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What did I do to deserve this? Thoughts on transition and thankyou.

Started by LynnER, August 22, 2006, 12:41:27 AM

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LynnER

I dont know if the topic name is appropriate but *Shrugs*

What did I do to deserve this?
Deserve what?  I know its a hard road that is far less travled than others.... but cant that be a good thing?

Would I have made the friends I have that will last a lifetime?


Transition despite all its ups and downs and especialy downfalls has actualy been good to me....
What kind of person would I have been had I not travled this road... would I still have been a looser?  would I have never fallen into that trap?  I dont know... but do I really want to.

Ive noticed from everyone here that with all theyve gone through in life they have become stronger better people.  Just the strenght of charactor alone speaks for itsself.  Not only do we strive to do what we must but we take the time out of our day to atleast try and help others......

Ive noticed that though we may not get the recognitioon we deserve many of us excell in whatever we set our minds to do... be it work or play.  How many people can actualy claim that.... and would you be that way if your wernt who you were? When an obstical is thrown in our way that would topple others who are "Better" than us do we not overcome? I know its a curse, but at the same time Im comeing to beleave its a blessing in descuise<correct my spelling please LoL>


What did I do to deserve this?  Is it a test from god... just a freak accident?  I really dont care anymore.  Im a better person than I would have been otherwise Im sure... I know better people than I would have... and at this point I wouldnt give any of it up... I wouldnt do any of it over again...  I wouldnt change a thing.

Heres cheers to us,   Thankyou all for the valuable lessons youve helped me learn and helped me to survive.
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Melissa

I have this question all the time.  The answer that keeps coming back to me is: "You were supposed to be a girl".

Melissa
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Buffy

Hi Lynn,

I have asked this question all through my life.. troubled over it, tried to find answers and reasons.

Yeah ... basically the powers up above screwed up and I accept that (now) but had trouble all through my early and middlelife accepting it. I spent a long time feeling bad about it, hoping it would go away (if I ignored it) or try not to think about it and block it out. Denial doesn't work

It never did, because it was who I am, what I am, it is the fundemental of my being... I COULD NEVER change that.

As for help, we are lucky that these days, there is much better access to help, support and guidance (I won't include Medical Processes in that).

The one thing I do know, is that I wouldn't wish GID on my worst enemy it is at times soul destroying and desperate. We cannot change who we are and have no other options other than living (and accepting) the pain or transitioning.

Buffy
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TheBattler

Quote from: LynnER on August 22, 2006, 12:41:27 AM

What did I do to deserve this?  Is it a test from god... just a freak accident?  I really dont care anymore.  Im a better person than I would have been otherwise Im sure... I know better people than I would have... and at this point I wouldnt give any of it up... I wouldnt do any of it over again...  I wouldnt change a thing.


Lynn,

I have trouble at this time understanding why you would day this. I still have not accepted that I will grow old with Alice within me. Today I was happy and work until up poped Alice and I started to talk to my work colleges. It may me relise how different I am and how I still need to accept myself being TG. It is very hard to do when your emotions are all out of wack.

Alice
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Bob

Quote from: LynnER on August 22, 2006, 12:41:27 AM
I dont know if the topic name is appropriate but *Shrugs*

What did I do to deserve this?
Deserve what?  I know its a hard road that is far less travled than others.... but cant that be a good thing?

Would I have made the friends I have that will last a lifetime?


Transition despite all its ups and downs and especialy downfalls has actualy been good to me....
What kind of person would I have been had I not travled this road... would I still have been a looser?  would I have never fallen into that trap?  I dont know... but do I really want to.

Ive noticed from everyone here that with all theyve gone through in life they have become stronger better people.  Just the strenght of charactor alone speaks for itsself.  Not only do we strive to do what we must but we take the time out of our day to atleast try and help others......

Ive noticed that though we may not get the recognitioon we deserve many of us excell in whatever we set our minds to do... be it work or play.  How many people can actualy claim that.... and would you be that way if your wernt who you were? When an obstical is thrown in our way that would topple others who are "Better" than us do we not overcome? I know its a curse, but at the same time Im comeing to beleave its a blessing in descuise<correct my spelling please LoL>


What did I do to deserve this?  Is it a test from god... just a freak accident?  I really dont care anymore.  Im a better person than I would have been otherwise Im sure... I know better people than I would have... and at this point I wouldnt give any of it up... I wouldnt do any of it over again...  I wouldnt change a thing.

Heres cheers to us,   Thankyou all for the valuable lessons youve helped me learn and helped me to survive.



Lynn You Continue to amaze me !  You are so Absoultly Correct ! You asked would you still be the same looser you were ? the answer is yes !  I'm sure of that  ! You are now a diferent person than you once were Every one here is so dadburn smart and Wize beyond their years that it constantly astounds me !
You are so right on your observations !  there is more careing here on this forem than anywhere I have seen .  would you be that way if it wasn't for the TS afliction ? almost asuridly NO !  you have been forced to learn......
Survival does that! so ....transision is a crash corse in survival and life.
the question of "are you a better person now for it ? " Of course ! Look at who you are surrounded with here ! All these people with their serious problems and yet they help all they can .... thats not normal in the socioty we live in... this is exceptional !   and whats more the further into transision you get the better a person you become ! So you have that to look foward to ! 
heck man, if I wasn't  happy being Male I'ed consider Transision just for that ! anything that makes a better person out of you is worth its weight in gold ... people spend decades in monistaries trying to achieve the level of awareness that you people have in a few years !  its something to be proud of .
I'm reminded of a statement I hurd once, Adversity makes a better you or a bitter you, the choice is yours.
No doubt Transision is one of the hardest things I have ever whitnessed . but look at the benifits it brings along with it !  there is an UP side to transision ! you just have to look for it hard, because your mired down in the quicksand of survival still... so raise your harts and cheer ! it will get better and you will be a better person for it ... How can you beat a deal like that ! <grin>
...
my 2 coppers
Bob.......

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HelenW

Quote from: LynnWhat did I do to deserve this?  Is it a test from god... just a freak accident?
Quote from: MelissaThe answer that keeps coming back to me is: "You were supposed to be a girl".
Quote from: Buffy... basically the powers up above screwed up

Here's a thought that I have and, really, it helps put things into perspective:

I CHOSE to do this in this life, I CHOSE to be who I am, in order to LEARN and become the person I am today and will be tomorrow.  I CHOSE this in order to evolve.

Note the use of the past tense.  I don't get to vote on it now because I already did, I just forgot.  Do I sometimes feel, "Well, this sucks!" - Of course!  It's those things that we suffer from that make us better.  One of the hardest and most difficult lessons I've had to learn is that the people who have had the easiest lives are the ones who are most likely to be bigoted idiots and that suffering is required for growth.

So, I try to smile through the suffering (it makes it easier to grit my teeth that way) because I know, I chose it for my own good.

helen
FKA: Emelye

Pronouns: she/her

My rarely updated blog: http://emelyes-kitchen.blogspot.com

Southwestern New York trans support: http://www.southerntiertrans.org/
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Melissa

Let me clarify my thoughts a little better.

Quote from: Melissa on August 22, 2006, 12:49:03 AM
I have this question all the time.  The answer that keeps coming back to me is: "You were supposed to be a girl".

Melissa

My body started changing on it's own.  It decided that testosterone was not right for it.  When I started hormones, I had phenomenal results because my body took it in like a person dying of thirst takes in water.  Why does my body react so well to estrogen, but not testosterone?  Why did I adjust to female socialization in well under a year, but I never adjusted to male socialization after over 28 years?  Why does it all feel so natural now?  The answer that seems to answer all of these questions is that I was supposed to be a girl.

Now the corollary to the main question is "Why was I not born as a natal female?"  And my completely honest answer is "I don't know".  I can make educated guesses, but I was a twin (fraternal) and I had some complications at birth, but I survived.  Did something go wrong in the womb?  I don't know.  All I know is that my parents told me that it was questioned whether I would survive or not.  It could be that something went wrong while I was in the womb and the effects were much more far-reaching than anybody had anticipated.  Maybe I wasn't supposed to survive, but I did anyways.  I can make many guesses, but honestly, I don't know.

Melissa
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TheBattler

Quote from: Melissa on August 22, 2006, 12:12:10 PM

Now the corollary to the main question is "Why was I not born as a natal female?"  And my completely honest answer is "I don't know".  I can make educated guesses, but I was a twin (fraternal) and I had some complications at birth, but I survived.  Did something go wrong in the womb?  I don't know.  All I know is that my parents told me that it was questioned whether I would survive or not.  It could be that something went wrong while I was in the womb and the effects were much more far-reaching than anybody had anticipated.  Maybe I wasn't supposed to survive, but I did anyways.  I can make many guesses, but honestly, I don't know.

Melissa


It is interesting you say this Melissa. My mum has reminded me on a number of occassion that I am lucky to be alive and not spastic. I knew I had a difficault birth but recently my mum told me the whole pregency had been hard with bleeding in the first and last trimester. She was wondering if this had any bearing on my current TG state and there is some material out there that says it does start in the womb.

Alice

PS I should add: I am sure that I was delivered via an emergency C section.
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Bob

thats an interesting thought. Our Kid Now a TS wasan extreamily large baby
that weighed in at 13pounds 8 oz.  the Doctor held him up and said "Wow this kid is half grown !"
Completely healthy in every respect, the wife did need shots to deliver.
and was very disipointed that she did we were trying hard to have a natural child birth, without chemicals ! ... but about 2 hours into labor she was screaming ! and the doctor sujested a shot and she jumped at the chance !
the labor was long and hard but if it hadn't have been for the streaching exersizes she had done all through her pregentsy I am sure they would have had to do a C section and remove the baby.
So that was a problem... technically a small one when it comes to giveing
birth ,but a complication nontheless....
thats very interesting indeed !
....

Bob......
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LynnER

My mom had troubble giveing birth to me too......  My parrents were trying for a natural birth but when the time came some complications arose.... I dont know all the details but basicly my mom has a mans pelvic bone.... its fused together rather than seporated to allow for giveing birth.   *shrugs*  She had to have a C-section for myself, my first brother (r.i.p.) and Geo....... shes had a histo sence because preganancy just did not suit her at all..........
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Bob

Wow anymore TS folk out there have truble at birth ?
or perhaps more importantly any that didn't ?
...
Bob.......
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Chaunte


As I recall, I was two weeks late.  I had placed myself spread-eagle in my mother's womb and was heard to be shouting, "No!  No!  I won't go!"

Chaunte
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Bob

hehehe Chaunte ! do you know how hard it is for me to type a responce when i am laughing so hard the tears blur the screen ? shame on you !  you NUT !!!
HAHAHAHHA
thank you for the laugh !
Bob........
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Chaunte

Quote from: Bob on August 22, 2006, 09:07:52 PM
hehehe Chaunte ! do you know how hard it is for me to type a responce when i am laughing so hard the tears blur the screen ? shame on you !  you NUT !!!
HAHAHAHHA
thank you for the laugh !
Bob........


As I tell my students...  "I'll be here all week!  Try the veal.  Don't forget to tip the waiters and waitress!  Good night, folks!"

But seriously, folks.....

I don't know if there are any physicians or endocrinologists in our group, but I'll ask anyway.

If a pregnancy is running late and/or hard, what happens to the hormonal balance in the womb?

CHaunte
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gin

My father was adopted, but I do know that his birth mother had cerebral palsey and was wheelchair bound.  I don't know details and the adoption records are sealed.  However, I would imagine that pregnancy was full of complications as well.
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Jillieann Rose

Interesting turn on a great topic.
I was almost born dead.  :o
My dad had decided if it came to mom or me I would die. You see I went down the birth canal feet first. (I'm allways doing things ass backwards.) In those days they didn't do C sections so it was mom or me. But then the doc had a bright idea and he used some tongs to turn me around. Oh, I can still show you the indents where he grasped my head with those metal things.
Hummmmmm  maybe that why I'm TS......................... NO
Than again maybe that was the end of an unusual pregnancy that did cause me to be TG.
Intreresting.
:)
Jillieann
Posted on: August 24, 2006, 12:08:08 AM
Oh Lynner,
Thank you for the topic.
You have cheered me up and I feel better now.
:)
Jillieann
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Melissa

That's called a breech birth by the way Jillieann.  Maybe you knew that already, but just in case...

Melissa
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Bob

Everyone so far has had unusually High pressure in the birthing proccess .
very interesting indeed !

and great Pic Jilliann !



Bob...........
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Jillieann Rose

Thanks Bob.
Yes I know Melissa and in the late 40's and early 50's if you got stuck like I did usually either the mother died or maybe both. Or the doctor destroyed the baby to save the mothers life. Details not needed.  
Jillieann
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Bob

I was born in 1952 but i had the luxury of being the 2nd kid mom had so i guess  she pushed me out purdy fast ! , My sister had 3 kids and the 3rd was almost born in the car going to the hospital ! seams the more a gal has the faster they come ! hehehehe !
  Our Kid however was our first , and last as I don't wann'a go through that again ! , I can deliver calves or horses or piglets but that human stuff gets to me real fast ! HAHAHHAA !
Who knows it could be something as pressure in the womb that causes TS ...
or one of the medicens commonly given in childbirth...we do know it is a defect (or a defect caused at birth), not a desiese,  its not real common but the more people become open about it the more the numbers are increaseing  last I hurd it was as high as 1 in 10 is that correct ? does anyone know ?
that one in ten sounds about like the ratio of wemon having truble giving birth to me ....
....
  if someone has the ability to look up those FACTS it might shed some light on the subject eh ?
we'ed be looking for Number of TS people per population in a stitical form
and the number of Mothers having problem giveing birth  in a stitical form as well.... that would be very interesting to know !.
....
however that would only get close, as some of the population were not born in the stitistics ground location.... they are imigrants, and there for would mess up the numbers.   
....
although it could be something as simple as a comment given by a doctor when the infints mind is so stressed. and that according to Dianetics is an Ingram waiting to happen... there is nothing like pain to lock something into the mind good or bad....and if I remember right child birth ain't a walk in the park ! <GRIN> so if the doctor is gabby that day it could mess up many kids ! and Mothers for that matter ! .....
  I've thought sense the 1980's that there should be a gag order on the hospitals when ever a person is put out ...because the ears still hear and it goes directly into the brain without the benifit or consinious to filter it .
for instance, if the paitiant is out under anistic and the Nurse drops something or forgets to do something and the Doctor says  " You dummie" the paitiant retains those 2 words and over time sense it is hidden from his consiousness  winds up thinking of himself as a dummie .....
perhaps TS is something like that , amplified by the pain of birth
and some doctors sexist remark could be burried in everyones minds and as a result change them entirely ! .... the human mind is a very powerfull thing
and I wouldn't put it past the minds ability to do something like that !
though i think it unlikely,, its probly more than likely the pressure at birth causeing something in the brain to change..... interesting to think about though , though I amagon for those that are TS its like scratching on the chock-board with your fingernails , so I'll shuddup ! Sorry !
just rambleing on here as usual !
....
Bob.......




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