This post has been a long time coming.

I've been having a bad couple of days, couple of weeks actually.

A couple weeks back I was at the mall with mum, dressed and looking as masculine as I get, and a couple distant relatives walked up, chatted with mum a bit, referred to me repeatedly in the feminine bend of the words, mum didn't correct them (it's my business to come out on my own terms and all that, so I didn't expect her to), and I was taken aback by how hurt I got. How I just wanted to walk away from it all and such.

A week after that, dad and another relative of mine were sitting at the table in my home after sharing a beautiful dinner with us (I'm a damned good cook!) and dad corrected himself at one point and referred to me along with a female relative in the gender neutral term, as if talking 'bout one guy and one girl, and the other relative corrected him back.
I cowardly didn't say anything and just sank into my seat.

And then today, the nail in my emotional coffin, I woke up feeling like a bloke.
Hubby gave me a good sendoff to work and called me a boy and referred to me in the masculine way, which made my ego purr.
And I was feeling, kinda good.
And a woman comes into the shop and says rather loudly "I almost never meet girls that are taller than me".

I'm at work, can't break down or argue, so I smile and go along.

But it's rather apparent I can't pass.
Not worth dirt.

this post is really two issues..

- your family not knowing/respecting your gender

-not passing to strangers.

I'm guessing the second wouldn't be as disturbing if it wasn't for the first since you've go an emotional connection to your family.  The only way for them to know to change anything in they way they refer to you i for you to tell them what's going on.  they can't read your mind, so tell them what's going on.

as far as passing in public, there's a whole ton of ftms who can't pre-t.  hell, there's some who don't 100% of the time after being on it for a bit.  hang in there.

Mister is correct mate!

Are you having gender therapy at the moment??

Jay

no such thing really up here, hoping to see the psychiatrist in july when he's back from his vacation,

It seems to me that shorter FtM's may actually have a better shot passing pre-T than very tall FtM's.  Pre-and-early-T, the average FtM looks young; that's just how it is--T has a big impact on the apparent age of a male.  Pre-T individuals often have, at best, the face of a pre-pubertal boy--and really, how many pre-pubertal boys are 6 foot?  On the upshot, once you do start to pass your height is likely to contribute to people thinking you are close to your real age, and not just a young punk kid.

I'm 5'11" and passed pre-T 100%.

Quote from: Mister on June 08, 2009, 07:57:24 PM
I'm 5'11" and passed pre-T 100%.

You, sir, are lucky 

The sad truth is that family and friends will always remember who you use to be even when they use the right gender, etc. Same goes for co-workers.  At least till you change jobs.  So try to not let that worry you too much.

I assume you have the guy walk and guy handshake down.  Mind you, for 50 years I had to work on the guy handshake and only got it right 50 percent of the time.  Lordy,  glad I don't have to worry about that one anymore.   For those that didn't know guy's walk by moving the shoulders and not the hips, exactly opposite of how women walk.  plus guys take bigger (IE longer) steps with each stride

Anyway there are 1000 things we do every second that tells others who and what we are.  You probably know that.  But it does take alot to unlearn old habbits and learn new ones.

It's frustrating, I know.  All I hope for is that people treat me as a woman and now a days everyone does.  Even those who read me.

So don't give up, tomorrow is another day.

Beni

I get really down when I don't pass as well sometimes but I do try not to let it affect me because it doesn't change the fact that I know who I am even if others can't always see it at the moment.  And I'm the only one who matters when it comes to my identity. Also remember it's really not going to be forever this is only temporary one day people will see you exactly as you want them too but I know it sucks ass, I hate it myself and I do get angry at people sometimes.

Just think one day you will be looking back and it will almost seem unbelivable that people saw you as anything other than a dude.

I assume (haven't had the guts to ask anyone) I don't pass for squat either. Don't let it get you down, we all have our bad days.

I think the key to remaining sane during the "awkward non-passing stage" is to just be yourself. Going over the top purely to pass as your internal gender will get you read more often than a porn mag in a truckstop restroom!

(I'm not saying anyone here is actually doing that, I'm more making the point it's a confidence related thing. The less confidence you have, the more ill at ease you seem, the easier you're going to be read).

There's nothing you can do about relatives... they knew you before, and they'll always be using that frame of reference - even after you tell them otherwise (of course, you have to tell them in the first place to get them to even start making an effort). Do not take being read by them seriously, they will never be able to give you accurate feedback.

take comfort in the fact that once you start T it will be a totally different story.  Theres two guys here with me that I didnt realize were ftm at first.  It appears that T works wonders.  At least I can say im impressed.

that's what I'm hoping...

I feel ya, Min. Just woke up and looked in the mirror and my face is as femme as ever. except now, it looks even younger and more childlike. Think the T is doing that, with all the oil and such.

My love and I were talking the other day.  I was saying if I could only get rid of any sign of facial hair (and the damage from having it removed) and get the voice right I could pass practically all the time.

She said, "Isn't it funny, the FTMs are getting rid of their boobs, growing beards and lowering their voices while we're doing just the opposite.  I guess those are the biggies."

I never passed before HRT & surgeries.  Now it's better than half the time I pass.

Give the T a chance, eliminate any 'poking out at the chest' (if needed) and you'll do fine.

Julie

Yeah... just be glad that once you've been on T a bit, not only will you pass, but due to your height, you most likely won't have to worry about people thinking you're far younger than you are (I'm a month from 27, but still get carded for rated R movies).

SD

Honestly, seeing I haven't been carded for anything since I was 14.. I think I'd get a kick out of that