A Parable:

Once upon a time, not too very long ago there was a land of chocolate.  It was a fabulously delicious land.   Everyone there was a  kiss,  made from the finest chocolate.  Of course there were some minor variations: Some were made of dark chocolate, some of milk chocolate, and some were a combination.  Some even had nuts.  But everyone agreed that a kiss was the perfect shape because everybody loved kisses. 

So it was a beautiful land.  Everybody was the same with just enough variation for everyone to be interested but comfortable.  Of course it was not always that way.  The leaders of the community cringed when they remembered how it used to be.  Thankfully, they were able to get rid of those awful M&Ms once and for all.  They looked very different.  Of course they claimed that they were the same chocolate on the inside, but the kisses never believed it, not for a minute.  They did not even need to taste what was inside to know.  It was quite obvious.  Their outsides were, well, colored!

Bruised and battered, the M&Ms landed outside the city walls.  It became obvious they would never be loved, never be kissed in that place.  That is when the M&Ms set out on the long and perilous journey.  They had read long ago in their book about a faraway place where they could have a homeland, a place where other M&Ms had gone on before.  Could it possibly be true?  They were not sure, but still, they had to try.

Their colorful shells were nearly melted from the scorching heat when they came over the great rise and spied the city shimmering in the distance.  They wiped their huge eyes with their white gloved hands.  Could it be?  The place the book had told them about?  With renewed vigor they ran toward the great gate.  They gazed up at the gatekeeper.  She was like nothing they had ever seen.  One minute green, the next pink, then blue, then red, and every color in between.  And with the kindest smile the M&Ms had ever witnessed, she uttered the words they longed to hear:

WELCOME ALL!  I AM THE KEEPER OF THIS PLACE OF REFUGE!     

They were shown around.  They were given the rules.  They were allowed to choose a brand new name.  They were told that all of the colors were welcome here, and that no one would care if they chose to reveal if they had peanuts or not.  It was truly an amazing place.

As they got to know others in the Place of Refuge, life was amazing.  It seemed that in no time at all, they began to understand their purpose in this world.  They began to appreciate the differences in one another.  They began to notice the subtleties in each others' makeup that they had not seen before.  After all, they had been too fixed on just surviving during their long exodus to concentrate on anything so trivial as that.

Now many yearned in their hearts for the Land of Chocolate.  Here in the Place of Refuge they found out some amazing things.  Some of the M&Ms had been able to put together the resources to have their shells altered.  They had learned to look and speak and act like kisses.  They were ready to return, and some did with none of the kisses the wiser.  They were missed in the Place of Refuge but most were very happy.  Others went back and tried to change the mind of the kisses.  They were mostly ignored.  Still , everyone hoped they would eventually succeed. 

As life settled in to a routine, the new M&Ms began to be more acutely aware of their differences. Every now and again, there was a squabble.  In particular, some of the M&Ms had a slight aroma to them.  It was a little minty.  Now to be sure, they were a small minority, and it only happened to the green or red ones.  That was when a few of the senior M&Ms remembered that this was the same smell they had encountered back in the Land of Chocolate when the kisses had made that Christmas commercial.  Some of the kisses had formed a handbell act and even made it onto TV.  It was a glorious time for kisses.  Their pride was at an all-time high.  Those memories really hurt.  But that mint smell, that was surely the smell of Christmas, the smell that really belonged to the kisses.  It is said that the sense of smell is the one that triggers our emotions the most vividly.  There were just way too many bad memories associated with that minty smell!

So many of the older residents of the Place of Refuge decided that it was just way too uncomfortable with that smell around.  Any time it would pop up, they would remind everyone of how much it reeked of the kisses.  It started slowly, but eventually began to be quite painful for the "Christmas M&Ms" as the others had dubbed them.  They began to wonder what they had done wrong.  They had no recollection of treating the others wrongly, and they were surely genuine M&Ms even if they were a little unique.  But no matter, the more the others talked about the smell, the worse it seemed. 

One by one, the "Christmas M&Ms" trickled sadly through the front gate of the Place of Refuge.  It seemed ironic to them that they were the ones who had borne the book that first told so long ago of a place of refuge where anyone could be safe.  They looked at their once proud shells.  Some had nicks or chips.  Some were showing their chocolate.  As they pondered what they might possibly do next, they saw a new band of M&Ms excitedly approach the city gate.  Their big eyes were so hopeful as they heard the words of the gate keeper:

WELCOME ALL!  I AM THE KEEPER OF THIS PLACE OF REFUGE! 

Interesting parable on so many levels.

The connection with us and the non-LGBTIQ world is obvious. 

You can take it three steps further - one how the T often seems to be seperated from the LGB_IQ world.  From what I have generally observed, we tend to segragate ourselves from everyone who is not trans.  If the LGB_IQ world cannot put a face to the T issues, it can be hard to gather support.  The more we participate in LGB_IQ issues, the more the community will participate in our issues.

A second level is where different members of the trans world treat each other.  Drag queen vs. Transsexual.  We often forget that all of us must stand as one, regardless of where we are on the transgender spectrum.

A third level in how we at Susans treat each other.  Sometimes, I think we make disagreements a little too personal.  Again, to quote, "We must hang together or we will surely hang separately!"

It should make us question who we are, what we are doing and how we are doing it.

THESE are the times that try men's souls...Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated.

Thomas Paine, "The Crisis."

A very timely parable.
Well done Kristi.

I love chocolate.

Quote
A second level is where different members of the trans world treat each other.  Drag queen vs. Transsexual.  We often forget that all of us must stand as one, regardless of where we are on the transgender spectrum.

It's not strange to me that we'd have difficulty working these seeming inconsistencies out. I don't think any of us in the trans community or the larger civil rights community dare be "vs." another and I don't think any of us can be silent while any of us suffers discrimination.....BUT....

At the same time, it IS difficult, IMHO, to say to the skeptic "I was born this way" in regards to my gender identity when I'm lumped in with people who are, in essence, recreationally or professionally bluring gender behavior.

Be clear - I am NOT disrespecting the behavior or the rights of the drag queen...but I don't think anyone seriously argues the drag queen (and by this I mean a person who dresses in drag as an entertainer or simply because they choose to be flamboyant an an attention seeker) was "born a drag queen" so the causal lumping of the two together in discussions weakens our position in terms of gaining understanding about the nature of transsexual issues.

And having said that i do NOT advocate "kicking them to the curb"...I'm just acknowledging that there's a logical reason why we have some difficulty successfully integrating the diverse nature of all the people groups within the civil rights community.

And if we struggle with it then it's only logical those on the other side of the aisle will have trouble understanding.

Read this, and then get back to me.

http://www.alternet.org/politics/141248/provocative_new_book_challenges_us_to_really_ask_%22why%22/

Fascinating article, Tekla, and a good read.  Only obliquely touches on the point of the parable, but a good read nonetheless.

Actually I am quite surprised anyone had the courage to respond to this at all.  Thanks!

Kristi

I thought, at least what it was saying to me, is that we're in a process, one that has been going on for decades now, of all creating our own places of refuge.  The land of chocolate over here, the land of Jelly-Bellies over there and they are getting further and further apart.

I think of Susan's as a place of refuge. Sometimes these religious battles and political rants going on here make me sigh. "I may smell minty but you smell like a Republican!!" Still, here there is peace and goodwill, friendship and comeradery, good advice and a sympathetic shoulder to cry on when we need one. In our fervor to get our points across about how our particular religious or political affilliation is better than someone elses, I think we should not forget what this place is really here for- a place of refuge for us who are different in a world that misunderstands us at best and seeks our extermination at worst.

We shouldn't have to be afraid of being ripped apart at the seams at a place of refuge. Even if you killed all the m&m's there were, there would still be more m&m's born to take their place.

And I also love chocolate 

A lovely parable, Kristi....thank you.
I agree.  This is a place of refuge.  It's also a place of resting, and healing.  If I paid for the privilege of actually residing for a time in a place of refuge, I would feel that arguments and such would only diminish the benefit I paid to receive, and I might be resentful.  That resentment might lead me to say things that would only serve to fuel the argument, and further diminish any healthful benefit I wished to receive from residing in the place of refuge.

There are plenty of 'homes' on the internet where disagreement, debate for the sake of debate, and lively verbal slugfests are welcome, but when I see them here, it disappoints me.


*M&M*
Bev

Quote from: Miss Bev on July 20, 2009, 08:54:02 AM
A lovely parable, Kristi....thank you.
I agree.  This is a place of refuge.  It's also a place of resting, and healing.  If I paid for the privilege of actually residing for a time in a place of refuge, I would feel that arguments and such would only diminish the benefit I paid to receive, and I might be resentful.  That resentment might lead me to say things that would only serve to fuel the argument, and further diminish any healthful benefit I wished to receive from residing in the place of refuge.

There are plenty of 'homes' on the internet where disagreement, debate for the sake of debate, and lively verbal slugfests are welcome, but when I see them here, it disappoints me.


*M&M*
Bev

Three cheers! I'm so much in agreement here and I MUST pay more attention to my own behavior in that regard.

Being abusive or gratuitously argumentative is never a good thing.  However, there's a big difference between being an obnoxious ass and just disagreeing with someone.

When people make intelligent challenges to my point of view, I find it refreshing and interesting.  It helps me to modify or verify my perspective.  I'd hate to have this "cleansed" out of any community, including this one.

Now, if someone is being unnecessarily belligerent or obnoxious, then that's an issue for the moderation team.  So yes, I hope people don't forget the support aspects of the site but, at the end of the day, if you've got a problem with what someone's posting, click the "notify" icon.

I've been around online forums a while, and I'm not sure if I've ever seen anyone actually win a religious or political argument. If "winning" is measured by silencing your opponent with insults, or smarmy innuendo, or flaming them to the farthest reaches of hell (once defined as the impossibility of reason) then yeah, perhaps. But something gets irretrievably lost in that process and it inevitably leads to those with good and even important ideas to contribute simply keeping silent for fear of reprisal or being browbeaten by diatribe and dogma. The result is we get a lot of words that go round and round with very little substance to them. It isn't discourse, it's just petty bickering. It may not be specifically a violation of the TOS, but to some people it's distressing all the same.

I'm pretty sure the lively exchange of ideas is not what I was referring to in my post before Bev's when I said one shouldn't have to be afraid of being ripped apart at the seams at a place of refuge.

Who clicked "notify" and didn't give a reason on this thread?

wasn't me

I just wanted to say I really like what you wrote Kristi. It made me smile since it was so creative. Great job.

.....nor I.....

Bev

Shaunna, I haveto strenously disagree with the statement you madeabout Trans people seperating themselves from the rest of the Queer society . I have found that by and large , the queer comunity viewsus as the Step children of society and ten too we don't do a very good job of supporting our ranks , (C D's vs Trans )vs POST OPs Ellen Shaver