Many of us were or have been married when they had their CO. Some of us had even children. The children whom we mayn't see or speak because of our transition. Have we asked ourselves once, how does it go for them with our sex change? How do they experience that the "dad" suddenly becomes a woman, or the "mummy" a man? Which fears happen in them, also fears which are poked by the society unconsciously? If we have drawn the attention of our children to our "change", have incorporated them; or have we rather made a getaway, have cleared out because we didn't want which our children from us get?
Why I speak about this subject?
Because I have two children whom I mightn't see since 1992 any more. Now BOTH have arisen, however, do not want to see me. Partial the fault is by the Mormons and my ex-wife who was with the Mormons, but alsowas it partially my fault. My ex-wife didn't want that me the children see as a woman, for them I should disguise myself as a man. However, I would have done this, I could have forgotten my operation, because I wouldn't have been admitted in addition. But instead of fighting, and incorporating the children from the outset, I have gone because I meant at that time to avoid with thus stress.
Let us think of our children for whom we also have a responsibility, so that these can survive all this regardless.

You can not take care of anyone else unless you first take care of yourself.
The best think you can do for your children is to take care of yourself so that you are happy and healthy and thus able to be a "good" parent to your children. (Second best thing you can do for your children is to ask them to be happy and healthy and try and teach them how to take care of themselves, and then demand nothing more from them.)

My father's parents did the mistake of staying together for the kids, and so he was raised in a perpetual warzone.
When the parents are miserable, it hurts the children.

My transition hasn't been an issue with my kids.  What kind of example would I be setting if I wasn't true to myself?  I've always taught my kids to be themselves, and to be true to themselves.  I think the issue of being forbidden to see your kids is a power play by spouses or ex-spouses, and it's bogus to think that transition is harmful to your kids.  Life isn't always easy, and how you handle the bumps in life sets an example for your kids.  It ticks me off to see how many ladies actually buy this BS from their spouses, feel guilty about their transtion, and just willingly follow whatever law the spouse lays down without a fight.  Stand up for yourselves, and your rights as parents!!  There are a lot of people who can help.

end rant


Jay

The best think you can do for your children is to take care of yourself so that you are happy and healthy and thus able to be a "good" parent to your children.

You sure your not an American?  I mean like 'yikes' - the number one obligation I have to my kids is to be good to myself? 

I think, in fact, what you state is that you really don't have anything you really have to do for your kids at all. 

Quote from: tekla on May 19, 2009, 08:47:18 AM
The best think you can do for your children is to take care of yourself so that you are happy and healthy and thus able to be a "good" parent to your children.

You sure your not an American?  I mean like 'yikes' - the number one obligation I have to my kids is to be good to myself? 

I think, in fact, what you state is that you really don't have anything you really have to do for your kids at all.

Actually, what I'm saying is that when a parent becomes severely depressed, or severely physically ill, it will affect the parent's ability to take care of his/her children.
So you have to make sure you "can" be a parent to your offspring.

Quote from: Miniar on May 19, 2009, 09:43:47 AM
Actually, what I'm saying is that when a parent becomes severely depressed, or severely physically ill, it will affect the parent's ability to take care of his/her children.
So you have to make sure you "can" be a parent to your offspring.

Actually, I found his notion to be much more sane than what I usually read as "American" responses.

I suspect that the fact of being inundated with American responses such as "I have to do me first" as a rather shabbily cloaked version of "only my desire matters at all" is what the problem here is/was, tekla.

Since you are American, I imagine it's possible that you've been so inundated with the usual "American" response that you may have colored Miniar's response somewhat with what you're used to.

Debilitation can be a huge drswback to parenting, yes?

My children (two girls) have had no trouble with my transition. Why? Because I tell my children every chance I get just how very much I love them. I show them with my actions. I will drop everything to tend to the needs of my children and they know that all they need to do is call me and say "daddy I need you" and I come running.

My children still call me daddy. That was their choice not mine. I told them they could call me auntie, or Maddy or even mommy if they wanted to but I left that choice up to them. I think this helped them not feel so out of control of the changes.

From they day they were old enough to understand that there were differences in peoples color or sexual orientation I taught them tolerance and acceptance. I encourage them to befriend the down and outer at school and stand up for the timid. Not only do I teach them through words I show them through my interactions with people in day to day life. Its hard to hate a compassionate and kind person even though they make mistakes but its very easy to dislike a person that asserts their disagreeable opinions and ideas in spite of how it might make another feel.

When I told my children about transitioning the only question they had was "are you still going to like computers?" My step children on the other hand are having some trouble with it but it is only because of the prejudice impressed upon them by their father. One had no trouble at all until his father told him it was "inappropriate for Cameron to wear makeup and girls clothes". The other I don't get to see at all because his father has convinced him that I am a sick and disgusting ->-bleeped-<-ot doomed to hell. (his words not mine).

It all comes down to training through example. If you live and teach tolerance and acceptance your children will also learn those traits. I was raised in a strict religious home that taught segregation between the races. I was taught very forcefully that the pentecostal way was the only way to get to heaven. It was preached that Baptist, Catholics, Jewish, Methodist, Evangelical, Lutheran, Jehovah witness, or any religion that was not strictly One-God-Baptized-In-Jesus-Name by total immersion in water and speaking in tongues were all doomed to hell.

I lived and preached that same message until I grew old enough to see the hypocrisy of it all. Now I teach love, tolerance and acceptance. My children do the same.

QuoteIt was preached that Baptist, Catholics, Jewish, Methodist, Evangelical, Lutheran, Jehovah witness, or any religion that was not strictly One-God-Baptized-In-Jesus-Name by total immersion in water and speaking in tongues were all doomed to hell.

Didn't you leave out the part about "and calling themselves The Exclusive Holiness Church Of God In Jesus Name" and abiding by what I, the preacher, say you should do," Cami? 

Quote from: Nichole on May 19, 2009, 11:38:03 AM
 

Didn't you leave out the part about "and calling themselves The Exclusive Holiness Church Of God In Jesus Name" and abiding by what I, the preacher, say you should do," Cami? 

ROFL! you knew my pastor too???   

Not him, but others who went to the same school!

My daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren live with Marcy and I.  My son lives out of town.  I think he's grudgingly okay with it all, although when we DO see him, he hugs me, and says he loves me.  My daughter calls me Dad at home, and Mom in public, as does my son-in-law.  My grandsons call me Nana all the time.  Marcy calls me Bev most of the time, but never ever by my old name.  My two sisters call me Sis
Anyway, my kids and kin are all just fine.
Maybe we're all insane.

My kids are fine with the whole thing. Understand way more than most adults. I think kids these days are very excepting, or at least mine are (9 and 10).
Myles

I don't have kids. When I transitioned, I was a criminal defence lawyer with a full caseload and had to come out to all of them. The most understanding were the kids. Adults have a bunch of pre-conceived notions. Kids just kinda go "yeah, cool, whatever". I've had more kid clients give me a hard time about smoking than about transitioning.

Dennis

Yes, My three teen children are fine with me being me too.  Not a problem for them or their friends for that matter.  I'm still their Dad, just a very different one to be sure. 

So another vote for " IT"S NOT AN ISSUE"

Beni

I'd add too, that it is important that parents take care of themselves. It's not that they're putting kids second by doing so, they're making sure they can take care of their kids. The other part of my practice is child protection, and parents who sink into depression and/or drug addiction are not doing their kids any favours. You need to be on your job to be a parent. It isn't easy. And if you're distracted by your own past of sexual abuse or your current issues, it isn't gonna cut it.

If more parents did their jobs, I'd be outta work.

Dennis

I agree with Miniar and Dennis and others.  If you can let your children know that you will still love them and that they will always be very important to you (in other words, they are not going to lose you as a parent), they will probably accept it.

My daughter is older, but her first question was: Can I still call you Papa?  I told her she can call me whatever she is comfortable with, and it's been a non-issue ever since.  (She's also thrilled that I am finally being myself and am so happy.)

I think most children don't want their boat rocked.  If they know they can still rely on you they will be fine.

- Kate

Quote from: K8 on June 02, 2009, 06:35:13 AM
but her first question was: Can I still call you Papa?

My grandsons choose to call me Nana, always and forever, but one thing.......
"Do you still like fishing and fixing things?"
"Sure!"......
"Cool"


Nana

While I am still a good distance away from a full time transition (barring winning the lottery ) I made the choice to be honest with my sons when the younger one started picking up on "slips" (like the waistband of pink panties showing)

My wife  -who's having more trouble with this thing on all levels - was very uncertain that it was the right move but they were very calm about it (the younger actually making some gentle jokes about it which is his way)

Now I commonly wear skirts and such around the house and it's not an issue at all.

Like some have said - kids seem to process these things better than adults. Not so much cultural baggage i suppose.

(and mine have less even than most because we homeschool)

I am American for whatever that matters. I waited until they were out of school to make life easier for them. They told me that they worried about me a lot, especially those last few years, not knowing what was wrong and why I hid in my house. I think mostly they are taking it well a be it a tad confusing, mostly with the oldest. I could go on about this subject a lot more but I'm tired and my "L" key sticks.

My daughters support me all the way. They are grown now and have their own lives. One daughter sends me makeup, jewelry, etc. She wants to know why I didn't come out years ago. It would have been better for the entire family.