Thats Grate Chaunte !
Yes I have seen Dark chrystle a few times, I thought it very good !
...
the Older I get, the More important small details of my life become.
Fighting among my mind was a bother but not unsurmountable, i pushed it aside
and forged onward... never realiseing how important it was to accept that other part of me... when I realised I had done this to myself I was preplexed !
I thought well, now how do i undo what i have so badly messed up ?
lickily I was reading Dianetics at the time and he laid it out step by step for me .... and I never missed a beat... I took him at his word and trusted him with blind fathe something I would never do under any curcumstances! but I realised how messed up I was then... With man made religon swirling arround in my head, terror of crouds, truble getting along at work,raising a Kid "Properly" and all kinds of stuff I had serious problems inside.
it was desperation that made me turn to that book... and desperation that actually saved my bottom ! I studied the book from cover to cover and even ordered all his other books, another thing I would never have done.
and it still took a while , but the pieces started falling togather.
more and more I became ME...a complete person... still messed up but at least I was at peace within myself. ITs actually Working I thought because the war is gone.... well, if that works then what about these other things !!!!!
and I dove into them, and uncovered a can of worms that scared me whitless !
bringing back the original fear of being lost in a christmass croud on christmass eve in an L.A. department store.... I wasn't ready for that !
but it came anyway... the whole experience replayed through my mind down to the tinyiest details... running scared, hands reaching out to grab me , nothing but legs as far as I could see... I was terrorified !
then the memory was through... and it hit me .... THATS IT ! My fear of crouds ! ....because the same terror would well up inside me when in a croud and if I didn't get out of the croud I would explode.... I shook like a leaf
and sweated profusely... it was serious !....
then about a weak later we went to the maul in Reno and it was near christmass time ands shoppers were thick as barn flys ....
the terror started to well up inside me as it alwayse had done before... but it was diferent.... less potent... the fire was out of it... though it was still uncumfortable it wasn't life threatoning to bystanders <grin>
I endured it... we did our shopping and we talked about it on the way home
and the wife was supprized that i did so well in such a croud... I thought it odd because I didn't think I did so good... but i took her compliments to hart and left it at that.... following the instructions in the book I dug up that terrable memory time and time again untill i could think of it whithout
being full of fear. it was about a month later we went into town again and was in a very crouded store and it dawned on me that I was not afrade... I was anoid.... there is a big diference! I wasn't ready to kill someone that looked at me crosseyed .... I was just trying to get through the mass of bodies.... I burst out laughing it was so comical to me and I had to explain to the wife why I was in histerics ! I explained and a fella standing next to me patted me on the shoulder and gave me the biggest smile as if to say "been there Done dat" and walked off. I was so releaved to be rid of that fear and anger that had been ruening my life and was just getting stronger as I grew older that I was almost in tears.
That is how I got rid of one of my problems.... although to this day if i suddenly find myself in a thick croud I have to get ahold of myself... so it does haing with you to some extent... but its almost laughable in compairison to what it was.
the very interesting part of this was in the beginning I had no idea what it was that bothered me about crouds.... I couldn't see the memory... it was sealed off from my consusness, I had no idea why I hated crouds I just thought it was a Parainoid thing.... don't want to get trampled or something
... Not untill I surched many hours over a few days did the memory becomed freed up so i could experience it once again in its full terror ! when it did I was realy shocked... I went to bed and woke up the wife and told her about it at 3:00am and I couldn't sleep for hours still rambleing on while she had long sense fallen back to sleep. hehehehhee
....
Strong emotions can lock a menory away from you so you cannot see it but it will still effect you just the same.... More so even, because you have no idea where it is comeing from .
Strong emotions can be Anger, fear, Love ,Sense of loss... Pain, pleasure... you name it... if its strong it can hide an event from you... and mess you up badly...
and you want some more good news ? they don't even have to be that strong
it depends upon you ! every person is diferent in that.
So no doubt everyone has these Anomalies in their minds that we pave over and around with our daily lives... so if you find yourselve doing something you don't like pay attention.... you may have one too !
hope this helps
Bob.......
Posted at: August 19, 2006, 02:15:19 AM
Also Dianetics by L.Ron.Hubbard made a statement that i memorized many years ago... it went something like this...
" A man gets hit on the head with a hammer" later he goes into a hardware store... he is nervice...he doesn't know why he just is , he goes to the hammer isl and is so nervice he panics and runs out of the store"
this is the senerio that we all play out with minor changes
to this day... its a family joke to say "a Man gets hit in the head with a hammer... and we all say in unison "and he doesn't know WHY !" hehehehe
so you'll excuse the pun if I say it made an IMPACT on me ! HAHAHAHAHAHA
<HUG>
Bob.......