1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
I was both physically and emotionally

2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
It was my family and other kids at school, but mainly my father

3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
well my dad used to hit me a lot (smacking, punching, belt, throwing me against walls, etc), and he would always put me down; pointing out all my flaws and never seeming to pay attention to anything good I did. And he always said that I would never finish high school and I would be a bum living out on the streets. Other than that though, I was made fun of and bullied in school for being "weird" and I never had any friends until high school. Also my youngest sister was always really mean to me and she would always hit me for no apparent reason, one time she knocked one of my teeth out by kicking me in the jaw. It was definitely more emotional damaging, physical pain has never bothered me that much (I'm sort of masochistic).

4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
I was pretty pessimistic, depressed, and bitter for most of my life and I used to have anger problems because I would try to keep my emotions bottled up. It took me a while to be able to trust other people and open up to them, but I'm starting to be able to now.

5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners?
I have never been in a relationship, partly because I was never really interested in the past, but mostly because I don't really believe that there's anyone out there who's right for me and after seeing my parents fight so much and then get divorced, I don't want to risk going through the same thing myself.

Quote from: Anima on July 19, 2009, 03:53:46 PM
5.Determination of partners? Didn't understand the question.

I think with whether you this experience has influenced in the choice of your lifelong companion (woman, man, or maybe both). And also whether in the relation the sexual abuse played a role (e.g., in the fear of physical or emotional nearness).

1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
- I was

2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
-Sexually abused by step father, by best friends brother and by a boyfriend. Emotionally by family, and boyfriends

3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
- Both

4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?

-Not right away. It takes a lot of time. And pretty much i dont know who i am anymore. I can't remember who i was and who i was supose to be because it was beaten out of me. I lost that person.

5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners?
- Yes. I choose someone safe. Someone i could toss around (never would but shes small enough haha) It may not mean much because i'm not Trans just an SO but i do have MPD because of the abused sufferd as a child. I know that everyone is diffrent and everyone is stronger or weaker in some respects. My mind couldnt cope with what was happening and protected me.I hope this helps. 

1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?Yes, emotionally.

2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?Family and my mother's current minister

3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?99.9% emotional.  My family...and I do mean all of them, immediate and extended, were especially skilled in the passive aggressive.  They were physically very distant and I rarely ever heard anything that wasn't full of resentment, but it was all so subtle that if I were to talk about it, I would feel ridiculous.  I would rather have been beaten...at least people (outsiders) know that's wrong.  Basically, my mom got knocked up and married my dad...her family hated him and I look like him...I guess it's hard to love someone that looks like someone you hate.  I didn't really realize it until my little brother was born when I was 12.  He looks just like my mom's dad (who hung the moon, if you didn't know ) and everyone fell all over themselves to hug him, buy things for him...and he was AWFUL.  He was the meanest child I've ever seen.  I realized then that no matter how good I was, how well I did in school, how quiet or well behaved I was...as long as I looked like my dad, they would resent me.  I think my parents weren't ready to be parents (they were 20) and they resented having to 'grow up'.  My aunt constantly badgered me about who bought me what because she thought my grandparents favored me over their daughter, who's the same age and because of that, my grandparents stepped back quite a bit so that everything looked equal.  It's a giant load of crap, really.

As for my mother's minister, he came to the church when I was 10 and he never hesitated to make negative comments about my weight or (not so long ago) how I'm not successful and how I should do better (really?  I never would have thought of that on my own!).  He never treated the other kids that way.  He was (still is, I suppose...) really hateful.

4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?I don't trust anyone.  The only person I remotely trust had to push and push.  I've never opened up to him, but I think he has an idea of what my family is like because of things they have done since I've known him.  It's weird, but I think if I were thin/pretty, I would be less suspicious of someone who was interested in me.    Also, anyone that I have ever relied on has ended up getting hurt, so I won't rely on anyone else anymore either.

5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners?Absolutely, because I've never had a real relationship with anyone.  I don't trust anyone who wants to date me (if there are any...I'm pretty oblivious).  I don't trust that they won't throw me away and frankly, why would anyone want to date me looking the way I do?

This is an interesting thread...I'm not all that surprised, though. 

1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually? physically and emotionally

2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?  There were three main ones - my grandmother, my father, and my brother, who is a few years younger.  My father gave a great deal of control over my life to my brother, e.g. if he said there had been a fight and I started it that was absolute proof to my father, who would then punish me severely (always physically, so he was able to use such things as a weapon.

3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?  Both were used, but I was more able to ignore the physical aspects - after enough beating I became numb to it and since it was often given for false reasons or no reason at all it was easy to dismiss it as "dad's just lost his temper again."  The emotional tear-downs were harder, though.  In spite of successfully handling significant parts of dad's business on my own as a teen, even running it by myself for as much as nine days at a time, all I ever got was a how I never did anything right, was untrustworthy, etc.  "Untrustworthy" was also the reason used to deny me any social contact with peers as was allowed almost without limit to my brother.

4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?  I didn't have much trouble trusting others, but it did lead to me keeping family at arm's length.

5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners?  There are certain things I can't tolerate from a partner and did have a difficult experience in the past as a result.

1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually? sexually

2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?  One of my great-uncles. I only know we're related to each other and his wife was my granddad's sister or so...

3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?  I wasn't able to remember what has happened for a long time...It happened the first time when I was about 5 and I was 12 when I could remember the first fragments of what had happened there. I can hardly describe hoe I felt back then. I was helpless at my age, afraid of him to do worse things in case I told my mother about anything. I felt ashamed of what I was and it changed me emotionally, even though I haven't known this for a long time. The subconscious doesn't forget, you know.

4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?  It's very hard for me to trust someone, especially when it comes to love or sex(my situation as a transgender doesn't make this any easier...). I am afraid of being forced to do something I don't want to do, even though I know I have the phisical strength to defend myself. I am not afraid of making love with a man, it's only I need a lot of time to fully trust one.

5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners? As I already stated, it's difficult for me to trust others...

Quote from: Arch on July 13, 2009, 01:02:57 PM
Now that I think about it, someone recently said that she was surprised that I was still attracted to men after I was molested by a guy. Seems to me that I would have to be into women in the first place, or bi, to jump ship in the way this gal was suggesting. So this molestation did not cause me to avoid men. In this respect, my choice of partners, at least in terms of gender, was manifestly NOT affected by the event. But I suppose it's possible that I unconsciously trusted people less after this episode in my life.

Agree with you here. I am still attracted to men, even though I was abused by a man. Just turn the thought around: How many women would be lesbians if they wouldn't be attracted to men after they've been molested by a man? This ->-bleeped-<- happens more often than most people think...

Quote1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?

I was emotionally abused, and sometimes physically, from age 10 to 23.

Quote2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?

By my step-mother, my parents never touched me or harmed me in any way.  From age 18-20 I was emotionally led on by a girl from high school.  In 9th grade I was physically assaulted by three girls on a school bus, and was traumatized by it.

Quote3. How have experienced these maltreatment? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?

My step-mother would often belittle me, make fun of the way I acted, the things I did, or said, and often bad-mouthed my mother during arguments with my father.  These were very hurtful to me because they damaged me, emotionally, at a very early age, and throughout my adolescence.  Twice, she attempted to choke me; once she succeeded and I tried to fight her off, and dad had to break us up.  The other time she and I were having an argument while we were both home, alone, and she started towards me and I threatened her.  She called the police on me but they didn't do anything because I was defending myself.  I don't know if she did this because she saw that I was trans, or what, but she never did anything to my two brothers.

As for the girl from high school, she wanted to have a relationship with me, then she didn't, and then she did.  This went on for months, and it was very difficult because she teased me and played with my feelings.

The three girls on the school bus...cornered me and touched me against my will, and slapped me around when I objected to being touched.  Thankfully the bus driver stepped in and they left me alone.

Quote4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?

Before I transitioned, I became increasingly depressed over the years because of the abuse, and became meek because of it.  I didn't stand up for myself, was anxious and constantly on the defense all the time; I had a hard time opening myself up to others, especially in romantic situations, because I didn't trust others enough; I thought that they would end up hurting me like my step-mother, or like the girl from high school.

The only time I opened up was to my first (and so far only) girlfriend, from age 17-18.  We dated for about 7 months and I loved her dearly, and we trusted each other.  Unfortunately, I wanted the relationship to progress on an intimate level, and she didn't, so I broke it off with her because I feared I might hurt her or force her into something she didn't want, which is completely irrational because I'm not the kind of person who would hurt someone intentionally.

Now, after having transitioned, I am a much stronger person.  I stand up for myself and I don't let people hurt me anymore, but the emotional scars will always be there.  My abuse has made me very fearful of romantic/intimate relationships, and I'm afraid of sex (I'm still a virgin), almost to the point of becoming ill when thinking about it.  I'm terrified that I might end up hurting a partner unintentionally, or being hurt by them.  The assault I experienced has been very painful to work past, and right now I'm too scared to even begin dating someone.

Quote5. Has this experience had a choose of the determination of your partners?

While I consider myself a lesbian and am attracted to other women, I am too scared to be with someone, and until I sort out my feelings/emotions through therapy, I doubt I will have a partner.

1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?

Me as well. Mostly emotional abuse, quite severe.

2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?

My mother tried to suppress my natural expression by belittling, demeaning, etc.


3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?

Largely emotional but devastatingly effective.

4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?

Left a very negative self-image, one that has taken a lifetime to try to get over.

5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners?

Probably. I have been married twice but never let anyone get close enough to really hurt me again. I am still trying to work through that.

I was definitely abused by my mother and her husband when I was a child. That woman hates me to no end. Has since I was born. That is all I am going to say about that except every time I see her she starts ranting and raving about queers and homosexuals. Nevermind that she has a cousin who is gay and loves him dearly. Just says that crap for my benefit if you know what I mean. Started that crap when I was about 4 or 5. She clearly knew I was trans and did everything in her power to "make me a man" like pushing sports and hunting on me.

Unfortunately, it has adversely affected my entire life. I have had a terrible time forming connections with people. Even ones I liked. I didn't trust anybody. I couldn't generate feelings for others. I got married late in my 20's and to a woman I clearly didn't love. Before that I had ran through a myriad of men and women all of whom would have made fantastic life partners.

I think that the abuse could be construed as both physical and emotional. It was from my parents. They destroyed my self esteem and made me hate myself and want to cover up who I was and it caused me to get into relationships that I am not happy being a part of.  While I'd be much happier living as a heterosexual female I am stuck living as a heterosexual male.

1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually?
Mostly Emotionally, mildly physical and a bit sexual.

2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?
Father, step father, mostly peers in school.

4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally? I repressed myself, my sexuality, emotions, love...

5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners?
I think it may have but I may never know for sure. When you are unsure of things, some people just do what is considered "normal" either hoping it works, or just use it to fill in the blank until they have a true answer. My sexuality took a back seat to gender issues, so I may never determine the true cause.

Quote from: Leslie Ann on August 03, 2009, 05:27:57 AM
When you are unsure of things, some people just do what is considered "normal" either hoping it works, or just use it to fill in the blank until they have a true answer.

That's it exactly. 

My conclusions:

I would like to thank to you to all for your comments and contributions. They have shown that many were abused by us emotionally, physically and/or sexually when we were children or youngsters. And in one or other manner; this experience also on our later sexuality, and on our sexual / pair behavior has an influence. Not each of us can build up later a really good relationship if the old loads of the childhood and youth were so stamping.May our wounds may heal one day, and we can really love without having to be afraid of violations of every way.

1. Who of you was ill-treated as a child physically, emotionally or sexually? Physically and emotionally.

2. Were the perpetrators  from your own family or were it strangers? Were these "people in authority" like priests, teachers or doctors?  Stepfather, Stepmother, Sisters

3. How have experienced  these maltreatments? Were they physical or were more incriminating emotionally?
Both. 

4. Which influence have did this experience on your former and current life? Can you have trust/confidence to somebody, or open to yourselves somebody emotionally?
It messed up my ability to trust people.  Or be open emotionally.  I have a definite hard time trusting men, or people who are overly religious.  I've worked through a lot of the issues though, and I'm currently in a relationship that I'm extremely open in.

5. Has this experience had a choose of the determiation of  your partners?
I think it has made me less likely to date men (besides the fact I already have a partner)