While I myself am not transsexual, my girlfriend is. I have no problem with it, I just need some help.
HOW CAN I HELP HER?
I care about her deeply. We've been through ups and downs and always made it through. But recently she embraced the realization that she wanted to be a man and always has wanted this. (From now on in my story I shall refer to him as a he.)
He wants this VERY, VERY bad, but his parents don't quite get it and wont buy him things like under armor. He gets very depressed about this, and I feel so useless and helpless because I don't know how to help him.
Can anyone give me advice? It's getting to the point where words are useless. Can anyone at least try to help me understand his point of view?
I'm sorry if this is off-topic or I sound insulting or uninformed, but I need some help.
Thank you.

It sounds like you're already being supportive with the pronoun bit, if he's decided on a name, use it.  Might be useful to help him identify trans resources in your area (support groups, therapist, doctors, etc) so that he can find others to relate to.  Show him this site, too, unless you'd prefer to keep this as 'your space' (which is completely understandable).

Thanks.
He goes by Max, which is what we call him. And he has a therapist... though she never helps and he's always afraid to tell everything to her. And as for the support groups... He went once, but then his parents refused to let him go any longer. >:[

How old is this young lad?  can he get himself to the internet unrestricted?  it's hardly the same, but it can fill the void 'til he's out from under his parents thumb. as for the IRL therapist, if she's not responsive, he needs to move on to someone helpful.

Presumably if Max's parents can stop him attending, then he is still a dependent/below 18?

Unfortunately, his parents may well be in denial about this - possibly due to a lack of understanding.  Perhaps finding a therapist who understands gender dysphoria and getting the therapists help to explain to the parents will be a way forward.  Unless Max can function independently from his parents, there's little option.

Even if/when he is independent, he still needs to be prepared for the risk that friends and family just cannot, and will not, accept his transition.  Your love and support will be precious during the inevitable trials to come...and that's how you can help.

We're both 15. I know it's young but I think we still get a say.
And yes, I'm going to send him links to these forums. I think they'll help.

there's also a bunch of groups on both livejournal and myspace if coming to this site causes strife with his folks.

I don't think they'll be bothered.
His Dad is messed up already. He's sick half the time and he has Gulf War Syndrom. His Mom tries to help... But she's often overruled by his Dad. He's come out to his parents, and it's not like they hate him for it, it's just that they avoid it & don't do much to help him. Honestly my Mom is more accepting of him then his Mom.
I hate how parents should get to judge and put down their own flesh & blood.
X.X

It sounds like his folks have a lot going on.  No excuse, but it sounds like they're spread a bit thin as it is.  And fifteen's a hard time to come out with all this- there are a lot of people who don't understand until they see a physical change.  at fifteen, that's going to take at least a couple more years to begin, so it can be viewed just as plausibly as "Mom, Dad, I'm a giraffe."

Haha, yes, I understand.
And I'm not blaming his folks or anything, I just think they should understand more.
And I just want to accept him and try to understand him, but It can be hard for me. I'm trying to be more accepting, expecially because I don't want to let him go. It looks like I should show him these websites and such. The sooner he's more comfortable in his own skin, the sooner I'll be in mine. :]

Quote from: Catrien on July 08, 2009, 01:26:03 AM
... he has a therapist... though she never helps and he's always afraid to tell everything to her.

Um, don't you see the connection?
A therapist really can't help until you open up to her.

What Renate just said.  Therapists aren't mind readers.  They can only help if you are honest and open with them.

Depending on where you live, many places have LGBT support groups for teenagers.  See if you can find one close enough to be able to get to.

Max's parents probably aren't going to be supportive for now.  It sounds like their plates are full already and don't need another problem.  That may help Max indirectly in that they might not interfere - they just won't be able to help.

The teenage years are full of angst (if I remember correctly - it's been a long time).  Be supportive of each other.  Try to work on things that will help when Max can live on his own.  Both of you try not to obsess about his gender issues, if possible, but do what you can to build a solid foundation for dealing with it when you are able.  Be kind to each other.

*hugs*
Kate

Yes, a therapist is not a mind reader but if you get negative feedback in the way of verbal or non-verbal communication then it is a natural reaction to start walling yourself off. Why go through the trouble of having yet someone else not take you seriously? The one I was sent to for my second letter was a complete git and I eventually got to the point where I was doing stuff just to watch him squirm (recommended activity).

Good luck to Max. 15 is a tough age, especially when announcing major life decisions. Most will shrug it off as a phase or whatever. He still can build his support network and that will help with things. Worst case scenario is that he bides his time until considered an adult and then strikes out on his own path.