Greetings from Nowhere, Arizona!
My name is Abbey and I'm 20 years of age living near Phoenix, Arizona. I'm a female force being barricaded inside of a males body =x.
I've always had a feeling something wasn't right with me since around the 7th or 8th grade...probably earlier if I could remember that far back =p. As I went through high school the feeling actually increased instead of withering away...the feeling as though i really did not fit into what I've been sexually assigned as (but i did not know this yet). Because of my extremely rough childhood (My mother had an extreme alcohol addiction while my step dad had a short fuse) I was challenged to mature very quickly in order to cope with the situations that i was facing on an everyday basis. Due to this issue of always having to cope with parenting my mother and trying to smooth things over with my step dad I had built an extremely tough emotional wall in which i was able to bottle up even the most harshest of feelings so I could function and goto school worry free.
During around my junior year this wall i had built up inside my mind was starting to deteriorate, not because of my family issues but because of something else...that feeling of something within myself not being right. Now I always known 2 sides of me..almost like 2 different people within the same mind, but as i went into my senior year this other side of me started to have a different personality...it had different tastes and alternate views of the world around me. I adopted this other side of me and i became a different person, i was more outgoing, talkative, happy, and essentially a better person in my perspective. Even with my dating life (which has been all females) before my relationships were awkward and uneasy..but then after i let this other side of me take over every relationship after that was an exciting journey (even when they ended it was on good terms xD)As my senior year ended i had been transformed on the inside, i was able to deal with harsh situations with a clear and precise mind with my family and with my friends they would say I really had changed that final year in school. But as this personality flourished, it soon became clear that it had more intentions in mind.
As i started attending ASU (Arizona State University) the feeling of always being out of place started to clear up..and i began to see why i was experiencing this feeling. One night after work i came home and watched T.V with my parents (THings within my family have toned down alot now since my early childhood) CSI came on and it was an episode that involved a transsexual. I truly believe watching that episode triggered some internal switch within me, like my personality had to be shown what it was missing to be able to define what it needed..almost like knowing what you want to say but not knowing the words to say it. After this i soon started research on Issues dealing with transgender and was able to connect with all of it..this was what my soul was longing for...my other personality which had been trying to get out for so long was female.
There so much more that i can type but i think ill try to shorten it as much as possible now so no one falls asleep =p. Soon after doing research...and cross dressing (If felt amazing and further more...it felt right) I decided to see a therapist on how I could move forward towards completing myself. All while this was going on the female side of me become more and more prominent to the point where i was facing deep depressions because this is what Ive been wanting all my life and I couldn't "just" have it...it was a process.
This probably brings me to where I am now...I've stopped seeing my therapist for awhile because I am at the point where I can start HRT...while i would want nothing more to proceed I'm at a mental block because i haven't told my parents yet. I'm so scared telling them would reenact the past, driving my mom back to alcoholism and shortening my step dads fuse. So here I am now...finally reaching out and attending some LGBTQ meetings and trying to find forums like here for support...I've never had a conversation with someone whos transgendered and i've been searching for months now..wanting to find some answers to my questions by just talking with someone...rather then reading up on everything like a book. A site like this seems to be a goldmine of kindhearted and helpful people that I would love to get to know =D.
So this is my short little introduction =p, I look forward to getting acquainted with everyone as well as getting involved in these forums =).
This is my first post....so i guess 14 more and i get to actually have a profile XD!
