Hi!

My name is Ekina, I'm a 21 years old MtF and I live in Hungary. I realized that something isn't right when I was 10 years old. I didn't know exactly what was my problem but after a year or maybe a little more I knew that I shouldn't be a boy. I'm not out yet, I'm gathering my strength to come out to my parents and close friends. I'm going to university this fall, maybe it's my time to start acting a little more like I want.

I found these statements here about transsexuals a half year ago and I'll try to describe myself using these statements:

Severe clinical depression
Sometimes I just can't be happy, no matter what happens I have these dark times when nothing can cheer me up.

Suicidal thoughts, plans or attempts
I've had some thoughts but never attempted a suicide, I like living too much.

Isolation, few close friends, spends time alone
True..

Shyness
Yes, that's me.

Hatred of their appearance, avoiding mirrors, pictures, videos
I hate when somebody is taking photos of me, or videos.

Self destructive  behavior, inattention to health issues, dangerous jobs or activities
Very true. I don't like to go to a doctor, I hate hospitals, I only go to these places when I have no other choice. Dangerous activities... hmm yeah. I love BikeTrials. It's a challenging sport with a lot of dangers, requries a lot of practice.

Inability to discuss deep feelings with others
True.

Feelings of doom and gloom, inability to envision future
I have this stupid feeling sometimes when we go somewhere by car that I'll won't come back alive and it's really hard for me to envision future when I have these dark times I  mentioned in earlier.

Inattention to appearance
When in boy mode.. absolutely.

Delayed or late onset puberty
True.

Well above average intelligence
Some say.

Immerse themselves in activities or jobs that require intense concentration, complex puzzles, video games, highly technical vocations.
That's true too. I love computers. I've learned computer science for 6 years (using computers for about 10-12 years), I'm a qualified programmer, multimedia developer, system administrator.

Possess a tolerance for others, very unlikely to be racist, homophobic etc.
I can't stand racism.

Almost never criminals
Never committed any real crime.

I have been reading this page and forum for a long time and I think it's a brilliant place with very good people. I hope I can be a useful member of this great forum.
[edit]Removed url. - Nero[/edit]

Ekina,

    Welcome. You are on the right track. Just keep looking around in here  and you will more than likley find answers to all your questions.

                                       Marco

i ekina hued tetzic lenny lol that all the hungarian i know welcome and nice to meet ..well sort of
                      :)jaded

Hi Ekina,
It's nice to meet you.

Welcome to Susan's.
I'm glad you found the site.
If your look for information about gender issues this is the place.
Please read the site rules if you haven't already.
I'm sure by your posting that you have used the Wiki but have you checked out the links.
If you like chats we have a great one too.

The university maybe a good place to start discovering who you are.
But you can begin now by allowing your female personality out. What really make a woman is not the cloths or the body but would is inside; the spirit/soul of a person.
No one including your parents will mind if you become gentler and more sensitive.
Just be yourself don't let other dictate how you act.
That just my opinion.
Hope to read more of your postings,

Jillieann 

Hi Ekina,

Its nice to meet you.  Welcome to Susan's.  You will find lots of good information here and meet new friends too.  Be sure to check out the Reference Library and the WIKI.  Please feel free to ask questions.  Lots of knowlegable people here to help you.  I look forward to reading your posts in the forums.  Take care!   

Hugs,

Shannon

Hello, Hello, Hello.
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome.

Glad you found us.  Let me just add to the other comments that you are among friends here, so relax and enjoy your stay.

Steph

Hello Ekina:

Welcome to Susan's and thank you very much for posting an introduction; you've come to the right place, for you'll find many gals and guys in different stages of transition here.  Please feel free to explore te site, get familiar with the site rules and the wiki, and keep posting.  It's great to have you!



tinkerbell

Hello and Welcome, Ekina!

I'm happy you found us and decided to begin posting.  I'll be looking forward to reading more from you.

again, WELCOME ! ! 
helen

Heyyas Ekina   Welcome to susans. Im part hungrian from my dads side of the family.  Thats a really interesting set of statements (never saw/noticed them before) and I liked your imput to them.  Feel free to drop by our chat anytime you would like. Lots of great people there too as well as here on the forum.

Welcome Ekina.

Nero

Hi Ekina,

Welcome to the site, it is good to have you here.

I have been to Hungary many times and crossed the bridge over the Danube many times in Budapest.

Showing my age now, these where unfortunately before you where born....

This is a great site and you will make many friends....

Buffy

Ekina:
  Welcome Ekina, welcome.  I liked also how clearly you introduced yourself so much so that i clearly remembered my youth and felt all of those feelings.  As time went on I chose to act on my impulses, to dress up and later come out, those symptoms began to ameliorate and soon vanished when I fully came  out at work.
  My point is that we are glad that you are here at Susans and that you will meet, chat and discuss topics that will invigorate your courage and ideals as to what you want from life
  looking forward to your posts
my god! this section: intoductions seems i have neglected, i just got back from a weekend of full work and my oh my all this wonderfull new people, this is great! 

sheila18

Welcome to Susans Ekina.

Melissa

Ekina Welcome,

Sorry I missed your post earlier. You have as you know by now found a spicial hang out. A very comfortable place with many friendly individuals with great wisdom. Please be at home and share what ever and when ever your confortable.

Smiles,
Peggiann