I love my daughter with all my heart.  My daughter has now announced that with effect from her 18th birthday (a few weeks time) she wishes to change her name and be recognised as a male.

Although I will find it hard to refer to her as a male.  I really love her/him.  We have a very close relationship and I will support her/him through everything that this change requires.  However, if I were to be honest, I have absolutely no experience of trans gender/trans-sexualism - which is it?  I don't know!!!

If there is anyone out there that can offer me advice, then I would be so grateful.  Also, if there is anyone out there that has gone through this and would be happy to correspond with me, then I would welcome that with open arms.

Please bear in mind that I love my child and her/his chosen sexuality will make no difference to my absolute love.

Love and the willingness to support him is the best start.

Sarah L.

Welcome Debbie:

Quote from: Debbie on June 18, 2009, 06:39:37 PM
her/his chosen sexuality will make no difference...

Oh, you didn't mention his sexuality. What you did mention was his gender identity.

Fact #1: Sexual orientation and gender identity are separate issues.

Fact #2: Exact terminology is a big hobby with us here.

So, he came out to you at 18? It seems like he's been waiting for this day.
I think your acceptance and the unselfconscious use of he/him/his and his chosen name are the biggest things you can do right now.

We've got an awful lot of transsexual people here and a lot of FTM's (female-to-male transsexuals) that can help.
Parents of transsexuals are in shorter supply.

Good luck, with love anything can work out.

I recommend you check out TransFamily Parents news list.  Many parents of trans youths.  Also check out "Our Trans Children" download at PFLAG's Transgender pages and check the Transyouth Family Allies website.

All can be found in our Youth Links at the Main Page.

Robyn

Hi Debbie!  First of all, even the fact that you are open about this and only want the best for him is very sweet and I'm sure it means a lot to him.  As has been mentioned, gender identity is not the same thing as sexuality- but that is a very common mistake to make, for those not in the LGBT community. Now you know.

There is another mother here of a female-to-male young son, who has posted quite a bit about her son's journey.  You can find her intro post here:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,39340.msg256597.html#msg256597

And then if you click her username, you can read her posts.  If you look through the rest of this SO forum, you'll also find that she's made some topics, just talking about some things her son experienced, how she's been coping with it herself, and even a trip they both made recently to a national convention.  She hasn't been here in a little while, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind hearing from you if you want to chat.

Anyway, I would say right now, calling him by the pronouns he prefers will be a very good indicator to him that you're supportive.  It's okay to slip up once in a while, just by force of habit you're used to saying 'her, she' etc.  But if you make the effort, that's what counts. And then it'll start to form a new habit and before you know it, you'll feel like he was always your son all along.

Welcome to Susan's, I hope you like it here and find it informative and helpful.

Hi Debbie,

This is the biggest thing that you said...

QuotePlease bear in mind that I love my child

That says volumes.  Regardless of his sexuality, his gender is all important now.  Sexuality will come later.

For me, I am straight.  I am a woman and as a woman I love men.  There is just some thing about them that gets my motor running.  In my past life I was all about women, but now I am so into men.........

So based on an informal poll here, I am straight.  And that is totally separate from the fact I am MtF TS.

Congratulations. It's a boy. 

Janet

Welcome, Debbie. Others have given good advice. Love and support are the best things for your son on his journey. We do have a few parents pop in from time to time, and you're certainly welcome to ask any of us for what help and advice we can give.

Dennis

Hi Debbie! As most of the others have said, Loving and supporting your son are the best things that you can do for him at this point in his life. Too bad we can't have more parents like you around...heck, wish my own parents were like you!!! But yeah, love and support...that sums it up!!

I think support and love is huge, and so is the willingness to work on seeing your child as a boy. It can be difficult at first, but gradually it will come naturally. I really commend you for loving and supporting your child right off the bat. Many parents struggle with that for much longer, or don't even offer support.

that is great that you love and support her it took me years to fully except my sister as my brother but now we have never been closer. a few years ago i was at a transgender conference in philidelphia and heard a women speak about getting over yourself and learning to love your relative for who they are not there sex i also purchased her book that day and have read it many times. it was a very helpful tool for me to finally learn to love and except my sister or should i say my brother and now i look at him as always being my brother and i am so happy that i was able to overcome my selfishness and not ruin such a good relationship. the name of the book is my brother beth by rebecca sardella and i recommend it to anyone with relatives that are transitioning or are considering transitioning it it has helped me so much i believe it is on amazon.com i will post a link for it

http://www.amazon.com/My-Brother-Beth-Rebecca-Sardella/dp/0805985522/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1288571005&sr=8-4