Greetings everyone.  I was wondering if anyone here who is happy being post op share similar reasons to my reasons for believing that its what i want done.  OK so here is my attempt to give you some idea of my reasoning.

I am currently 24 years old, and have been undergoing HRT for about a year and a half now.  I wish that I would have started HRT earlier, but i grew up in a closed minded texan family that conditioned me to repress my feelings from early on.  I have always wished that I would have been born a girl, however growing up in a highly conditioned society made me afraid to even think about it for a while and i adopted a somewhat masculine persona for a while after reaching my teen years, but it never felt in sync with the universe.  I went through various stages of purging and trying to make the feelings go away but they would always resurface every couple of years or so.  By the time I was 19, my dad was terminally ill and laying on his death bed and it suddenly made me not afraid anymore since my angry dad was the source of most of the psychological torment that i had to struggle with up until that point.  I was so close to coming out right then and there and i sort of did for a time.  i grew out my hair and then had it cut into a girl's hair style, and everyone i grew up around became sort of uncomfortable with it...i remember being called things like "creepy fu**er" by some people, and other people spreading rumors that i was gay, so i moved to portland oregon where all the liberal hippies live so that i could be me and not have to worry about everyone from my past.  One day this friend of mine in oregon was like, you know i really dig the androgenous look you got going on, and i didn't even realize that i had made my appearance that way and suddenly I thought of everything that I kept secret from everyone and decided that transitioning is important for me to do or else i would be regretfully continuing to stunt my spiritual growth.

Im certain that I have no anxiety about getting an orchiectomy, and I'm also certain that if I could never be on the thrusting side of sex again it would not bother me one bit.  What I am uncertain of is what it will feel like after the srs.  Another reason that I want it (and this is a big one) is to increase the chances of finding a man I am compatible with before I reach middle age who isn't interested in me for being a chick with a you know what, because i have no interest whatsoever in those kinds of guys.  Also, i hate how my favorite clothing doesn't fit right at all and it causes me a lot of anxiety when i go out and the wind blows and outlines my my body and you can see that something is not quite right.  I'm scared about if i will still be able to feel the kind of pleasure that the nerves send to my brain when i orgasm, because although i hate using it, i do like the way its nerves feel.  I feel like any kind of moment of intense physical pleasure is like a gift from the source of creation, so I don't want to like eliminate my ability to orgasm.  I have read a lot into it and it seems like some people are totally happy with it and say they can orgasm and others who say that they can't. 

So in conclusion, I am pretty certain that I want to get SRS, but I'm not certain if my reasons for wanting it are the kinds of reasons people have it and are totally happy about it once they are post op.  Could you ladies please give me your insight to my concerns?  I would very much appreciate it!  Thanks for reading this and I hope you are all having a wonderful week! <333

Sincerely, Colleen

I would think you're on the right track just by wondering if you're wanting this for the right reasons. I don't personally know what the right reasons are, but I'd suggest, that while you're in doubt, don't book the surgery. Save the money and keep it open as a path in your life, and work on figuring out for sure "why" you'd like the surgery, and when you're sure that's a "good" reason, then you can go ahead.

I am terrified of change/loss of sensation in my own bits and pieces, and as such won't be opting to have the phalloplasty at least myself, and yet, I know that if I could get a functional set of men's parts, I'd go through hell and high water to get them. Why? because I "know" that's what I'm supposed to have.
I wouldn't expect it to fix anything other than my body, and I wouldn't expect it to make me "happy", but it would be "right".

Welcome to Susan's, Colleen. Nice to have you here.

Quote from: rena colleen bender on June 12, 2009, 09:44:57 AM
...

1st pargraph sounds very familiar. Same story for most of us in some fashion or another.

Quote...

That second paragraph "ditto" with the first.

QuoteIm certain that I have no anxiety about getting an orchiectomy, and I'm also certain that if I could never be on the thrusting side of sex again it would not bother me one bit.

The "thrusting side" and not particularly being interested in that is also rather typical. Although, be warned, with a penile-inversion one can still thrust herself. It's even a lot of fun!  

QuoteWhat I am uncertain of is what it will feel like after the srs.  Another reason that I want it (and this is a big one) is to increase the chances of finding a man I am compatible with before I reach middle age who isn't interested in me for being a chick with a you know what, because i have no interest whatsoever in those kinds of guys.

This is also a rather typical response. I doubt that anyone is much interested in "being" a body-part rather than being a human being full and complete and being "wanted" for that.

Which fact makes a lot of the banter around here and elsewhere by those who feel that they need to defend "straight, post-op women" at the expense of deciding that anyone who doesn't fit their definition (usually quite personally, in fact) of "being just like me" is anathema and not real as I am.

All "post-ops" keep the penis. The differences are involved with where that penis is now. It is what it is and doesn't really bother me. Everyone's comfort is her own and I can live with people as they are. You are obviously not like someone who chooses to stop at an orchi and that's also a great way to feel about one's self. All of it is what it is and doesn't affect anyone's "realness" or "womanhood."

Although it could well affect how someone approaches an open same-sex shower or an open nude-beach. But those are also personal things that people work out pretty well without my judgement coming into play at all.

QuoteAlso, i hate how my favorite clothing doesn't fit right at all and it causes me a lot of anxiety when i go out and the wind blows and outlines my my body and you can see that something is not quite right.

Learning to "tuck" well or using a "gaff" properly can alleviate that problem prior to SRS. If the penis and testicles shrink, as many do, on HRT the problem may well be solved through a simple pair of panties. Even larger sizes can be tucked or "gaffed" and not show one's incongruency in clothing. 

QuoteI'm scared about if i will still be able to feel the kind of pleasure that the nerves send to my brain when i orgasm, because although i hate using it, i do like the way its nerves feel.  I feel like any kind of moment of intense physical pleasure is like a gift from the source of creation, so I don't want to like eliminate my ability to orgasm.  I have read a lot into it and it seems like some people are totally happy with it and say they can orgasm and others who say that they can't.

No surgeon will write you a guarantee that you will be fully orgasmic after SRS. Although the general consensus appears to be that most will be capable of orgasm provided they don't have a psychosomatic or other physical condition that would prevent it. (The psychosomatic conditions are usually, but not limited to, sexual abuse, often severe, in childhood, adolescence or young adulthood, sometimes even in later adulthood. Depends on trauma severity in the individual.)

Physical conditions could be a "botched" surgery or a problem that was pre-existing in the nervous system. Yep, not every surgery "completes" perfectly. Sometimes scar tissue and fissures and necrotic tissue can affect orgasmic abilities post-SRS. 

Most recommended for post-op orgasmic capacity is prolly Brassard in Montreal who was a neuro-surgeon in a former professional life prior to his juncture with Dr. Menard in Montreal. Drs. Bowers, Meltzer, McGinn, Suporn are also noted among post-ops for providing good post-SRS orgasmic capacity.

There are prolly others, but that lists those most commonly noted by post-ops I read and know. 

QuoteSo in conclusion, I am pretty certain that I want to get SRS, but I'm not certain if my reasons for wanting it are the kinds of reasons people have it and are totally happy about it once they are post op.  Could you ladies please give me your insight to my concerns?  I would very much appreciate it!  Thanks for reading this and I hope you are all having a wonderful week! <333

Colleen, most of us are going to tell you that we get the SRS to personally feel complete. Many of us will tell you that part of that is being able to continue sexual relationships effectively and with pleasure. And most will tell you that that is exactly what occurs.

Many of us will say that even prior to SRS we were able to have satisfying sexual relationships without the surgery and continue to do so afterwards. But, as I said above there are no guarantees.

I'd also point out to you that SRS is not a marker for ongoing happiness. Life continues to be life and we all have problems after SRS just as we did before SRS. That's a normal thing with people, operations do not provide in and of themselves either the "sense" of congruity or the basis for ongoing "happiness." But they do effect changes that may well lead one to feeling "totally" conguent and toward a better possibility of "happiness" without having the ongoing problems with "how one feels about herself."

It's just that the op itself isn't going to be able to handle that for you, me or anyone else.

Your reasons seem quite as valid as do anyone else's for having or not having SRS. Like everything else it's a choice we make and that we make for normally personal reasons that have to do with our own sense of who we should be physically. The same thing is true for BAS, FFS and HRT. They do NOT "make the woman" obviously. There are far too many trans and genetic women who don't have any or all of those surgeries and are every bit as "womanly" as any other women.

You'll never, with current technology, be able to bear your own "conceived" children. But that is also NOT a marker for womanhood. Some females are born every year with a "closed" vagina. They don't have one at all. They are no less female than any of the rest of us. Women are consistently born with severely damaged or missing ovaries. Not all women have ueteruses or unblocked or existing Fallopian tubes.

So, for happiness I'd suggest that the op or lack of it is an ingredient one uses to work herself toward her own contentment. Your reasons are important to you and that is EXACTLY what you should look at. "What will I be satisfied with for me." The rest of us are totally unable to speak for or against your comfort and how you choose to go about your life.

But, I believe we are all willing to support how ever you attempt and hopefully succeed in getting there.

Nichole

warning: opinion ahead

If you have to ask for validation about a life altering medical procedure that is technically optional even though it's the best known "cure" to "dsyphoria", then don't do it and haul your butt to a therapist.

If your reasons boil down to getting a male mate, achieving the look in jeans, and orgasms, then I think you're going at it for all the wrong reasons. This isn't something you can just go to a surgeon, hock up money, and come out 2 weeks later with a vagina, it's a life long commitment with real consequences, and if you aren't doing it (srs) for yourself, then don't blame others if your fantasy falls apart.

its not just some fantasy.  I'm not trying to adopt a new identity, I'm only taking steps to amplify my current existing steady but fluid identity..I think some of you may have misunderstood my words and perhaps "valid" was the wrong word to for me to use as i am not trying to get anyone to validate me as a transsexual since i already know who i am.  ..i could write 100+ pages about why im 99% sure that i want it done...     but thank you all for your responses, and I'm looking forward to more if/as they come.

this excerpt seems somewhat appropriate..

all things arise,
suffer change,
and pass on.
when you know this,
nothing perturbs you,
nothing hurts.
you become still.
it is easy.

-ashtavikra gita 1:11

Hi Colleen,

Welcome to our little family. Over 2500 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out

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If you are In Portland and looking for a therapist, call Reid Vanderburgh.  He is the best one in town.  He is mine as is great.  I am going to go to Dr. Nguyen in Oregon City for my orchie and eventually SRS.

Janet

Quote from: rena colleen bender on June 12, 2009, 12:57:17 PM
all things arise,
suffer change,
and pass on.
when you know this,
nothing perturbs you,
nothing hurts.
you become still.
it is easy.

-ashtavikra gita 1:11

Namaste, sister. For twenty-four you are in glorious company and appear to have your head adjusted better than you've been credited with here.

If you sit at Ashtavakra's feet with King Janaka to learn, then you need no help from anyone here.

We struggle often it seems to "hear" what people are saying about themselves through the gauze of what we "hear" about ourselves instead.

You now have one impressed fan. Welcome again.

Nichole

Quote from: Nichole on June 12, 2009, 01:24:34 PM
Namaste, sister. For twenty-four you are in glorious company and appear to have your head adjusted better than you've been credited with here.

If you sit at Ashtavakra's feet with King Janaka to learn, then you need no help from anyone here.

We struggle often it seems to "hear" what people are saying about themselves through the gauze of what we "hear" about ourselves instead.

You now have one impressed fan. Welcome again.

Nichole

I wasn't going to comment simply because Nichole said it much more eloquently than I could, but I do have to say that I am highly impressed by your state of mind.

I have not studied Eastern philosophies anywhere near as I wish I have, but when I come upon one who has studied I stand impressed.

Colleen, you are asking yourself all the right questions.  As you already know, the answers lie inside of you and you have them.  You'll do fine, my sister.

-Sandy

sounds pretty valid to me. go for it. just easy on the morphine

Only you can know if SRS is right for you. I think everyone who is going for SRS thinks about the things you wonder about -- sex, clothing, and so on. That's natural. It's also natural to wonder what it would feel like and if your new vagina would work and look right.

I went to Brassard (in Montreal) last year. I'm very happy with my results, despite having a rough go with some minor complications (infections, which are long gone now).

I love that I can fit tighter jeans, or just how my clothes fit in general. It's nice to not have to tuck or worry about what's between your legs.

Sex, I can tell you, is amazing. It's different then before, of course, and it takes a bit of time to get used to your new vagina. Treat her well and with lots of care. It will take a few months to heal, of course, and even a year post-op I still notice different changes and healing going on. It's a wonderful journey.

I don't know how to explain what sex is like as a woman. It's a great feeling. It doesn't feel like anything I've had before. I love exploring my body that way. I think it's natural and important to explore your body, especially our new vaginas.

It's just not physical, however. Mentally you feel a lot more freer. I don't know how to explain it, but you really open up in ways you might not of thought you would. It's a great feeling. I know my life has changed a lot since my surgery.

As for boys -- or any relationship, boy or girl -- I find that it's much easier to be around them and totally and freely enjoy the physical aspects of the relationship. I really cherish it, because it's something I never felt before. Previously I was always anxious, and I wouldn't let anyone touch my old-parts. My past relationships suffered a lot because I couldn't give my self completely to my partner (I'm bi). Now, I feel like those walls are torn down and I feel much happier.

I'm very happy with my decision to have SRS. It's improved my quality of life a whole lot. As for sex, sex is part of the human condition. Sex is part of what makes us human. I don't think that there's anything wrong with wanting to have sex with the correct womanly parts that you identify with -- in fact, I think it's healthy.

Wanting to fit your clothing right, and not having to worry about the wrong part between your legs -- that's healthy too. You're a woman and you wanna enjoy that. There's nothing wrong with wanting your body to match who you are, and being able to wear clothing to reflect that is part of it. I think it's awesome that my clothes fit nicely; it helps me to feel more confident as a woman. It's natural and perfectly fine.

So, don't worry. Do what's right for you. Some people might consider sex as taboo -- but, really, when you think about it sex is part of the complex person that makes us who we are. Having sex with the correct parts, definitely makes me feel like a woman and boosts my self-esteem way up. LOL Sex is only part of the whole picture, but all parts help put the whole picture together. 

I finally free, whole, and complete.

To transition you must be prepared to lose everything, not that you necessarily will.

To have SRS you must be prepared to lose orgasmic capability, not that you necessarily will.

I have to agree with Flan and Matilda.  If you are a woman then you would want to get rid of your male genitals and strive for the surgery regardless.  Women do not have penises.  The other stuff may or may not follow there is no guarantee.

There seems to be much doubt in your post and I would strongly recommend therapy.

-={LR}=-

LR, you are preaching to the choir here.  If I had the funds now, I would be on the first plane to Thailand.

I am so ready to have SRS.

Janet

Quote from: rena colleen bender on June 12, 2009, 09:44:57 AM
i grew up in a closed minded texan family that conditioned me to repress my feelings from early on.

I think I can say from personal experience it was probably not just the family but the state in general. I love Texas, but it was really bible beltish for a long time, and still is in many places outside of austin. But then, I'm sure Austin would be rather conservative in any other state...

Quote from: Matilda on June 13, 2009, 06:17:32 AM
I wholeheartedly agree with the therapy thing.  Unfortunately, there are many so called "therapists" out there who need more therapy to deal with their own self-esteem demons than the actual clients they intend to see.  Therefore, finding someone who's competent, experienced, and free of "issues" is very important.


Read between the lines

Everything means Anything.  Anything means Nothing.
Nothing means Something.  Something means Forever.
Forever means together. Together means Hardly ever.
Hardly ever means Never.  Never means it's Possible.
Possibility means potential.  Potential means Beneficial.
Beneficial means Necessity.  Necessity means Basic.
Basic means fundamental.  Fundamental means Equality.
Equality means Whole.  Whole means Me/One.
One means Life.  Life means Youth.  Youth means Air.
Air means Breath.  Breath means Contentment.
Contentment means Enough.
Enough means Enough.

~Tiati Kane~


Always read between the lines.  I DO.  You'd be amazed at what you can discover. 

It prolly would be helpful to be able to read the lines themselves first.

And to do one's best to delete her own prejudices and blind-spots as much as possible.

The substitution of one's own prejudices to discover what others are saying is a common problem among those who think they "read between the lines." They tend to be reading themselves, not those they attempt to read.

Discernment is a skill that takes some self-examination to pull off.

Read between the lines is what people who can't write always say.  It's hard enough to write the lines in a way people will get them, in between them, doubtful.  Years ago now some band, I think Judas Priest perhaps, had to defend themselves in a wrongful death suite when some black-wearing artfart teenturd offed themselves while listening to one of their records.  When asked about 'backwards masking' in their songs one of the band replied - 'its all we can do to get them to work running forward, much less backwards.'

Marines ?!?!   Something about broad shoulders, narrow waist and strong arms just gets my motor running.  Sorry for the highjack , but Matilda brought up Marines. 

Gods I do like guys.   

Janet

I'll tell it to the marines when Matilda lets them get up and go back to base.  They are almost AWOL as it is now. 

This is a subject over which I, myself, have agonised for several months.

I started on this journey, less than 4 years ago, with an occasional evening out as 'her' and absolutely no thought of taking things further. Nine months later, after extensive counselling, I was on prescribed hormones, living dual role but with no intention of transitioning (i.e. going full time). When I transitioned last November, 3 months after undergoing FFS, my therapist asked if I was planning on having SRS. I answered that, apart from making clothes fit better, I couldn't think of a good reason for having it done (yes, I admit I'm shallow and vacuous). Needless to say, I was neither offered, nor sought, nor wanted a referral for surgery on that basis. My SRS is now scheduled with Suporn next year, with those specialists who've been treating my GID over the past 3 years more than willing to refer me. Yes, admittedly, my reasons for proceeding are now more than purely sartorial but, I'd be lying if I said that the decision was 100% straight forward. For me, it wasn't nor would it ever have been, and though if goes without saying that I instinctively believe in what I'm doing, I sometimes do envy those with the perfect self-confidence to pursue their surgical nirvana with what amounts to messianic zeal.