Did anyone ever feel that they could never make it as a woman and just not try to do anything about their dysphoria?  My dysphoria seems to bother me less when I think there is no hope at all of me even being able to live as a woman, but I know it still is there.  Did anyone ever feel fine as a man for several years and then it just kind of developed through time.  I know I posted a topic similar to this.  Sorry if I sound as if I am repeating myself.  I feel I have a very awkward case of dysphoria and transsexuality.  I can't put my finger on exactly what bothers me.  I am pretty insane.     

Indeed, I thought that for many years. But then I learned how to pass and all hope of living a "normal" life went out the window.  Had I known then what I know now, I'd have never married nor had children.  BUT... I'm terribly glad that I did have children. They are wonderful kids despite the fact that they want nothing to do with me (it's that religious thing).

Cindi

For me, the quiet, subtle whisper that told me I wanted to be a woman turned into a scream the more I ignored it.

GID comes and goes, and ebbs and flows. Somedays it's very intense, and somedays it's no where to be found.

That seems to be the nature of the beast.

Quote from: Kelli on June 09, 2009, 12:40:48 PM
For me, the quiet, subtle whisper that told me I wanted to be a woman turned into a scream the more I ignored it.

GID comes and goes, and ebbs and flows. Somedays it's very intense, and somedays it's no where to be found.

That seems to be the nature of the beast.

A beast it is indeed.

Mine is screaming pretty loud tonight 

Cindy,
Regarding "Learning to pass" do elaborate. Are you talking about outward changes or changes of perception about our very unique birth process?

I'm pretty early in transition. No RLE, no hormones yet, have a great therapist though. When my dysphoria goes nuts I try to focus on my timeline and be active towards my goal of going fulltime.(w/in 2 years)
It's easy to pick on our features as they are now. From what I've seen it seems we will most likely change a lot with HRT and time. I try to focus on one or two features I know are great already. I find something positive to hold on to until I can start seeing the physical changes. Hang in there Lauren. You are not alone girl!

WOW Cindi, You look Great!

back to the subject

For me, it gets worse when I notice I'm left out of things I should be in. Example, years ago in catechism I wanted to be an altar boy. I volunteered only to be told I was a girl. How wrong they are but no matter how loud I scream  on the inside "Why can't you see me?" They are still bind.

Sometimes I feel like a monkey on a rock in the middle of raging river and I cant jump to either side 

Quote from: lauren3332 on June 09, 2009, 11:07:23 AM
Did anyone ever feel that they could never make it as a woman and just not try to do anything about their dysphoria?  My dysphoria seems to bother me less when I think there is no hope at all of me even being able to live as a woman, but I know it still is there.  Did anyone ever feel fine as a man for several years and then it just kind of developed through time.  I know I posted a topic similar to this.  Sorry if I sound as if I am repeating myself.  I feel I have a very awkward case of dysphoria and transsexuality.  I can't put my finger on exactly what bothers me.  I am pretty insane.   

Uh, you just described my life in one paragraph.

After too many years, I finally knew I had to open up to those around me.  As I opened to them, I opened to myself and knew I had live at least part time as Katherine.  As I edged toward that I found I had to live full time as Katherine.  And so it has gone, one step at a time.  Somewhere along the way I lost the concern about passing.  Now I don't give a d*** whether I pass.  (Well, it's nice when it is obvious that I do. )  For me it has been a realxing into who I really am (Kate) and I've never been happier. 

GID may return, I suppose, but I haven't encountered it since that first day of full time Katherine.

You're not insane.  (Maybe the world is, but that's another topic. )  You're just still working on finding yourself.  Good luck.

*hugs*
Kate

I lived and worked in drab for years.  Then the last 12 years the voice grew louder.  Till the day I tried to take my life.  I had slit my wrist and was going to slit the other one, when a woman's voice screamed "NO".  I looked around and I was alone.  As I tried to do it again, she screamed again.  "NO, I want to live".  So I call 911.  While I was in the Psych ward. I looked back at what happened and I realized the woman that screamed was the woman within.  I knew right then that I had to transition.  No more excuses, no more lies.

And here she is, I am.  Happy and alive.

Janet

Quote from: Janet Lynn on June 10, 2009, 08:26:44 AM
I lived and worked in drab for years.  Then the last 12 years the voice grew louder.  Till the day I tried to take my life.  I had slit my wrist and was going to slit the other one, when a woman's voice screamed "NO".  I looked around and I was alone.  As I tried to do it again, she screamed again.  "NO, I want to live".  So I call 911. 

And here she is, I am.  Happy and alive.

Janet[

II just have one word for that-AWESOME!!! Im hearing that same "I want to live" scream alot lately. Good for you lady! Its good to hear some good news.
[/quote]

I'm glad you listened to the woman within Janet. Also I think that's one of you best pictures yet  I woke up in the "Happy House" for the same reason but tried another method. I feel very lucky that someone had found me and made the call 

To Lauren3332:

Hon, you are NOT insane, and you are NOT alone.  Look at Janet Lynn's quote below:

Quote from: Janet Lynn on June 10, 2009, 08:26:44 AM
I lived and worked in drab for years.  Then the last 12 years the voice grew louder.  Till the day I tried to take my life.  I had slit my wrist and was going to slit the other one, when a woman's voice screamed "NO".  I looked around and I was alone.  As I tried to do it again, she screamed again.  "NO, I want to live".  So I call 911.  While I was in the Psych ward. I looked back at what happened and I realized the woman that screamed was the woman within.  I knew right then that I had to transition.  No more excuses, no more lies.

And here she is, I am.  Happy and alive.

Janet

Been there.  Done that.  Know it.   The year was 1989, and I was staring point-blank at a .38 Special totally and altogether debating about whether or not to do a spontaneous, nonsurgical, instantaneous major craniotomy upon myself with said firearm.  My own version of Janet Lynn's female voice stopped me from toasting myself.

Janet Lynn is absolutely right.  There comes a time when enough is enough is enough.  You just gotta go for it, Hon.  Both she and I started this whole process much later in life, but we're doing it.  Do it, Hon.  Just do it.  All of us gals here are telling you:  Your gender dysphoria WILL NEVER GO AWAY. 

By the way, Janet Lynn has encouraged me tremendously and has been instrumental in helping me START the transition process ... which I have done.  I consider her a real friend and am publicly saying here for all to see that I'm grateful to her for her kindness and understanding.  By the way, Janet Lynn, you're lookin' GREAT, Babes!  Best pic yet!

Anyway, Lauren, the choice is up to you, but do decide and then go with your decision whatever it may be that will work for you.  Good luck and hugs!   

  Ah Thank You , Lacey.  I am just another woman trying to make my own way in the world.

I am of firm belief, having DTDT, there is only one way to be happy with this and that is to 'Just Do It'.  Many will say that you can live with it, but I respectfully disagree.  If living with it worked for you, Great.  But I have heard too many trans people that have committed suicide while trying to just live with it.

Do what you must to be happy, but for me and many transition is the only way.

Janet

Quote from: lauren3332 on June 09, 2009, 11:07:23 AMDid anyone ever feel that they could never make it as a woman and just not try to do anything about their dysphoria?  My dysphoria seems to bother me less when I think there is no hope at all of me even being able to live as a woman, but I know it still is there.

Lauren I think you are describing what very many of us feel. Some may say it is caused by focusing on what you don't have, a sort of "vagina envy" if you will. But it's truly much more than that. It's not allowing yourself to be who you really are inside that's the problem, and I like others here have said almost snuffed out that little girl inside without ever giving her the chance to live. Even though the dysphoria still flares up at times until I want to scream, I am so very thankful every single day that I did give her a chance, because she is (I am) a more fulfilled person now than that pretend-man could ever hope to be. It just comes down to am I really worried about "passing" so much or would I rather live? Choosing to live has proven to be the much better choice.