Anyone appear to have a radical change in age depending on a presentation? I'm 21, but if people think I'm a boy, then I appear to be around 12, which has caused embarassment. Long story short, in early high school I got my hair cut shorter than I'd ever had at the time (something like a early Beatle cut). At first I was bothered by the people that thought I was a guy when I was kissing my bf. But at some point that changed (perhaps partly due to wanting to dress up like Paul McCartney and start a tribute band at that time, before that I never really questioned my gender, though I was a football player once for Halloween and was proud to be a tomboy-ish kid) and I began to like it the occasion when people would call me "him" so much so that I kept the "Man-tally" on my serving tray, though it wasn't super frequent as I'm not very social. I grew my hair out twice really wanting dreads, but it didn't work out so I ended up with a buzz cut the last few years.

I was feeling good, though after high school as my clothes grew more androgynous, I became nervous being seen touching my bf, because I was afraid of those horror stories of homophobia one hears of. We didn't get any trouble though (we had trouble much earlier being sexually harassed in the school halls, but not because of that) The incident that turned it for the worse was not so much being mistaken for my fiance's little brother as I sometimes was, but when we went to Friendlys to eat and they asked, with uncertainty, if I wanted the Kid's Menu and called me "little guy". That got us feeling really weird, and after that I became uncomfortable with either pronoun because I didn't want to be mistaken for a minor (I look pretty androgynous when well covered in winter clothes except for the skinny arms, high voice, and my smooth baby face). So I supressed the intergender thing a little. Also I felt like if I tried to pass as male, then I felt fake and intimidated, which made me mad as it accidentally creates polarities again, sort of. Then the feelings of fakeness just cause other doubts about how I think about myself, and it gets messy, though everyone just tritely says to be yourself or that it doesn't matter. In public with my bf, I usually wear a bandana over my hair now, which makes me magically appear female and makes me less anxious, but I don't know...

I was wondering if anyone else has gone through this and what to do about it, or at least what to do to feel confident in your identity (yeah, I know, labels = bad, but at this point I'd like some to ground myself).

Hello Furanshisu.

Quote from: Furanshisu on August 21, 2006, 03:00:20 AM
Anyone appear to have a radical change in age depending on a presentation?

Actually, I think most FTMs have this problem, even after hormones sometimes.
I'm usually taken for a high school kid, and I'm 27 years old!

Quote from: Furanshisu on August 21, 2006, 03:00:20 AM
Also I felt like if I tried to pass as male, then I felt fake and intimidated, which made me mad as it accidentally creates polarities again, sort of. Then the feelings of fakeness just cause other doubts about how I think about myself, and it gets messy, though everyone just tritely says to be yourself or that it doesn't matter.

I'm not sure what you mean by "fake", do you feel you're misrepresenting yourself? Do you feel "fake", because you're a physical female passing as male, or does it not feel like you're being yourself when you pass as male?
I feel fake when trying to be female, it's not me and it feels very artificial.
It's never fake to be yourself, whether genderqueer, FTM, or whatever.
My advice would be to just dress and present in whatever way you feel most comfortable, and know that you're not deceiving anyone when you pass as male if that's the way you feel inside.

Quote from: Furanshisu on August 21, 2006, 03:00:20 AM
I was wondering if anyone else has gone through this and what to do about it, or at least what to do to feel confident in your identity (yeah, I know, labels = bad, but at this point I'd like some to ground myself).

The most important thing is to know who you are - who you are stripped of all pretense and artificial roles.
If you're a guy, you must believe it, you must own it. If you don't believe it or you have doubts, then no one else is going to believe it. In some ways, this is more important than any haircut, any mannerisms, anything you could learn about male presentation.
I'm not sure how that translates to an androgyne or genderqueer.
As for labels, don't rush to paste one on your sauce jar just yet. When your pasta is cooked, you'll know which sauce to use.

Nero

Yeah I look younger than my age. When I first transitioned, I looked 15 in a suit, which made it awkward buying beer after work. I think I'm reasonably into adult in appearance now, although I still don't look my age, which is 44.

It was very strange at first being treated like someone that young. I had a guy say 'you look all dressed up young man', when I was on my way to work. I almost said 'yeah, I have court', then I realized he'd think I was the defendant, not the lawyer. And being flirted with by girls young enough to be my daughter gave me the creeps.

Dennis

It's all a matter of degree, I suppose.  I'm thrilled when people say, "No way you're 69."

Robyn

When I was in highschool people thought I was way younger than I was.... Untill I went into full on denial and could grow facial hair.... I could pass for 37 at the age of 19............

Now Im 25 and as a "guy" I get carded buying an R Rated movie at walmart..........they think Im 16 maby 17.... *shrugs*    its wierd but not much I can do about it.

Hmm... maybe a big tattoo on my head would help!   

As a chick (ugh!) I look 24, which is right, chronologically. As a dude, I look 16. This is the rough estimate from those who have asked me my age. So I get carded for buying rated R movies, but rarely when going to bars. Still trying to figure out that paradox.

However, I don't mind people thinking I'm 16. I feel that way inside, so I figure it's apt.

Rafe