recently i met this wonderful man. he's really into me and i find myself thinking about him all the time.

he spent the night the other day, actually two nights ok. we didn't have sex as i'm asexual, don't need it don't want it. he tells me he's ok with that. his life is a total mess as in a pinball machine type of thing. the problem is i just adore him but he scares the ->-bleeped-<- out of me.
now i'm confused and feel as though my transition has stalled, however i felt that way before i met him, and i'm not sure what to do.


growing up i NEVER had a girlfriend or a boyfriend, however i have always wanted someone like him. now i have it and i'm scared.

can anyone out there help me with some advice. thanks

I wonder if you've heard the phrase "be careful what you wish for?" Not to say that you should not want this for yourself, merely that you ought to be careful going forward in that you understand everything- including the consequences this decision will bring- before you proceed.

If you don't know what will happen once you commit yourself to this man, then you might find an unpleasant surprise waiting for you. However, if you do know what will happen and you don't have a problem with it then you will be all the more prepared and ready to accept the future. That is the easiest way I can think of to alleviate your fears. If you remove the element of the unknown, then (hopefully) you won't be quite so afraid.

Of course, no one can predict with any certainty what any person will do at any one time....my dad would have never predicted me to be trans...but I think you can pretty well determine someone's future actions by understanding their beliefs. From their beliefs will come their decisions and through their decisions, they will build their lives. Therefore, if you know what he believes in (not just religion) you can develop a situation in your mind and see how it will play out based on what he believes. For instance, how will he react if you tell him about your transition? He'll have different reactions if he's open-minded or a very stern Christian, that sort of thing.

If your'e still looking for something in yourself, which it sounds like you are, I don't think your'e going to find it in him or anyone else. You mentioned always wanting something like this, but he is a person not a thing. I'm really into exchange theory in terms of relationships, and are you sure you can contribute as much or more to this relationship than you expect to take out? For that matter, if he's a normal guy, lol, he's going to want some sex eventually...which leads me to the last question, what exactly about him scares you?

I dunno, maybe with some more background it would seem different, but my first instinct is to say woah nelly.

he knows and likes me anyway

Quote from: Blaire on June 17, 2009, 12:41:58 PM
he knows and likes me anyway

Then....what are you afraid of?