What Not To Name Your Dog
Everyone who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy" or some other dog type name. I named mine "Sex".
Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk, "I would like to have a license for Sex". He said, "I'd like to have one, too." Then I said, "No, you don't understand, I've had sex since I was nine years old." He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took my dog with me. I told the motel clerk I wanted a room for my wife and me and a separate room for Sex. He said, "All our rooms are for sex." I said, "No, you don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." He said, "Me, too."
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the contest began, he ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I explained, "my lifelong dream was to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.
I had some guests over for dinner one night. They marveled at how Sex just sat at the edge of the room. "I never have Sex in the dining room while entertaining guests." I told them. "I would hope not," the wife said. I told her, "I could just imagine having Sex in your lap while you are trying to eat." That was the last I ever heard from them.
My wife and I separated. When we went to court, the judge gave my dog to my wife. "Your Honor," I pleaded, "I had Sex long before I was married." He said, "Me, too". Then I told him how after I was married Sex was gone. He said, "Yeah, me, too." "But, your Honor," I explained, "without Sex, my life just won't be the same." "I know what you mean." he said.
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came up to me and asked, "Why are you in an alley at four o'clock in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex!" My case comes up Friday.
