Quote from: Anima on July 22, 2009, 07:39:27 PM
Yuck, I felt great a moment ago, but now I feel like puking. This is a good chance of just making fun out of my whole life for a moment.
Being drunk will do that. Great one moment and puking your guts out the next! Especially if you've been sitting a long while drinking and then get up! Not a good feeling anymore, is it?
QuoteI feel like a clown anyway, so maybe I should just run around the neighborhood with a clown costume and honk on a horn and say "tee hee" and slap them in the face, before continuing. Would be nice and liberating.
What makes you feel like a clown? Do you like clowns and find they bring joy and laughter to people who are sad or lonely? Or do you think they are just people everyone else laughs at because everyone thinks the clowns are foolish?
That makes a lot of difference in how you'll act as a clown, dear. If you think the second then maybe you'll just have people angry at you. If you think the first then perhaps people will recall a happiness they had in their childhoods and laugh and feel young again and alive.
Then they'll probably want to follow you and experience you as someone who brought life and freshness back into their lives.
Not such a bad way to feel, no?
QuoteI just want to be a girl. I'm tired of this trip. F**k it all really. I don't care.
So, not a clown at all? Or at least a girl clown?
Then, luv, if that's what you want to be you shall surely be a girl.
Tired, or just drunk and feeling badly? That makesa difference as well, Anima. A big one.
And I am thinking that you didn't quite tell the whole truth when you said you "don't care really." I think you care a lot. About you and about being a girl.
But it does take time for us to admit things, especially to ourselves. Take your time, Anima. We always have time. No rush, no worries required, Just like watching a clown in childhood, laugh, feel good and young and fresh. There's time.
QuoteYeah, who cares. Who really cares??? If I would die, then there would be just one less problem in the world. "Oh, Anima died? Thats REALLY SAD. Ok, lets make some popcorn and watch a movie".
You mean who cares besides you?
Why, I care, Anima. I'd like it if you could find a road to your own peace. I'll just bet I am not the only person here and prolly elsewhere who feels that way.
And if Anima dies, the world would weep. Perhaps some wouldn't know what they were crying for. They'd just wake up from their dreams and there'd be tears in their eyes and their pillows and sheets would be damp with salty tears.
But we'd know why they had cried, wouldn't we? Because Anima would have gone away before finding her deepest desire.
You can do this, Anima. You can.
After you sleep and care for yourself you can make your life something you'll be content within. Just take your time. OK?
