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In closet TS wondering about some clothing choices

Started by Jester, May 22, 2009, 08:09:51 PM

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Jester

Hi,  I have a request.

See, I'm an mtf transsexual who's pretty far in the closet.  But I've been growing my hair out for years for reasons that involve guys from the 80s with leather pants and three minute solos, and I'm short with a slight frame and a pretty face.  So... pretty effeminate.  I'm wondering what options are available to me in order to femme up my look while specifically avoiding being percieved as one of these two social groups: emo and hippy.  The first is because I'm an adult, and the second because I really don't like how bohemian women look.  I just don't.

I've recently gotten into the types of jeans that can best be called skin-tight rocker jeans, and am gonna downsize my shirts one step.  Switched out my bookbag for one of those over-the-shoulder laptop case things.  Gonna get my other ear pierced. 
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Nicky

So you want to look more feminine but still dress like a man? I guess it depends on how far you go and how noticable you don't mind being.

You could learn to tie your hair up in feminin ways. E.g. a simple pony tail placed high on the head is easy, or you could learn to tie a bun. Just make sure the hair is groomed - get a trim

Some ideas you have not mentioned:
You could go for some 'nude' makeup - just a bit of lightly tinted lip gloss can make a huge difference
Jewlery
get your nails done - you could just have them shaped and have a clear coat on them if you are not up to having them colored.
get a hand bag.
women's shoes
shape your eyebrows.




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TamTam

It sounds like from what you've said that if you try to femme up your look any more, you'll stop looking like a guy.  Which is fine, but not so good if you're in the closet and trying to stay there. :-\
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Nicky

Depends on where you live I think. I'm not sure if would take you out of your closet because most people won't suddenly think 'transexual',  but you will probably end up looking queer (in the odd sense of the word).

If you want to stay in the male realms perhaps metrosexual is a possibility - just be well groomed. If you wear female underwear and shave your body hair can help to make you feel more fem even if nobody can see it.
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Mr. Fox

The messenger bag may send off emo waves.  Just be sure to avoid wearing band T-shirts from Bullet for my Valentine or As I Lay Dying, and you should be fine, though.
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Jester

My band t-shirts read "Gamma Ray" "Helloween" and "Bad Religion."  No time for new bands when the old ones are here for good.  I'm way too hardcore to be mistaken for an emo, except by bros and their opinions don't matter.

I actually shaped my eyebrows over the weekend without checking this forum, and not a person has noticed.  Which is weird, because my eyebrows are almost half the size they were and have a clear shape.  I suppose I'm generally well groomed though...

I think I will totally look into some clear lip gloss, even if make-up places still make me uncomfortable.  I am in the act of increasing the amount of jewelery on my face.  Rings don't really.... fit me, so that ain't happenin'.  I wear Chuck Taylors, so my shoes swing both ways.

I do shave and wear female underwear.  The problem with my shaving is that everyone knows- except my family, and I live with my brother.  It is 30 degrees out.  I'm wearing shorts.  Blech.

Everyone I know jokes that I'm the "Prettiest Princess" because of my inherent femininity and admittedly beautiful hair and that's awesome except that I obviously don't feel as pretty as they seem to think I do.  My general appearance is actually pretty feminine, but the small details of my appearance, the way that I dress, and my mannerisms are quite masculine.

Thanks for your answers, they were all totally helpful.  But now I have a new question if you don't mind, how do I remove gender specific details from my stance, my walk, body language, actual language, so on and so forth?  I know it's a loaded question, and I'm not really expecting to get the whole answer all at once, but an answer would be appreciated.

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Feever

I need a new pair of sandals, and have been considering purchasing a set of womens sandals.  Nothing overtly feminine, just manly enough not to stand out.
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Nicky

I just had another idea regarding appearance. You could 'tuck'. Nobody is going to notice, but I reckon people actually do on an unconcious level.

Removing gender specific body language....mmm.
I think awareness and people watching will help you here. The women around you are going to be your best guide.

The simplest one is not to sit with your legs wide open, men tend to take up as much space as they can, women generally don't.

I think walking is a tough one. You don't want it to look like you are putting it on. If you get some shoes with a bit of a heal I think you will find your walk will be a little more nuetral. I bet the cross-dressers will have heaps of advice here, you could try their forum. Personally I find if I walk from the theighs, think theighs forward, you get a bit more of a fem walk as you end up moving your hips more, just don't over do it. Another thing you can try while walking is simply to turn your wrists slightly to point more forward - some people find this makes a huge difference. Again don't over do it. Too far and you will end up mincing. Might be worth getting a mirror and practicing.

In terms of talking, I think if you can improve your listening skills and practise your empathy this will give you a good base to work from. Take an interest in how people feel, be supportive. Man or woman, this is a good thing.
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Simone Louise

Quote from: Mr. Fox on May 24, 2009, 04:15:40 PM
The messenger bag may send off emo waves.  Just be sure to avoid wearing band T-shirts from Bullet for my Valentine or As I Lay Dying, and you should be fine, though.

I carry a tan canvas woman's purse, designed like a messenger bag, but smaller. I bought it from a popular catalog. The only comment I've had is one woman, who asked how I like it. She was considering buying it.

I don't take it inside UPS. In fact, all I take with me are car keys, tissue, and water.

I also wear the ponytail high enough to swing when I pivot. My long hair gets comments.

S
Choose life.
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tekla

I have several messenger bags.  Most of the people I know who bike have them, boys and girls.
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...
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Mr. Fox

Gee, I've sparked a whole messenger bag discussion, so I might as well talk about mine.  It is yellow and it has pictures of a flute, a clarinet, and a saxophone.  Next to the flute, it says normal, next to the clarinet, it says normal, and next to the saxophone, it says twisted.  Yes, I am a nerd.
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nathan

Quote from: Mr. Fox on May 26, 2009, 06:26:12 PM
Next to the flute, it says normal, next to the clarinet, it says normal, and next to the saxophone, it says twisted.

That. Sounds. Awesome.   :D

Mine is just a boring ol' gray Express bag.
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tekla

I'm all about the Timbuk2 stuff, one is pink, one is gray/black, and the big one is gray/black.
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...
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Autumn

Summer is actually an ideal excuse to shave. You have *no* idea how much heat body hair traps, especially as an adult male with long, curly, had years to grow hair. If you shave your arms, be sure to flex vigorously and show off the guns. Also you're going to get horrible rash the first time you shave body areas, probably. Electric necessary to weedwhack first.

Any major changes you make will resonate stronger because you're changing a pre-set image that you've developed with people.

Womens slacks and jeans work, but the pocket space is non existent. Most things kept in womens' slack pockets, if they even have pockets, are probably going to fall out. I wear mens' slacks at work just because I need the storage space.

If you wear studs, try loops, they feminize your appearance quite a bit.

Lip gloss, try to find something in your natural shade, maybe one of burt's bees colored products. I once wore the wrong shade of shimmery lip tint and got called on it. Whewps.

It's a lot easier to find awesome womens' shoes than mens. Going and trying them on... a little more challenging. You can find androgynous shoes with some heel to them.

Also, perhaps a nice perfume. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab (internet) makes a variety of insanely awesome bio-reactive oils that you just dollop on yourself at neck/wrist/etc and are very addictive.

Womens' button down shirts are also an option. They are big in the chest (breasts, really?) but tighter in the ribcage. Depending on how masculine your frame is, you may or may not be able to wear them. They're shorter in length so they work untucked without hanging down past your ass and looking tacky, or if you get a long length one designed to tuck in, there will be less bagginess. My biggest problem with them was that they're narrower in the shoulders, and even before I developed upper body muscles, they were too tight. A stretchy material is ideal.
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nathan

Quote from: Autumn on May 27, 2009, 03:24:52 AM
Also, perhaps a nice perfume. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab (internet) makes a variety of insanely awesome bio-reactive oils that you just dollop on yourself at neck/wrist/etc and are very addictive.

A perfume shop with products inspired by Neil Gaiman...  :o  Autumn, thank you so much for mentioning them!
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Jester

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