I'm almost 49.  I haven't worked since Sept 07.  I had 4 job prospects this month, and didn't get any of them.  I have a few more weeks of unemployment extensions and little hope left.

I'm writing this more as an exercise in seeing what's really on my mind than hoping somebody will offer useful advice, or wanting a bunch of supporitive answers.

I have a Master's in Library Science, and worked for 15+ years as a librarian.  5 years into my career, I got a very good job as a head childrens' librarian.  At that time, I considered myself a hetero-crossdresser, because I was sexually attracted to women.  I didn't mind working dressed as a man, with a gender-neutral mindset, in a woman's profession; as long as I could be a woman in private and sometimes when I went out to gay bars.  The director who hired me was obviously gay, and he probably looked at my plucked eyebrows and thought I was gay, when he offered me the job.  However, some of the mothers took exception to having a queer man in the childrens' room, and they complained to the library board, and I did not pass my probation.

After I lost that job, I couldn't get another job in public libraries; and I wound up as a high school librarian, in a rural area, and I kept my queerness in the closet.    I excelled at teaching computer apps and internet research to both students and teachers, and I gained somewhat of a national reputation by posting on librarian listserves.  I was recruited by a prestiegous private boarding school, where I acted straight and was a woman when I went on vacation.

A student came out as gay, and the school reevaluated their policies, and I came out to the head of the committee, telling her I was a non-trasitioning transsexual.  Kinda like I had a mild case of it, not serious enough to make it worth going through the pain of eloctrolysis or the expense of surgery.  The committee head was supportive, and said it would be a plus to have me on staff to help students who were having gender issues.  But, I think the upper management felt that gender queer was a step too far.  Even though I already had been given a letter of rehire for the next year, with a raise - the Headmaster told me I would not be coming back for the next year.  In those days, there were no laws to protect people from discrimination against gays or trans, so they could.  They paid for me to go to the librarians' convention, where I could hopefully get another job at the placement center, and promised me good references.  But the headmaster made it clear, they would fire me, if it came to that.

I got recruited to be a high school librarian, and moved to Colorado to take the job.  Then No Child Left Behind passed, and, without a Teacher's License, I was suddenly unqualified for the job I had been doing so well for 5 years, and lost that job.

Two years later, I got a job as an elementary school librarian, in a two year program to also get my teaching license.  There was a budget crunch after the first year, and the principal decided the best way to make his budget was to downgrade the librarian from full teacher to paraprofessional.  Because of some union issues, to do this, he had to give me a bad evaluation.  Even though I had good evaluations from the teacher education observers, the principal did a hatchet job on my evaluation so he could non-renew me, and make his budget.

I tried substitute teaching, hoping to make a good impression and get hired on the next year.  But substitute teaching is hard, they blame the sub when anything goes wrong - so I got fired from that.  Plus, it turned out that since I had failed to complete my two year program (being unable to, by rule, without a full-time teaching job), I was not eligible for any kind of elementary school provisional license or licensing program.

Then I got a job at a small for-profit college, as the librarian and teaching some classes.  After a couple of years there, I had changed, the medical understanding of transsexualism had changed, and the laws had changed.  I came to the understanding that I was trans, and perhaps would want to transition.  I started on hormones and went to counseling.  When I marched in the Pride Parade, I knew that I would want to eventually transition.

The hormones were showing some effect, I was plucking my eyebrows and removing my body hair, and had come out to some people.  Plus, I was seen in the parade.  The college figured that, if I transitioned, it would be bad for business.  They only had 200 students, many military or ex-military, so any student that dropped out for any reason was a bad thing.  If even 10 students dropped because I made them uncomfortable, the school would be in the red.  Plus, upper management was very homophobic.  They fired me on a pretext of insubordination.

I got a lawyer willing to file a complaint with the state labor board on a contingency-pay basis - but the lawyer was not willing to file a suit.  It took a year and a half for the state to rule against me.  During that time, I wrote two books and tried to get them published, and applied for numerous jobs.  Those prospects kept me hopeful enough to keep going.  But I am sure I am getting horrendous job references from my last employer. 

Sometimes I applied as a man, and sometimes as a transsexual.  I didn't get any interviews except for librarian jobs, probably because people considered me overqualified for regular jobs.  Sometimes I wrote a cover letter saying, "I might seem overqualified for this job, but as a transsexual my employment prospects in libraries are pretty dim....".  One part time library job in a private prison where I sent my male resume, when they called me for an interview, I told them I was trans, and had been living as a woman since I lost my last job, and wanted to interview as a woman.  I told them that I had not been dishonest with the male resume, since I was legally male and my work history was under my male name - but because I was trans, I would be glad to get such a low-paying job as they were offerring, when I might otherwise seem overqualified.  The interview seemed to go well, but no job offer.

I have reached sufficient desperation to have applied for library-technician jobs in the state prison system.  I tested first place in the state on their objective tests, interviewed (as a male) well, and then flunked what they called the "integrity" interview - because I lost too many jobs in the past.

So, with my checkered work history as a librarian, I don't expect to get any library job in this economy.  With my long work history as a librarian, I don't expect to get any job outside of libraries.  The way companies do background checks, I don't expect lying about my background to get me a job in this economy.  At my age, in this economy, I couldn't even make a living as a prostitute, if I could bring myself to do that.  My books were rejected by hundreds of agents.

The most basic thing about being trans is that transition or surgery is considered a medical necessity because the trans-person would rather be dead than continue living in the wrong gender.  If I could live in the wrong gender with the hope of transitioning someday, I might be able to make it.  But now that I have lived mostly as a woman for years, but can't afford to replace my worn out wig, razor blades not to mention necessary beard cover makeup, or hormones - I've reached the point where I don't care to live any more.  When the unemployment runs out, I can't face eviction and giving my dog up for adoption, even if anyone would adopt an 11 year old dog.  I owe money on taxes I never paid on unemployment benefits, credit cards now in default.  Even if family members could help me financially, they couldn't help me enough to make a difference. My car needs repairs I can't pay for, and next month I won't be able to pay a fine for expired plates.  I'm not going to jail as a man, I'm not going to be homeless as a man, I'm not going to be heartbroken as a man.  I wrote my suicide letter a year ago, and it's tucked away in my bible.  I am going to keep on plugging until I reach the end of my rope, or a more apt metaphor, the end of the gangplank.  But I don't have much more hope.

Last night I dreamed that I was singing kareoke, a version of Leaving on a Jetplane, but with my own lyrics.  Some of the lyrics are still in my mind:

I'm leaving, for very far away
Don't think that I'll be back again.
So kiss me, and cry with me
Tell me you'll remember me
Hold me like you'll never let me goooooooooo!
I'm leaving, like a jet plane
I know I won't be back again.
Oh how I hate to go.

Hi Gina. Wow, you certainly have had a rough go of it! Unfortunately I don't have a lot to offer, except my sympathy for your predicament. As an employer, I tend to look at past work histories too. Yet that is not the only qualifier that I use. Perhaps, if you were to apply for lower end part time positions until you rebuild your work history, maybe even returning to school to attain a teaching credential, you might bring yourself to a better mental place than where you are at right now. 'Cause sister it really doesn't sound like your in a good spot.

It also doesn't sound as though you've reached full transition yet. Maybe you're just skirting (no pun intended) the edges of it right now? If so, possibly, it could be to your benefit and health to table "Gina" for a little while so you can focus on reestablishing yourself. I know that's most likely what you do not ( I know I certainly wouldn't) wish to hear, yet, it may be necessary and, your best option for now.

I'd like to add this. Before you go any further, would you make call to a mental health help line in your area? I am sure that can help you in this moment. I wish I had more to offer. Please stay safe. And may fortune find you.


Dawn

Gina,

There are times in my life where we get so low that the only direction to move is up.  I can certainly relate to your problems.  I had many similar issues in my past.  I also had a family that I left that required support.  Somehow, I did manage to find work, support my kids, and pay off all my bills.  Although I am a qualified Electric Engineer, there have been times in my life when I applied to work in sewage treatment facility, a fishery, a library, a trucking company.... you name it.  In 2003, I sent out over 2000 resumes for advertised/open positions. I didn't receive a single response.  So, I started my own company.

Don't give up doll.  Suicide isn't a very good option. It doesn't sound like that you will follow through with it.  I think that point was passed long ago when you decided to save your note.  I used to carry around "my bullet" that I was going to use.

Somehow we get through these things. I can't believe how resilient we really are. You are very smart..... you'll find a way.

We're here rooting for you.

Chin up... and all of that.

Cindi

Ever think of a used book store?

Quote from: lisagurl on June 05, 2009, 07:59:05 PM
Ever think of a used book store?

Same idea I had.

Remember that pulling the plug is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. When you are down there is no where to go but up. Hang in there.

We have all faced our share of difficulties.  I would suggest retail sales, maybe management.  With a Masters in the library sciences, you would think that a book store would look at you for store manager.

I have two degrees, both AA, one in automotive technology and the other is in computer programming.  And I am a cashier for a major chain store.  Home improvement of all things.

All I can offer is a shoulder to cry on and friend to listen.  Hang in there, Gina.  You never know what tomorrow will bring.

Janet

You are an intellegent woman. You'll get through this. Hang in there - it'll all work out. Life has a funny way of doing that.

These are bleak times for a lot of us. The economic crisis has many of us out of work or underemployed. Public understanding has not yet reached a point where we can live in society free of discrimination.

That said, those are external factors that can and will eventually change. There will be an economic rebound (given time), and society will eventually become more tolerant (given more time).

Eventually you'll find an employer willing to take you on as a woman. You just have to cast a very wide net. Keep spamming those resumes, and try looking at a wider variety of industries. If you have your age or sex on your resume - remove it - they don't need to know. You can explain once you get into the interview and they meet you face to face (IF they ask), but don't give them a reason to put your resume in the bin beforehand.

It's always a hard decision to apply for jobs as male or female. I'm facing the same issue myself. I'm not wanting to "surprise" them and risk losing my job 1/2 way though medical transition, so I'm interviewing in keeping with my being FT (becides, wouldn't be FT if you changed back when things got awkward). I understand things are different for MTF's though - but it is something to consider.

You need to stop coming out to everyone.  Not in your cover letter (!) or your interview.  Not until you have a job, have a good reputation at said job and not until you have to.  If you desire to be out on the job, you will probably need to relocate to somewhere with legal protections that actually enforces them and/or work for a queer friendly company/org/school. 

Dawn: I was ready to start permanent hair removal when I lost my job.  Not skirting the edges.  Now, all my friends only know me as a woman.  To go back now, it would be like I was lying to them the whole time.  To get a teacher's license now, I'd have to get a Master's in Education, and do student teaching.  How could I afford that?

Cindi: As long as I have money, I'm not at that point.  I wrote the letter so I wouldn't have to write one when I run out of money.  It could happen any day when I find the IRS took my unemployment for back taxes, and I'll be too upset to write clearly.  But I have pills in my drawer and charcoal in my closet.

lisa: You mean start my own used book store?  With what stake money?

riven: That's a nice platitude, but how is this a "temporary" problem?  My questionable work history is not going away.

Janet: Is your store hiring now?  Retail is hurting as bad as Detroit now.  Back when consumerism was driving the economy, retail had jobs to fill, but not now.

Teknoir: My big problem is I can't go full-time without facial hair removal.  3-4 days in a row of shaving close enough to pass, and my skin is hamburger.  There's not enough skin left to hold foundation makeup.  That's why the part time job at the prison was the only one I interviewed for as a woman.  I could work 3 days a week as a woman.  I couldn't work 5.

I appreciate y'all trying to help me see the bright side.  But it reminds me of the last scene of Monty Python's Life of Brian, where all the guys hanging on crosses sing Always Look on the Bright Side.

I'm happy happy joy joy about all the positive thoughts being expressed, and I understand why people want to say that, or, need to think it.  However.

- Book stores, like record stores are going out of business faster than the rest of the economy.  It's one place where the internet has made a huge difference.  SF has lost both its major record stores in the last 3 years, and two of its major bookstores.  Berkeley lost the biggest and oldest bookstore last year, and that's in a college town.  Why buy a used book for $3 when I can find it on Amazon for less than a dollar?

- Retail in general is never going to come back the way it once was.  The USA had 200 times more retail space than the next closest retail nation, that was not sustainable.

- People might want to start facing a reality that a whole lot of this is not going to come back, not in a year or two, not in a decade or two.  It's over.  Big McMansions out on the urban fringe, they can't sell them for half of what it cost to build them not even five years ago.  With them go the construction jobs, the jobs in furnature stores and home stores, and the suburban mall sprawl that supported it.  Detroit is never going to make as many cars again.  A good friend of mine who is an economist says "You've already bought your last new car, you just don't know it yet."  Endless retail and consumerism may not ever make a comeback.  Ever.

- Be a teacher?  Obviously a suggestion from someone who has been paying attention to schools from coast to coast laying off teachers as fast as they can.  Might as well suggest a journalism degree and going to work for a newpaper.

- Everyone can boo-hoo about how hard trans people have it, and they do.  But I could fill hundreds of pages with people who are not trans and have an equally hard time despite a good education and an excellent work record. The only people who have more work then they can handle these days are repo guys.  And I don't see that changing very fast.  Official reports have unemployment at 9.something percent, and those figures lie like a rug, I'll bet it's closer to 15% than it is to 9%.

People should brace themselves.  It's going to get a lot worse before it gets any better.

Thanks for your uplifting predictions, Tekla

QuotePeople should brace themselves.  It's going to get a lot worse before it gets any better.

There are a lot of young people that will make something happen. They are naive enough to ignore all the past signs. Depression pushes people to take risks. Remember if you have nothing to lose many rather die trying and take risks than just sit there or do themselves in.

Books will make a comeback as they can be borrowed from the the library for free rather than the cost of the electronic media.

Tekla is right about what she says, and lisa is right about what she says.  Young people will innovate and create the next generations of must-have technological toys, and the people who have good jobs will buy them.  The economy will perk back up, and there will be opportunity.  For some people.  But a great many people are going to be downsized out of the economy.  I think I'm one of those people.  Human resources people would have to be idiots not to prefer healthy young people for jobs, because of lower health care costs, compared to people my age.  As long as face-to-face interviews are part of the process, not giving my age on a resume makes no difference.  Unless there is universal health care, older workers are screwed unless they already have secure jobs.

Health Care is the only sector adding jobs, and that is going to crash when funding for health care dries up.  Unless there is non-profit, one-payer, universal health care; this country can't afford future helath care costs.  If there is this kind of health care, hundreds of thousands of insurance company workers and medical billers will be thrown out of work.  We're looking at 10% unemployment forever, with the rate only that low because another 10% will have given up looking for work, and thus don't count in the rate.

I just don't have any hope for myself personally, or this nation in general - and I don't want to stick around to the bitter end.  I'd rather go when I still regret it, than reach the point where death would be a blessing, but I don't have the means to accomplish it.

You need professional help go to an Emergency room. It is not all doom and gloom.  You could do things like    http://www.americorps.gov/ 

Life is about living not consuming. Try contributing to society rather than taking from it.  You have talents that people need. Forget about getting big bucks and enjoy the satisfaction of giving.

If you believe that you're being written out of society, then you will be.  You have to find something to hang on to.  I know that's hard when all you see is darkness.  I really do.  There are things to look forward to.  You just have to find them.  Meditate every day picturing the things you want.  Just don't let your darkness consume you.

Here are a couple things I thought of.  They might not be ideal, but they are better than nothing.

TEACH grants.  Yeah, some places are getting rid of teachers...for now.  But the economy will get better and they will start hiring again.  There are schools that offer TEACH grants which I believe are about $4000 a year.  You have to work in a low income school for it to remain a grant, but if you don't it just becomes a Stafford Loan.  Americorp will also give you an educational bonus once you complete your assignment, if you want...it can go towards student loans or towards tuition...that's how my mom paid for her master's.  They don't pay much, but it's better than nothing.

In Louisville (if you were willing to move), UPS will pay for your education if you work for them.  Granted, it's nights, an essentially free education for 20 hours a week isn't a bad deal.  If you wanted to go back to school.  There are other companies that will do that also.

Temp agencies.  When I was at the end of my rope with no job or any real hope for one, a friend of mine sent me some info for a temp agency.  Not only did they have me working right away, it was a temp to hire position and I got hired.  I don't think they cared about my work history.  I'd already worked for them for several months and they knew how I worked.

Also, I agree with Mister.  There are some things that you shouldn't say in a cover letter or interview.  One thing I especially wouldn't say is that even though you're overqualified, you'd happily except a low paying job with them.  If they mention that you are overqualified, just say, "Well, I've been out of work since 2007 and I need a job," or something to that effect.  Interviews are about confidence.  You have to go into the interview thinking that you already have the job.  Don't be arrogant, but be sure of yourself, your skills, and your ability to fit into the company.  That's what will get you hired.

I hope you find your way soon.  Suicide is never the right answer.  You have something to contribute.  The world needs you.

next generations of must-have technological toys

Maybe the next gen of must have toys are not going to be technological.  Maybe the next generation of good jobs are not going to be managerial/administrative. 

QuoteTEACH grants.  Yeah, some places are getting rid of teachers...for now.  But the economy will get better and they will start hiring again.  There are schools that offer TEACH grants which I believe are about $4000 a year.  You have to work in a low income school for it to remain a grant, but if you don't it just becomes a Stafford Loan.

I have a teaching license and can't find a job. Albeit, it's not high demand (math and science, or foreign language) but a saturated field (social studies).

Now, there are jobs in the MS Delta, or Jackson...if I could afford to move.

But teaching in the "hard places" lives up to it's billing. There are reasons those schools are always looking for teachers - I have hours worth of horror stories about the one I worked for.

(so yeah, I am willing to take such jobs but I know what kind of a nightmare they can be)

Above and beyond all that, I can guarantee you there's not a school in my state that will knowingly hire a transwoman or keep one if they find out later she's trans. I suspect that the large majority of the country is like that.

So if you want to be a teacher as a trans, you'd better have your tracks covered VERY well (IMHO)

Money for education and teachers depends on two things government funding, which is not good in almost all states, and population, and in a lot of places the number of kids is going down, so its possible that when these things financial blow over, there still is not going to be a huge hiring boom in teachers in many areas.

No one can predict the future and right now, I think we should concentrate on coming up with ideas for Gina.  No one said there would be a hiring boom or anything of the sort and Gina never said she wanted to be a teacher.  Those were just suggestions.  I think we need to start paying more attention to original posts than breaking down the responses.

So, more ideas for Gina?

- temp work has helped a lot of people through tough times

- in tough times repo agencies, collection agencies, and skip tracing all do land office biz, and they ain't too particular in who they hire.

- working for self, or running your own biz, but you have to be able to promote yourself and be in a field that is competition free for the most part,