I have always seemed to be very analytical with my transsexualism.  I always seemed to go back and forth between my TSism being real or just something I made up in my head somehow.  I kept trying to find a specific thing which caused me to feel this way.  I did this because it wasn't until I was 15 that I started to have TG feelings.  Before then I was the man and I never thought of being a girl ever.  I started wanting to crossdress.  When crossdressed I didn't really want to put my male clothes back on because that meant I had to back to being a man.  Then I realized that clothes weren't enough and that I had to be a girl.  I named myself Lauren and so forth.  I just never understood how I could go from being a man to being a woman.  Sometimes I still over analyze. 

Many look for the reason why.  But it is as it is. 

Chasing the elusive "Why" will only drive you crazy.  Leads to depression and suicidal thoughts.

I quit chasing it and decided that I am who I am.  And now I am who I am.

Janet

When younger, much younger there were feelings of guilt. Why? After coming to realize it is part of me that will not change life became much more comforting. What I can change are my dress, shoes, bra, etc. Now if I wonder "Why am I wearing this? It's summer I should be wearing my flowered skirt."

Quote from: lauren3332 on June 28, 2009, 04:34:23 PM
I have always seemed to be very analytical with my transsexualism.  I always seemed to go back and forth between my TSism being real or just something I made up in my head somehow.  I kept trying to find a specific thing which caused me to feel this way.  I did this because it wasn't until I was 15 that I started to have TG feelings.  Before then I was the man and I never thought of being a girl ever.  I started wanting to crossdress.  When crossdressed I didn't really want to put my male clothes back on because that meant I had to back to being a man.  Then I realized that clothes weren't enough and that I had to be a girl.  I named myself Lauren and so forth.  I just never understood how I could go from being a man to being a woman.  Sometimes I still over analyze.

I think asking yourself why is healthy.  If you go to a therapist/psychologist expect to be asked such questions anyhow.  Also expect them when you come out to others.  Thinking about those things and coming to resolutions about yourself before being put on the spot only provides more confidence in your replies. 

Just be careful that the answers to your "why's" are not actually conjured themselves merely to provide justification - but are actual answers that make sense to you.  After all, putting your hands over your ears, shutting your ears, and shouting, "La, la la," only works for shutting out others, but eventually, if you have doubts, they will consume you unless they are properly addressed.  Better to deal with them now before making decisions that you will feel the need to explain.

Quote from: lauren3332 on June 28, 2009, 04:34:23 PM
I have always seemed to be very analytical with my transsexualism.  I always seemed to go back and forth between my TSism being real or just something I made up in my head somehow.  I kept trying to find a specific thing which caused me to feel this way.  I did this because it wasn't until I was 15 that I started to have TG feelings.  Before then I was the man and I never thought of being a girl ever.  I started wanting to crossdress.  When crossdressed I didn't really want to put my male clothes back on because that meant I had to back to being a man.  Then I realized that clothes weren't enough and that I had to be a girl.  I named myself Lauren and so forth.  I just never understood how I could go from being a man to being a woman.  Sometimes I still over analyze.

Well your not alone with the over-analysing....and just remember, there are a whole bunch of us here who took more than 40 years to get to the point of starting to over-analyse...



Chrissty

I suppose you could give yourself permission to feel more and think less, though I shudder at giving such advice, as a lot fewer problems are caused by over thinking, rather than under thinking.

It's good to be analytical and self critical in order to progress and move forward.

Quote from: lauren3332 on June 28, 2009, 04:34:23 PM
I have always seemed to be very analytical with my transsexualism.  I always seemed to go back and forth between my TSism being real or just something I made up in my head somehow.  I kept trying to find a specific thing

Lauren, i have to agree with Janet and some others, there is no "why" to the way we feel about ourselves, GIRL IS AS GIRL DOES and that's all there is to it. You've got to either accept that on faith based on ones own sense of predisposition, past experience/behavior and being/doing what feels most natural or not and hope others, the rest of the world can easily see it that way too. When one realizes the many forms that so-called "transition" can take it then becomes more a question of given the hand, the 'look" God has dealt us then what can we do about it, what will make us the most happy, functional members within a society we must otherwise still realize that we can not live or do without.

It can be very sad because like spoiled 'lil children we often want that which we simply are not allowed to have.

The diagnosis 'GID" is supposedly the same for all of us but it is the alledged solution, the actual transition where our unique individuality still comes into play and it is there where many run into problems based on choices that only we must or must not make. They say GID is a "disorder" but it is the only diagnosis I know of where the "patient" themselves must have the largest, most important say in what is ultimately going to be the best "cure".

It's not so much about "reasons" and "conclusions" but rather maintaining self-respect, actions and roles within a society, where indeed will I "look best" and "fit in" (?) something which each and every individual deals with each and every day. Like "God" and "Creation" once outside the framework of "society" I seriously doubt "GID" even exists!

I think I understand, Lauren.  Sometimes I think this is all a bit crazy.  The world tells us there are men and there are women and that is the end of it.  But our hearts tell us that isn't the end of it.  Logic tells us that if all the world is crazy and we are the only sane person, perhaps we aren't looking at it right.  And that's why therapy is so helpful - a reality check.

There are a lot of theories as to why, but so far no one knows.  We were born into bodies that don't fit who we are.  We have the opportunity to change our bodies - or at least our presentation to the world - to fit better into society.  We can be far more productive members of society if we can be who we really are.

Self analysis can be helpful - even necessary - to making progress.  But it can lead to some pretty swampy areas and even conclusions that are invalid.  That's why we need to keep talking to each other and to our therapists - to keep our self analysis on track.

*hugs*
Kate

I consider myself about 70% logical and 30% emotional and near 100% rational.
I do believe that there is a why.
There is reason to believe that the why is genetic and a matter of your brain not being wired right for your body, and since the brain is far more delicate and thus not available for complete rewiring, it is logical and rational to seek to rewire the body.
That's how I see it.

It will always be impossible to conclusively, to a 100%, prove that that's what it is, but there is no way to really conclusively 100% proove anything. Which is why the why shouldn't matter the most. Having a theory that works for you helps and is a positive thing, obsessing about finding one is not.
If you can't make it make sense, just stop trying for a while.
Like with a puzzle, when you're stuck, you walk away for a while. Some time later, when you go back to it, a whole bunch of pieces fit that you didn't see before cause you were trying to hard

Quote from: Miniar on July 03, 2009, 08:26:41 AMI do believe that there is a why.

Sure there's a "why" but it is equivalent to God's "purpose", something which we are not always made to fully understand. 

Quote from: Kiera on July 03, 2009, 08:44:48 AM
Sure there's a "why" but it is equivalent to God's "purpose", something which we are not always made to fully understand. 

That argument isn't relevant when talking to people that may not even believe in god.
What I'm saying that there's always a cause.
I personally do not believe that there's ever a "reason", but there's always a cause. And in understanding the causality that affects us directly can make it easier to comprehend and deal with our own situation.

Quote from: Miniar on July 03, 2009, 08:49:35 AM
That argument isn't relevant when talking to people that may not even believe in god.

  If that is the case then I would argue that you and your argument is wholly irrelevant too because by setting yourself up as judge and jury and not recognizing any authority greater and outside of yourself you are deliberately limiting yourself & argument and any attempts at "conclusions" are condemned to failure before you even start.

Quote from: Kiera on July 03, 2009, 09:24:49 AM
    If that is the case then I would argue that you and your argument is wholly irrelevant too because by setting yourself up as judge and jury and not recognizing any authority greater and outside of yourself you are deliberately limiting yourself & argument and any attempts at "conclusions" are condemned to failure before you even start.

My argument may be irrelevant to a person who fervently believes in a god. Which means, we disagree. That doesn't remove from the validity of my point not the factual evidence and reasoning upon which it's based.
Just like god is not relevant to me, my point may not be relevant to you, that doesn't mean that either point is completely without merit, just not relevant to the respective audiences.