I started my RLT about 5 weeks ago and am mostly done with many of the major milestones.  Many people may think at this point, the next step would be SRS.  For me, nope.  My next step now that I am successfully able to acclimate into society for the most part is to work on improving myself.  That is, change things about myself that may not be appropriate for a female and undesirable in general.  I have been striving to be a less selfish person and give more to the community.  This whole thing isn't a competition about who is the better person, but a cooperation to help each other out.  From time to time as I think of stuff, I will try and make contributions that I think can be helpful to either the transgendered or even the gay community.  As mental transition is never truly over - especially for us late starters in the women's community - I feel this really is necessary to help me transition even further.

Some people may disagree with me about this being a necessary step and that I should just be who I am, but it's not about acting different than who I am, it's about improving myself, so I can still be who I am, but be a better person.  I was not brought up as a woman and my mom certainly doesn't want to mother me as a daughter, so it is really up to me to find my way back onto the correct path.  Other things I want to do are to be able to show more caring and compassion towards other people and help those who may be struggling more than myself.  It really is the next step in my transition.

Melissa

Quote from: Melissa on August 16, 2006, 03:20:48 PMOther things I want to do are to be able to show more caring and compassion towards other people and help those who may be struggling more than myself.  It really is the next step in my transition.

Melissa

Whether you know it or not, Melissa, you're already there. I know how much you have helped me during this difficult period in my life.

Life is a progression of putting one foot in front of the other and taking the next step.

You are doing that Melissa, by living your life as it was supposed to be, and being a good person at the same time.

Sarah L.

Melissa,
   You are doing a fantastic job at helping others out here on Susan's. I would think that you need to try and be a little selfish and think more about your children. Get more involved with them, the GLBT will always be here, your children won't. Just my opinion and I wish that I had transitioned at your age with my children. It would have made a big difference in all of our lives.
Love Sheila

Melissa,

I have to agree with everyone who has posted before me.  Your caring and compassion shines like a beacon in the night.

For what its worth, I think your approach about working on yourself before SRS seems quite reasonable.

Chaunte

Quote from: Melissa on August 16, 2006, 03:20:48 PM
I started my RLT about 5 weeks ago and am mostly done with many of the major milestones.  Many people may think at this point, the next step would be SRS.  For me, nope.  My next step now that I am successfully able to acclimate into society for the most part is to work on improving myself.  That is, change things about myself that may not be appropriate for a female and undesirable in general.  I have been striving to be a less selfish person and give more to the community.  This whole thing isn't a competition about who is the better person, but a cooperation to help each other out.  From time to time as I think of stuff, I will try and make contributions that I think can be helpful to either the transgendered or even the gay community.  As mental transition is never truly over - especially for us late starters in the women's community - I feel this really is necessary to help me transition even further.

Some people may disagree with me about this being a necessary step and that I should just be who I am, but it's not about acting different than who I am, it's about improving myself, so I can still be who I am, but be a better person.  I was not brought up as a woman and my mom certainly doesn't want to mother me as a daughter, so it is really up to me to find my way back onto the correct path.  Other things I want to do are to be able to show more caring and compassion towards other people and help those who may be struggling more than myself.  It really is the next step in my transition.

Melissa

Hey there Melissa.

One thing you might consider is to do volunteer work.  It can be very rewarding, it builds character, and often puts our own life issues into perspective.  I volunteer where I can, take last Sunday, I volunteered to do a shift in  the hospitality tent at the local town fair.  Not very hard but it exposed me to many different people from country red necks to conservative church goers, and everyone in between.  It was great fun interacting with complete strangers I had a great time and I felt good that I helped out.

Also there is "Martha's Table" a soup kitchen in the city, volunteering in these venues can be really rewarding and you help out those who are not as fortunate as we are.  Simple stuff to be sure but it sure puts your life into perspective.

Steph

Hi Melissa....

Yeah you are doing a great job Honey.

As Steph said Volunteer work is a good start. I taught Computer skills to disabled adults for 6 months and also did some volunteer work clearing some blocked streams and ponds as a part of an environmental project during transition.

I also now coach a girls (11-13 yo) Softball team, which is great fun and I like being called "Miss Becky" by the girls. Not only do we practice and play, but have social events (ten pin bowling, picnics, desert camp outs etc)... I actually learn a lot from the girls!

Please note that for some volunteer jobs.... you may have to undergo a police check, I did for all the above, the Little League even contacted the UK to ensure I wasn't a sex offender.

Buffy

Melissa,

Quote from: Melissa

My next step now that I am successfully able to acclimate into society for the most part is to work on improving myself.  That is, change things about myself that may not be appropriate for a female and undesirable in general.

I do not beleive in trying to become a stereotypical woman. It always gets back to "who's to say?".  Appropriate for a female, according to whom?  Undesirable in general, according to whom?

I don't beleive it's about trying to become something. I just want to be the person I have always beleived I am.   I hate being told how I should act, whether it's because someone is telling me to act like a man or a woman.  I just want to be me, not what others think I should be.

I am all for wanting to be more and to giving back to your community, just do it the way Melissa would.

Love always,
Elizabeth

:
Thanks for your kind words.  You're always a sweetie.

Sarah Louise:
Thank you.

Sheila:
Yep, I've already been spending lots of time with the kids.  I've really improved since before transition.

Chaunte:
Thank you.  I sure hope so, it just seems logical.

Steph:
Great idea with Volunteering.  Yesterday, I actually volunteered to help out on Friday with an activity for a women's group I'm a part of.  I know it's small, but I have to start somewhere.

Buffy:
Thanks Buffy.  That's a good point about a police check.  Since I'm not a criminal, it shouldn't be a big deal. But I personally know that the police are fine with transsexuals in this area.   Don't ask.

Elizabeth:
I told you some people may disagree. Like I said, it's about improving myself.  I already am the person I believed myself to be, so that part is done.  How do I expect to be accepted by other women if I'm living in my own little world?  Simple, I don't.  As far as I know, I already am accepted by other women and I'm learning the ways of womanhood already and it has made me realize that there is further development still to do.  Don't worry, I'm a fast learner. I always have been.  Now, I'm not trying to become a stereotypical woman, but to fall within the acceptable social graces of women.  I believe I have already come a long way as I instinctually knew a lot of what I needed to do and worked towards that from the very onset, but all the stuff I have learned that was not instinctual has to be worked on to be obtained.  Remember, we should all strive for personal growth regardless of gender.

Melissa

Good for you Melissa.  You are certainly wise for pursuing this train of thought. Socialization skills is something that many of us fail to do.

I totally concur with the volunteering thing.  I find it a necessity in my life.  I've done natrualist programs in the state park system. I did trail work, mushroom presentations, wildlife walks, and campfire programs.  For a few years, I organized food drives for the local food bank.  I'm always doing soome volunteer activity for the local arts council and SPCA.  And I always help out with the big astronomy events.

The thing about doing volunteer work is that you have the chance to do real socialization. A group of Volunteers are more equal than a group of people in a work invironment. And you'll likely meet other people who share similar interests.  I've developed lifelong friends from my volunteer work.

I hate to look at it from this selfish perspective, but volunteer work has provided many more benefits than the time I've spent doing it.  My life is so much richer because of it.

Cindi

Melissa, let me put my 2 cents worth in on this. I have been voluteering since I retired and came out, which has been 4 years now. Like what Steph said that she had worked in booths, I have done that with many organizations and to meet people who you probably wouldn't meet is amazing. You will also get to know the real you. You are a very lovely lady and very talented too.
Sheila