hi!

When I decided to change my life, i knew, that a lot will change and many people cant deal with it.

Now, as have been living as kerstin for 8 months (since FFS) MOST of my very few so called "real friends" keep me away from their life. suddenly my emails/sms are not answered, I'm not invited to any party etc and I feel, they dont want to be seen with me in front of their friends (although my passing is 100%!)(Well most of my old friends are very snobish, rich and reputation is very important)

and, i think, they cant deal with a "happy, open minded, now funloving" kerstin. the years before FFS I was depressed, i had no free will, I TOTALLY concentrated on FFS, going fulltime, telling my parents etc. Now i can say "NO", now I say my OWN opinion as I dont have to concentrate on ffs etc I "can use much more of my brain than I ever did before"

its a hard lesson as they first said "yes ok you are my friend" and now, these words are worthless.

Anyone else has these experience?

yours kerstin

PS really glad I found that forum because i really feel free to talk about my problems and to share them with others
PPS: sorry for my english I have to translate all my fuzzy thoughts into english *G

Losing friends, not loosing.

I think maybe you are a new person and they don't know you anymore??

Go make new friends as your new self.

Matilda and Lori are both right. Friends that cannot accept you for your true self are not really friends to begin with, just selfish people who want something from you they can evidently no longer get. You're better off without such people.

whoops! ok not loosing sorry! I always mixed it up *G (that cant be changed afterwards right?)

I know that they arent my true friends but i dont understand why some seemed to prefer my depressed old self than my new happy one now!

they didn't prefer you, they prefered the image.

yes .( I was just very very disappointed as i didnt expect it from them.

well but new friends will come after srs I want to change my job, start a new life, so 2010 it will hopefully start! (after 4 years of transition)

It's a tragic but common consequence, probably rooted in a combination of one or more factors...

1. Transphobia. They're uncomfortable in the company of someone in transition.
2. Homophobia. Because most folks who don't know any better think gender identity
    and sexual orientation are the same (i.e trans = gay).
3. Embarrassment by proxy / gay by association.  The irrational assumption that they
   will be considered gay, trans, abnormal by third parties because of their association
   with you.

I was good friends with a guy who happened to be gay.  He was a house mate with my
then-wife and I.  We actually had female co-workers tell my ex-wife "watch out, he's
probably gay too because he's friendly with that guy".  The sheer stupidity of thinking
that homosexuality is contagious beggars belief but sadly there's no shortage of
stupidity in the world.

Hi Kerstin,

Maybe they could deal with the depressed person because they could manipulate her. Now you are a strong young, and very attractive, woman in her own right they can't deal with that.

But as the others have said, you have not lost a single friend. Friends stand up for each other. Friends take the ups and downs.

I came out to a very macho friend on the phone several months back. He lives, with his family interstate. I felt such a fool. I had had a few drinks .

He flew over the following weekend and took me out for dinner. He insisted I presented as Cindy. I was SO nervous. He was a total gentleman. He is a friend. I know you will find true friends as well.

Love and Hugs

Cindy

I have lost friends for a variety of reasons over the years, the fewest to transition. While others may say that these people were never really worth the time, one was like a brother to me and he is the only one that I actually miss. I have contacted him every so often through the years but have never received a reply.

However, I do have a number of friends who never knew me from before.

Major changes often change other things.  Despite the entire BFF deal, studies seem to indicate that people (all persons, not just trans persons) rotate through sets of friends every 7-8 years or so on the average.  While the changes may have seemed subtle (and at a glacier's pace) - almost unnoticeable - to you, to others it was just too much, too far, too fact and not in a direction they wanted to go in. 

Quote from: LordKAT on July 11, 2009, 01:16:49 AM
they didn't prefer you, they prefered the image.

QFT

hi!
@cindy: a classmate, we never talked abouth something serious, and we didnt have so much in common, but when he saw me as kerstin, I had one of the best talks in my life! I really enjoyed it because he seemed to be "far away" from me, another society etc, but well! I was so happy he just accepted me! but thats not the rule

well, when i was depressed i didnt have a "own opinion" and they played with me! perhaps they didnt notice it but now they know/realize " that time is over"

well I know the reasons why people will never accept me, but I was really disappointed ... so most of my social contacts are lost. after srs (i need it to change my name and gender in my passport), I want to start in a new job, leave my past behind me and want to start a new life in society. Not being the "->-bleeped-<- in the company" anymore. I just feel a diffrence how people treat me at work (not bad!) and how people who dont know my past. there is a huge diffrence and thats why I have to "restart" life
My time will come very soon!