I apologise if you are not supposd to do this but I hav posted this question on both the FTM board and here.
I am curious.  What is your experience with the gay male community with regards to finding a partner (even just a sexual partner)? 
I would really like to hear from both MTF's and FTM's on this one.
I am mostly attracted to men and although orientation doesn't matter to me when it comes to attraction one can't escape the fact that when i have transitioned I am going to be perceived as a dude. And dudes that are attractd to duds are going to be mostly gay right?
It's difficult for me to have a frame of reference for this at the moment as i have only been on T 4 months and I don't pass all the time.  People usually just assume that I am a butch lesbian.  This will obviously change as I progress further in my transition.  So I would appreciate any input on this.

Interesting question. I can't really say from a real gay mans perspective but if I were to put myself into a gay mind set (I do like men) I think I could be ok with a MtF. Admittedly I have a more submissive personality so I would rather be the receiver if you catch my meaning. However  I do have several gay friends and their preferences vary. Some like the more dominate roll so they are not as concerned with being penetrated. So I would think they could be ok with a FtM as long as the body type and appearance matched their attractions.

For the more submissive roll orientated gay men, being penetrated is quite important so depending on how you like to interact in that matter may prove complicated. I myself don't mind strap on play. for me its  more about looks and personality then body parts.

Next time I hang out with my gay friends I'll put the question out there and let you know how they respond.           

Quote from: milliontoone on July 02, 2009, 09:59:07 AMI am curious.  What is your experience with the gay male community with regards to finding a partner (even just a sexual partner)? 

Based on past experiences, some romances broken and others not even attempted, most gay males are not happy with MtF but then again,

I'll let ya know what happens this time as I've been trying for the last 3 weeks now (saw only briefly) to catch up with an "old friend", somebody I haven't seen in a long, long time!

"What's with the long hair?"

thanks guys, and Cami I would be interested to hear what your friends have to say.

The gay guys I've talked to would rather prefer bio-guys. And they're kind of jerkwads the way they say it too

Perhaps it makes a difference as to whether the gay guy in question is top, bottom or versatile.  Sexual function is likely to be a major factor.

I wonder if the reverse is true... once I transition and pursue relationships with women, would lesbians see a MtF as someone equal to a GG? I get the sense that they wouldnt...

I'm friends with a gay guy who says he does feel attraction to transguys, because they're still masculine and he likes masculinity.  He's told me he finds the concept of dating a transguy 'intriguing' and wouldn't at all mind giving it at least a chance, if it was the right guy.

Well, I'm not gay so I can't really answer it from a relationship aspect, but to either FTM or MTF I've found a lot of them to be quick to put them down. I think a lot of them wouldn't say the things they do if I spoke up, though.

I asked this question on a gay networking site once.  Perhaps I could find the link if you wanted it (edit: to the question itself, not the site).  It was to everyone about dating transpeople, but only gay men replied so I guess it only applies to FtMs.  Very few said they'd consider dating a transguy.  A few said they didn't think so but maybe if they really like the person.  Most said they could respect others' decisions but it just wasn't for them.  There were a couple in the essence of "Hell no".

It was somewhat disappointing, but whatever.  I guess I figure if I end up single (as I started dating someone during my transition that was fine with it), I'm better off a single FtM than a very unhappy woman that's probably too dissatisfied with life to get along with anyone.  I tried that already.

A big huge part of what a lot of gay guys want is not being provided in that kind of relationship.  I've seen FtMs tolerated, kinda like kid brothers, in the SF community, but when it comes to pairing up they seem left out for the most part.

The few Gay/bi transmen I know in RL (and this is in New Zealand of all places) don't seem to have too much trouble hooking up with other bio-men. XD One in particular, who's talked to me more about it says its quite interesting seeing a guys reaction when he finds out that 'he's' trans. Usually he just says "here, have another drink... and we can just chat for a bit, and you can think about it." and then its dandy after that!

So from what I can tell, its mostly about confidence.

Quote from: kestin on July 06, 2009, 05:21:29 PM
One in particular, who's talked to me more about it says its quite interesting seeing a guys reaction when he finds out that 'he's' trans. Usually he just says "here, have another drink... and we can just chat for a bit, and you can think about it." and then its dandy after that!

So from what I can tell, its mostly about confidence.

I HAVE to remember that one.

Quote from: kestin on July 06, 2009, 05:21:29 PM
The few Gay/bi transmen I know in RL (and this is in New Zealand of all places) don't seem to have too much trouble hooking up with other bio-men. XD One in particular, who's talked to me more about it says its quite interesting seeing a guys reaction when he finds out that 'he's' trans. Usually he just says "here, have another drink... and we can just chat for a bit, and you can think about it." and then its dandy after that!

So from what I can tell, its mostly about confidence.

Oh lord, if only it were that easy the other way around, hahah.

I think finewine is correct. Honestly, being sexually compatible with your partner is as important as being personality and cosmetically compatible. A size queen bottom is probably not going to be happy with the hardware a FTM packs, but then he'd probably also find an excuse out of a biological male who's underprivileged. If your partner doesn't actually like large penises, or prefers something besides penetration, if they're a top, or any variety of things, you can probably make it work.

The thing is that you don't really know until you try, or meet the right person. I mean, everyone 'thinks' one thing, but what actually happens when it presents itself is another. Be confident if you can.

Also recognize that even if 'well you're trans' seems to be the prominent reason, there's any number of other reasons that make pairings fail.

Quote from: tekla on July 06, 2009, 04:09:50 PMA big huge part of what a lot of gay guys want is not being provided in that kind of relationship. 

lol Am I kidding myself too? My "guy", while originally and loyally "east coast" spends a lot of time in Frisco, I hope what you say turns out to be not totally "hardwired" and true!

I used to have an ad on Craig's List and another dating site which clearly said I was looking for a woman.  Pretty much the only ones to contact me besides the spammers were guys.

Then again, on another site with forums, a transguy asked the ladies if they would ever consider dating a transguy, and he spelled it out: born in a female body but male, had surgery to become male, and I'd say more than half of the responses implied the answerer was thinking mtf not ftm.

So who knows if the guys who contacted me even knew what a transguy was?


Jay