Just I write in my own Bio. In it also about the physical and sexual violence of my "father" against me. Therefore the following questions to you:

1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?

2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?

3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?

4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?

5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners?


I think, your answers can help me to fill the empty gaps in my memory.

What about those of us who had those things happen to us, and didn't mind it all that much?

Its a given that all such actions are bad, and all such persons were victims.  I just don't think that's the entire deal.

Quote from: tekla on July 09, 2009, 09:13:17 PM
What about those of us who had those things happen to us, and didn't mind it all that much?

That sounds like an elaborate coping strategy to me.

I don't think so.  We assume that in all cases, all such behavior negatively affects all children so involved.  Somehow, though I'm sure its wrong in most cases, like algebra - which most people don't' get given a lifetime - for some people it comes very easy at a very early age.

1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually? I was sexually, physically and emotionally ill-treated.

2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors? Family. Father, Step Mom and cousin.

3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally? both

4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally? I can open up once I trust them.  I don't trust most people though. It took a lot of years to be open.

5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners? I don't know.

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Post Merge: July 10, 2009, 05:58:51 AM

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Quote from: tekla on July 09, 2009, 11:41:25 PM
I don't think so.  We assume that in all cases, all such behavior negatively affects all children so involved.  Somehow, though I'm sure its wrong in most cases, like algebra - which most people don't' get given a lifetime - for some people it comes very easy at a very early age.

How could all such behavior positively effect any children?

All good questions, and my answers to those questions is this:
Abused Mentally and Physically, mostly by my father, I don't hate him for this I just GREATLY Dislike him, keeping in mind that he himself was abused by his own father. But aside from that I really can't remember much about my childhood, it's all just foggy

Hi,
   I suffered abuse in childhood as I had been a feminine child and they only found out after many months that I was not 'the girl' they thought me as and  others found it 'gratified' them. I still have flashbacks and nightmares.

1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
- I was.

2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
- I was bullied severely by my peers from age 7 to 16. (physical and emotional abuse)
- I was sexually taken advantage of by a friend of the family when I was 12.
- I've also been emotionally abused by my exes as a young adult and adult in general.

3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
- A little from column A, a little from column B.

4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
- Well.. I'd be lying if I tried to say I don't have any trust or control issues.

5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners?
- I've no idea what you mean by that question actually...

I was physically and emotionally mistreated (beaten, yelled at, cussed at, talked down to) by my mother until I was almost 10. It resulted in some deep seated emotional and trust issues, and it could be part of the reason I now have a mood disorder. I know I have avoided pursuing potential partners who have similar physical attributes to hers.

The abuse I went through held me back from transitioning sooner. I looked up to my Dad and wanted to be like him, not like the ogre who was always yelling and brandishing a stick or belt.

Dee_pntx I can very much relate to your experiences concerning your family. 

1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
All of the above.

2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
Both family and strangers.

3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
Very much to both.

4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
It takes me a while to trust someone, a much longer while to trust someone completely. Certain people are easy to open up to and sometimes it requires trusting the person completely. I had no trouble spilling my guts to my therapist when I first met her, but I was determined that she understand me so as to give me the best treatment and she already came highly recommended.

5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners?
Being severely abused as I was as a child influences every single thing you do for the rest of your life. The only way I have figured how to cope with the abuse and stop the nightmares is to forgive the abusers, at least the one(s) from my family. And not just to say it but actually do it. This is not an easy thing, but for me was essential to getting on with my life. I got to the point I couldn't sleep at night due to the anger issues the abuse created in my life- I would wake up in a cold sweat screaming curses at my abusers many years after.

Quote from: tekla on July 09, 2009, 09:13:17 PM
What about those of us who had those things happen to us, and didn't mind it all that much?

If you didn't mind it all that much, then would it qualify as ill treatment in the first place? I guess it all depends on your own perceptions of the event.

If you didn't mind it all that much, then would it qualify as ill treatment in the first place? I guess it all depends on your own perceptions of the event.

I think that is correct.  Though I'm sure some of it broke some rather major laws that tend to set the age requirement for a lot of experiences at a level that seems to be almost puritanically high.

1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually? emotionally

2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors? i had a domineering mother and a weak father

3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally? again, emotionally

4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally? my mother did everything she could to wreck my marriage, and almost succeeded. I finally figured it out and told her to step off. Today i have severe trust issues, and I don't open myself up to anyone (even my wife) for fear of getting emotionally hammered once again

5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners? Im not for sure i understand what is being asked here. Needless to say my mom and my wife do not get along now

Quote from: tekla on July 12, 2009, 07:17:30 PM
I think that is correct.  Though I'm sure some of it broke some rather major laws that tend to set the age requirement for a lot of experiences at a level that seems to be almost puritanically high.

The gay community is full of stories of teenage boys (minors, that is, sometimes WELL under eighteen) who are gratefully initiated into sex by mature men. There's no really good way to guarantee that the older partner won't take advantage of the younger partner (or even the other way around, hmm?), but a lot of these experiences are later described by the younger partner as positive and beneficial.

I often wish that I had been able to have such an experience, but it wouldn't have done me any good because people saw me as female. I'm not sure what I am now, some sort of hybrid, really.

When I was seven or eight, I was abused sexually by a teenager in the neighborhood. I repressed the memory for years--thought that only happened in the movies!--and I suddenly remembered it and blurted it out to some other kids on the block. They turned on me soon after and started trying to beat me up. By then, I had repressed the memory again and had no idea why they were being so mean to me.

When the memories resurfaced again, I was an adult. I shrugged off the experience and told myself that "as molestations go, it wasn't so bad." I only started feeling anything real about it last year, after I came out of the closet and started to understand the gender and sexual dynamics that had been involved.

Then I started to have disturbing flashbacks whenever I saw something (porn, for example) with acts similar to what happened to me.

I don't watch porn anymore.

My therapist has discussed ways for me to work through this, but I'm putting it on hold until I am living in my own place and can have meltdowns in privacy, if they occur at all.

I don't know whether this experience has colored my relationships. I rather think that any relationship problems sprang from not being able to trust my parents, particularly my mother.

Edited to add: Now that I think about it, someone recently said that she was surprised that I was still attracted to men after I was molested by a guy. Seems to me that I would have to be into women in the first place, or bi, to jump ship in the way this gal was suggesting. So this molestation did not cause me to avoid men. In this respect, my choice of partners, at least in terms of gender, was manifestly NOT affected by the event. But I suppose it's possible that I unconsciously trusted people less after this episode in my life.

> 1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?

i was.

> 2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people > in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?

i was in a all boy school and it was mainly other students, i broke of school twice because of this.

at a  certain moment i did change from one school to another because i couldn't take it any more, during one of my first days at the new school i was told: if you go with us to that trip we will rape you.


Some students thought they had the right to touch/feel my ass in the middle of the class. of course i can remember only one and one case where a teacher defended me. 

> 3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more
> incriminating emotionally?

the emotional side hurt more than the physical.

> 4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have
> trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?

it is difficult for me to trust someone or open. there is nearly no one i'll have the courage to share/discuss this with openly.

today i tend to be suspect and afraid of men in general.

Quote from: Witch of Hope on July 09, 2009, 05:40:33 PM
Just I write in my own Bio. In it also about the physical and sexual violence of my "father" against me. Therefore the following questions to you:

1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?

Never touched sexually. I got paddlings where appropriate but wasn't physically abused. Emotional abuse is a gray area but I would not use the word "abuse" - my dad was a workaholic and a "manly man" and so we had very little connection and a lot of distance. Mom had emotional issues and was not a "lovey dovey" mother of the stereotypical sort but nothing abusive from either.

The one time I gave them a big obvious clue that I was TS (otherwise I hid it obsessively because I had no doubt my dad would greatly disapprove was when I ran away from home with a suitcase full of my mom's clothes but even though he disapproved, he was not abusive to me about it - of course i told him the idea was to disguise myself, I didn't say "hey, I'm really a girl!")

Outside the home, I got my fair share of bullying as a soft glasses-wearing bookworm type. Nothing I would consider outside the norm though.

Quote
2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?

N/A

Quote

3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?

N/A

Quote
4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?

In some ways I was more reserved emotionally which MAY have to do with their distance but eventually I turned out to be very much the "how do you feel" type of emotional talker and was ood friends with several girls even though I had no "girlfriends"

Quote
5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners?

none.

Quote
I think, your answers can help me to fill the empty gaps in my memory.

Quote from: Witch of Hope on July 09, 2009, 05:40:33 PM
Just I write in my own Bio. In it also about the physical and sexual violence of my "father" against me. Therefore the following questions to you:

1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?

2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?

3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?

4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?

5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners?


I think, your answers can help me to fill the empty gaps in my memory.

Physically and emotionally - Family members, folks at school, church goers.

Attempted sexual abuse - Strangers along my paper route, folks at school, church goers. I was rescued by a "Hippie biker" when a "Clean cut" perve knocked me off my bicycle and tried to put me in his car. That was less than a block away from my home. No-one else did anything to help. That's just one example.

My evil twin became a completely unemotional mess of a person.

Luckily, Virginia is in control now 

1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually? 
All of the above.

2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
I was sexually abused by a babysitter. I was emotionally and physically abused by fellow schoolmates.  Emotionally abused by my last ex because I had told her that I needed to transition.  My Dad was distant, my Mom loving and sensitive.

3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
These experiences lead me to be a loner and mistrustful of others, when it came to my heart, my thoughts and my actions.  All of the above.

4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
I have always been a loner, which resulted in my being mistrustful, but I am learning that trust is to be earned, not given.  My Baby has earned my trust and that has leads us to become a couple.  As we both learn to trust again from each other.

5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners?
I have been selective in my partners.  I have wanted someone who would understand me and my transition.  I think that My Girl understand this because she is going through the same thing.  But that in and of its self is not the reason we are together now.

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Post Merge: July 13, 2009, 08:33:23 PM

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1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually? 
All of the above.

2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
I was sexually abused by a babysitter. I was emotionally and physically abused by fellow schoolmates.  Emotionally abused by my last ex because I had told her that I needed to transition.  My Dad was distant, my Mom loving and sensitive.

3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
These experiences lead me to be a loner and mistrustful of others, when it came to my heart, my thoughts and my actions.  All of the above.

4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
I have always been a loner, which resulted in my being mistrustful, but I am learning that trust is to be earned, not given.  My Baby has earned my trust and that has leads us to become a couple.  As we both learn to trust again from each other.

5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners?
I have been selective in my partners.  I have wanted someone who would understand me and my transition.  I think that My Girl understand this because she is going through the same thing.  But that in and of its self is not the reason we are together now.

1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?  I was sexually abused. Physically, not so much. Emotionally, weren't we all?


2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors? Despite the public perception I never met a priest who was anything less than honorable toward me. I was sexually molested by my uncle.

3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally? They were physical. Centered around genitals and touching and humiliation (framed as a kind of "hazing"). Obviously emotions played a part too.


4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally? I lost a sense that anyone else was there to protect me... especially my parents. You see they found out about it. And did nothing more than give my uncle a stern talking to. It makes me a lot angrier looking back than it did at the time. But I can see how it affected me in retrospect. It made me a LOT more cautious growing close to anyone.

5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners? I suppose indirectly due to that problem growing close to anyone. Hard to guess what that would have been like with a different past though.