I have been trying to change the content of my posts in order to help share things I am learning during transition.

I just wanted to start out by saying, for the people who are transitioning and still need to do their RLT or even come out at work, but are worried about acceptance, there is hope for you.  I transitionioned at work about a month ago and the acceptance I received is nothing short of phenominal.  Nobody had concerns about bathroom use and everyone has been using the correct name.  There was a pronoun slip once, but it was fine.   I did want to share some things that I think may have helped contribute to this.

1. Don't be shy and hide away, because you are scared how others will react.  Get out there and talk to other people - even small talk.  Make friends and don't be afraid to say hello to people that either knew you prior to transition or didn't know you at all.

2. Act as you want to be treated.  If you want to be treated as a lady, act like a lady.  If you want people to be friendly towards you, act friendly towards others.  If you want people to accept you, you need to accept yourself.

3. Help people with gender cues.  If you talk with a female/feminine voice and dress as female, this helps people remember who you really are.  They are less likely to get a name/pronoun wrong, unless they are doing it on purpose.

4. Get the job done.  After transitioning, there may be a desire to explore your new gender role and forget about the work.  There may also be some period of adjustment.  However, if you are able to do your job just as effectively or more effectively than you did before transition, then most companies will bend over backwards to help you out with your transition.

I am convinced that the less time you have been on the job prior to transitioning, the easier time you will have with people accepting you as your true gender.  I also believe that the more educated of people you work with, the easier time you will have.  Just be willing to work with your employer.  Most of them are there to help you so that you can be as effective of an employee as possible.  Good luck.

Melissa

Yep, I'll second this. My workplace was amazingly supportive (and continues to be) of my transition. I'd been working there for 5 years before I transitioned, and transitioned about a year ago. There's still the odd pronoun slip, but they're rare and I don't make a big deal of them.

Dennis

I live in Alabama.  At best, I'd be shot and killed, and I would consider that lucky for where I live.

Still aiming for October.... though depending on finances I may push it back, or if the finances arnt there I may jump it up 

My work is a total mix of the Educated, uneducated, the miscrants, freaks, loosers, punks, hippies, outcasts and so on......... over all a very accepting and open atmosphere...... I fit in now, and will fit in after I go full time       Its my kind of place LoL

Melissa,

This is a great approach and one that I will be using!

Chaunte

Well, I'm glad I was able to help at least 1 person. 

Melissa

Melissa,
Make that at least 2.  I plan to keep your post, because I feel that time is coming for me.  Thank heaven for articulate trailblazers such as yourself.

Carol

Quote from: carol_w on August 11, 2006, 10:27:36 PM
Melissa,
Make that at least 2.  I plan to keep your post, because I feel that time is coming for me.  Thank heaven for articulate trailblazers such as yourself.

Carol

Seconded......

Make that another one big sister. Thank you for sharing.
And don't forget all the people that are reading your posting, over 80 now,and most of them will never respond.  But you are helping some of them too.

Jillieann

See, that's why I used the phrase "at least".   It's good to know that I'm able to contribute something useful from my experience so far.

Melissa

QuoteIt's good to know that I'm able to contribute something useful from my experience so far.

Melissa don' t sell yourself short you have help me and I believe many other here a Susan's allot more that you will ever know. And i'm sure if you are willing you can contuine to help many of us as you travel along in your journey of transformation.

Jillieann

Melissa,
this is wonderful. I thank you for sharing it with us all.

Smiles,
Peggiann

I was lucky, at my last job, which was as a temp filing clerk (Finished 20 Dec 06), I could go to work as a woman. I could do this as when I had my interview I told my supervisor, who was the HR manager, that I was beginning my transition and ask if I could came to work as a woman, she already sort of knew about me as I had worked with her before at a different job, in which I told her I was a transgender person but I at that time I hadn't begun transitioning, so she said it would be O.K, but to start conservatively, IE no skirts or dresses, or heels, eventually I could on special occasions wear a dress or skirt, at this time I had not started HRT, anyway with in a couple of weeks I was treated and accepted as one of the girls, which was great. One of the reasons that my supervisor was supportive of me was that a childhood friend of hers had transitioned and is now living as a woman, so she knew what I was about to go through.

The other day I had a interview for a job and when I queried them about what clothes to wear and what toilet I could use, as I am open about my transitioning, and they said that I could wear a dress or skirt to work as long as it was tasteful and suitable for the office, ie no mini skirts or spaghetti strap tops or dresses, or stiletto heels, also I could use the women's toilet.

I was talking to one of my old co-workers the other day and she told me they were talking about me , about how much they miss me working there,(When the contract was finished it could not be renewed as the head office said their was no more funding, mine wasn't the only contract that wasn't renewed because of the funding issue), when one of them called me by my old name, a few of them had to think who this person was talking about as they have gotten use to me as Sharon, and as a woman.

So far I can not believe how accepting so many people are of me.

Hugs
Sharon

There's actually been quite a bit of turnover at my job and many of the new people have no idea I'm TS.  Still, I don't assume either way.  I just go and be me.   Even my manager left a little over a week ago. 

Melissa

This is a great thread and is very similar to the approach I used. I like to see threads like this cause often this is one of the most fearful steps in a transitions. It not only takes courage to face all the people at work but often it is your only means of survival!

It can be a big ouch if it doesn't work so I suggest lots of time planning! Again here is the letter that worked for me.

I sent it out via e-mail when I left for xmass break to return on Jan 2 as Female. Chop it up whatever I hope some part of it helps someone someday!!!!!!


Fellow Employees,
By now most of you will have had a brief meeting concerning my planned gender change. I wanted to address the announcement of my change to all of you personally. I am so grateful for everyone's assistance and support as this has been extremely difficult for me. From the time of my childhood I felt my gender wasn't correct and being male did not feel normal to me. Later in life these feelings become a serious problem. I feared that it was not healthy and sought medical assistance. This is where I learned of the name of my problem (Gender Dysphoria). This simply means that my feelings mentally and emotionally are in direct contrast to my birth gender (male) and I feel female. After a long, evaluation with medical professionals it has been determined that the severity in which I feel this way is not likely to ever be overcome. I chose to resolve my internal conflict by undergoing gender reassignment, from male to female.

This change has been taking place for a while now. I have been living in a female role outside of work for the entire time I have been employed here at XXXXX. Living life as a female has made me feel complete, meaningful, and has been the happiest time of my whole life. I have finally found myself in a life that I am very pleased with. I have a family, friends and I am finally in a female role and feel normal.

Coming to work everyday as "XXXX" has been difficult for me. I am not being true to myself by doing this. I look upon myself as female, I am now legally female and intend to live out the rest of my life as female. With the support of management here at XXXXX I have found that I no longer have to work as a male. For this I am grateful extremely grateful. So now I must face the difficult task of transitioning at work from "XXXX" to XXXX and live my life full -time as a woman. I will be coming back from our Christmas holiday January 2, 2001 as xxxxxxxx. . A big scary step, but I know in my heart I have to be myself in all aspect of my life.

Finally all aspects of my life will be where I want them to be and that is great for me. I am not the only one who is affected by this change. I hope this will not be a big deal and we just can move on with what we have to do here at work. If anyone is in a position of discomfort concerning my new identity as xxxx I hope that you will take the time to come talk with me. I would be happy to answer any questions you have. If you feel that you cannot address me personally please speak with XXX.

Thank you all for your time and understanding.

Sincerely,

Nice one Melissa, after reading through what you have said it kinda makes transitioning at work sound relatively straight forward !! 

Ooooh, and like your new pic by the way.

Becky
xx

Thank you Kristina and Becky.  Every once in a while I *can* come up with something useful.

Melissa