Goodmorning Ginger,
I'm S.O. (Signifigant Other) to Leah. Our stories are here in the introduction and MtoF( Male to Female) sections. As a S.O. yourself, being an important part of your Mother/Father's life when she was alive I welcome you to join the rest of us S.O.'s here at Susan's. I'm also on the Chat Staff and anytime you want to visit just personal message me and I'll meet you in chat. Also in common is that we are both Female by birth. What we experience and your Mother/Father did won't be the same I'm pretty sure but if you read many of the stories that other's of like mind to your Mother/Father and even the flipside of this the Male to females stories here you'll have a pretty good idea of what your dear one went through in her Journey. You should be awear that each ones Journey is different. Each one goes at his or her own speed for what ever reason. Be it emotional or financial, be it out of responsibilty to family or fear of them and for them or many time and most often out of love for them.
Other's have given maybe's as to why just so far in her transition. Remember you'll only really be able to speculate on this now that you are not able to ask her any more. But all are very valid reasons and you no dought will come to realize more possibilties too. Always keeping in mind she was only human with human needs and human desires having to figure out how best to meet them in a world that has a turned up nose to anything that is not the majority standards. Being different as some would say is not easy for anyone no matter how old or what back ground they come from.
From the sound of your post, you are needing to heal in your stages of grief in the loss of your parent. Also I sence from your chosen words you need to heal and process other grievences too. Child hood is a very important part of ones life regardless of it's nature. Everyones has parts they need to work through later in adult life. So feel free to share any part of this you feel the need to also or even if you feel comfortable enough to just share it because others here might benifit from it to as Marco suggested.
Your interest to learn more now is to be commended even though you will not be giving the on going living daily support these wonderful unique individuals require, you can lend a different kind of support to other's whom knew your Mother/Father. Even further to those whom come after as Grandchildren, Nieces and Nephews and just family friends. Support by sharing information and knowledge.
Everyone comes to terms with issues in their life at their on pace and time. Though shutting out and moving forword is one way to deal with events in ones life, it's not always the best way as it is only put off, still left for some tomorrow to bear it's effects on you and for you to face and deal with at some other point and time. Seaking peace and calm feelings when ever you think back on those childhood days and your relationship with your Mother/Father will only be just a little out of reach if this step in the grieving process is never taken.
Your need for knowledge about what she went through and how much she accomplished in her Transitioning Journey, and as you processed it and come to grips with all it intails will no dought be unerving and shocking and even hurtful. It may even cause you to feel guilty for how you think you may have or should have felt or something should have done or did do back when she/he was alive. Know that your Mother/Father would not have wanted you to feel this way. Know also that it is one of the steps to acceptance in all sences of the arena that needs your acceptence. There will also be a need to foregive and the knowledge you aquire here will allow you to do that to in your time. This step will also need to be taken to achieve that peacefulness and calmness when looking back at your life. It would only be natural to feel anger for not having had the typical childhood you feel you wanted and felt all your freinds had, the illusive rose garden everyone desires. Remember though Roses have thorns, look beautiful and smell sweet. Real life is pretty much the same. The thorns can leave scars no matter what type life one has.
Welcome here to a great group of people. I'm glad your here it will help so many of us see things through the eyes of a child who's been there and done that if you know what I mean. My contact information is in my profile just feel free to do what ever you wish in getting in touch if you desire to.
Smiles,
Peggiann
