Kate,

DITTO

Except for the part about your wife trying to work through things (where my spouse did not), I could say that this story is mine.  It's amazing how this all works.  Oh yea.. we sit around and convince each other to do this terrible thing.  Amazing.

Cindi

Quote from: Jillieann on August 17, 2006, 10:24:49 PM
Alice,
I'm going to try to share some of my thought on what I have gone and still am going through.
I hated the male personality and want to destroy (kill) it anyway I could. I knew that the he wasn't real just something I made up. I felt that he had locked me (Jillieann) in a prison for years and I eventually just forced myself out. This was my thinking when I was at war with myself and I hated him for what he had done to me and all the wasted years.
But that is not the real story. It's just how I felt.

Jillieann.

It is interesting you should say that. At the moment there is a big battle between my male and female side. At the moment I still like my male side and do not wish it to die (yes I have contantly said I do not want to transistion). So given that I need to find a balance that works for me. I want to continue with this body and enjoy things such as my triathlon (something that would be hard to do is I transistion). I think we have all experienced a change in personallity once our female side grows. For myself if there was a way out I would take that now and be a happy guy.

Alice

Quote from: Kate on August 17, 2006, 11:25:01 PM
I can't exactly claim the male side was an act or fake persona. I did what I did because I enjoyed it, not simply because I felt I "should" as a male. But it always kinda felt like I was a girl playing in a man's world, raiding his forbidden toybox while trying to fit in as best I could.

And yet... I dunno, I now wonder who "he" is or was too sometimes. I seem to have lost interest in so many of the old things, from programming right through to women (as sexual beings). I don't see things the way I used to, and that's kinda sad in a way. I'm kinda floundering in-between... where the old indulgences lost their meaning, yet the new ones haven't quite taken root yet.

I have to agree with that.  If I were asked something like that at this point in my life, I would say something like: Because I was having to live as a male, I tried to only exercise the masculine side of my personality.  I had to suppress the feminine side.  However, once I came out, the female side became very strong, mainly because it had been stifled all of those years, but after a little time, it balanced out again and I regained interest in some of my former interests.

Melissa

Split personality........ hmmmmmmmm......

My guy side is a creation of my own imagination.... hes everything I was expected to be and more... and in some ways less.....  as I said hes dead now replaced with more of a  "work mode"

He was compasionate, though unsure of himself, he was stronger in charactor than anyone I had ever met... he worked hard and played harder and never stood by watching when there was doing to be done....  hey wait..... thats me LoL

My guy side was a mask I used to protect myself from the world... a way to shield myself from reality and I did some pretty dispicable things when I was in denial  *shrugs*  Hes kinda fadeing away now.... Allot of "his" interests have dissapeared sence Ive come to acceptance....  I dont watch as much TV as I used to just out of prefrence.... and I lost allmost all interest in video games. The drug and alchahol habbits whent too.  I'll still have a few drinks but I actualy go out of my way to not get trached anymore...  I dont understand how I ever liked doing that.  *shrugs again*

Acceptance is a strange thing and for a while I wondered if I might have a split personality too... then I realized I was just cracked and needed some glue    LoL

*Hugs*

I wrote a short piece about my "personalities".  It is available at here at Susans:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,5619.0.html

Let me know if this strikes a nail.

Cindi