay man, but once you've been on testosterone for a while, the physical changes mean that people will still take you as male.

Dennis

Quote from: Dennis on August 05, 2006, 11:42:35 AM
No, there's no personality change. I'm still me. The only thing people have noticed is that I'm more comfortable in my body and happier.

Whew. What a relief! Thanks for clarifying that, Dennis.

Nero

Fayde,
   I agree with Dennis on there is no personality change. T changes everyone but to different degrees. We all experience the same changes just some more than others. Facial and body hair is a very genitic thing. So look to yuor father for that. This is my second time on T and my voice droped the first time 17 years ago, then after going off went up a bit but stayed lower. But now is much lower this time around. So you just never know. As far as looking gay or anything again it depends on how masculine or not you look to start with, then what affects the T will have on you. I have to say the mannerisums (wrong spelling) do matter. Men and women are very different in this way. I always acted male, even before I knew I was trans, but I still pay attention to that so as not to make mistakes. Like how some bio guys stand with there legs I would say too far apart looks stupid, but you wont see a woman stand that way and sometimes that stuff makes people read for the oppisite of what you want to be read. Good luck with your move.

                                         Marco

I too am stuggling with the desire to start on T, though I know it's a ways off due to money issues. However, I think everyone's right about the male mannerisms bit; I have always had far more masculine habits, etc., and I don't seem to have any difficulty passing, but I also have quite a few guy friends, as well as my brother, some of whose habits I have emulated over the years. And I don't know that acting slightly feminine would make you look like a gay man; I have met many very feminine straight men. As far as the personality change, I wouldn't think it would occur; I am on various medications for clinical depression, and prior to starting them I feared they would change my personality, considering that they change the way the brain works. Instead, they merely intensified my personality, making it possible for me to express myself more clearly and in the ways in which I desired to do so. If Dennis is right, T therapy sounds awesome. That's the only thing I could see that might make me any happier than I am right now. Good luck with your decision, Fayde.

Rafe

thanks for the response^^

i think i have pretty much made up my mind. the realization of what i am rang so true that i do think this is what i want, but part of my mind will always play the devil's advocate. i want to know what's going to happen in all aspects of this change.

as far as the gay man thing, i don't really care as long as it presents male, and honestly, i think that's my mom's way of trying to deter me. while she is trying very hard to deal with this and doing a great job, she will also play  the devil's advocate. i think this is good in a way because it does raise questions that i need to think about.

oo and Marco, thanks for answering another question that has been running through my mind. i was wondering if the hormone would make the father's genetic traits more pronounced. that kinda worried me since i always thought he was kinda goofy looking. i only have old pictures to go by. i'll never know how he really looked or acted although my mother tells me i have alot of his mannerisms.

thanks again^^