Well, I made some ugly lies up to cover up that I could be 'gay' to my family, and all last year I felt intense depress. The past two weeks were horrible, since I found that my mother found a book about the GLBT people- romance, sex, and stuff in my room (I didn't hide it well enough). Now I created huge lies. I told my grandma the same thing, so she won't think I am 'different', but the only lie that would work was I was opening a brothel in Vegas. Now, I am just all confuse about life, and I want to tell my mother, grandmother that I am at least 'gay'. 

I just feel awkward, and I need to tell because I feel like it's a huge mess in my life. If I don't tell then my grandma going to think I am doing this as a career (opening a brothel; she accepted!). But when I told her "I'm not gay", she said "no you're not gay, I would never think that". Which now means that opening a brothel is better than being gay, which is sad, but it's the truth. My father wanted to do that too, but I didn't mention it too him. He's not going to know.

So you think I should just come out, and forget about what they say. Just do it.

I suspect that your grandmother is not one to say much, but also is not easily fooled. I also suspect she knew all along and not only wants you to come out to everyone, but expects you to. IMO

She found out that idea, when my mother found out the book. I don't know if she knows know. She opens her mouth a lot, so I think I just came up with a good lie. The other book I had was about super madam in hollywood (I just like the cover), so it works... but not really.... I don't know if they are just beating around the bush or not, the evidence is there. My mother wants me to come out basically I feel that.

They would be alright with it at the end, but I am not ready, because I am shame of it a bit. I shouldn't be though.

My mother ask me if I was gay about three times, 12'ish, 15, and these past weeks.

Next time she asks, tell her yes and that you need a new dress, make ups and shoes or you'll die right now. (Just kidding about the "die right now part") That's what American girls say when they want something really badly. Then again I'm afraid to answer. What if your in one of those weird countries where they will kill you? I'd feel pretty bad about that 

Lol, I'm in U.S., I was just thinking of coming out as gay, then transsexual when I actually start doing it in 8 months....

Well, OK, sorry. I just happen to have visited a few of those countries were they kill just about anyone for any reason so I worry about that sometimes.
But hey, Your family already knows. At least your mom and grandmother. Maybe it is better to come out to them. One step at a time or maybe all at once. Whatever you feel most comfortable with. You know the situation better than anyone

I think that coming out as gay and then transsexual will just complicate matters.
They'll think that you're just a confused kid with your story changing every week.

Why can't you say that you just have questions about your gender identity?
If you want to smooth the path to a future TS declaration that would be more logical.
Also, you won't have to back-track and explain that sexual orientation and gender identity are separate.

Personally, Hon.  Lies never work.  They are seen though, and by telling them to cover up the real truth will only make you seem less that honest.  Tell them the truth and apologize for the lie.

They know something is up.  And are concerned.

Janet

Hi Paulina,

I agree with Virgina Marie and Renate and Janet - it is better to be honest and open.  Give them a chance to accept who you really are.  Rather than say you are TS and gay, just tell them you are transgendered and still trying to figure things out.  It sounds like they might be willing to help you figure things out.

Good luck.

- Kate