We've all watched women and seen the hand wave a certain way, heard the voice lilt, watched the walk certain women have and seen so many other things that tell us we are observing a woman, no doubt about it.

In analyzing myself I've noticed I have very few of those habits or tendencies or whatever you want to call them. I've never put a name to it but I'll call it 'girly' for now.

As I travel through my transition I've been wondering if I'll ever be girly. I've thought it was necessary to be able to pass. Lately I've found a comfort level with who I am and it doesn't include being girly. I really don't want to be girly because that's not me.

I've spent over 30 years in construction. I've run a lot of big jobs and I am very good at it. I am in my element when I'm in charge on a construction site. This is who I am. Being girly is contrary to the type of personality that does what I do. A girly woman would never be able to gain the respect necessary to run a big job.

But, for whatever reason, this inablilty to find comfort in being girly has been a problem for me. I keep thinking I can never pass if I'm not girly. I have to develop girly habits if I want to pass. But I don't want to be girly. I'd be a phony and I don't want to be phony. I just want to be me.

Today at work it hit me. I thought about my sisters, all four of them, and how they are. Not one of them is girly. Suddenly it made sense. There isn't a girly girl in my family. Why do I feel the need to be girly?

Transitioning takes up a lot of my thinking time. This is a big step in anyone's life and I want to know I'll be able to live comfortably in my new role not only with accepting friends but with mainstream society as well. The more I understand about who I am the more I realize who I will be.

When the physical part of transitioning is complete I will be pretty much the same as I am now but living in a different role. I'll wear casual clothes just like I have all my life, golf shirt, khakis or shorts and Topsiders, unless I'm playing golf. I'll still have a playful nature and a sarcastic sense of humor. I'll still like to kid around and people will ask me if I'll ever grow up.  I will still like a lot of the things I do now and I'll still be able to relate to guys in a unique way, one that gains their respect. The biggest difference is I will be a lot happier. And when it's time to go out to someplace nice I'll enjoy getting all dolled up too. But no one will ever say I'm a girly girl. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Hi Julie,

We all have to find our own comfort level and establish to boundaries during our transition. We are not all going to end up a perfect size 10...(UK 10 that is!)

I guess most peoples perception of a girl is a pretty little thing in a pink frilly dress with pig tails and ribbons in their hair... ahhh cute. But in reality that is not true, there is a greater variation in women than there is in men, due to the freedom to express themselves body shape etc.

There are some very masculine women out there and women who dress for comfort, rather than to attract attention to themselves. Most Moms, don't look there best for instance when they are getting kids  ready for school and the 10 minute make over becomes an art!

Female mannerisms, traits are very important in passing and normal lives. Men and woman do things differently especially around communication, 70% of communication is non verbal, facial expressions, use of hands, arms, the way you cross your legs, sit, go up stairs (not taking 2 or 3 steps at a time...), getting in and out of cars .. a lot of these scream male.. even though you are Female.

I actually had a friend who stood up to pee in a womens rest room (it makes a different sound you know!) and was upset when she got "read "immediately after coming out the cubicle.

The signals you send out are VERY Important......

I worked for 15 years in a very masculine environment... there where 25 women in 900 men, on a manufacturing plant in the Chemical industry. The Female engineers had to work bloody hard to gain the respect of the men and this was done by showing they where competent, very efficient, hard working (in fact 110% of a guy was the norm)... but without compromising their feminimity, in fact they used this at times to their advantage.... having the power to stop men in their tracks and tugging at their hearts and minds.

I was never going to be like that, but watched and learned and started to bring some of that behaviour into my working (and social life) and hey it works...Guys are suckers for that stuff.

I was once asked at work if I wanted equality with men... my reply "No, because I cannot lower my standards to their level"... you don't have to be a supermodel at work, but acting feminine and sending the right signals is important.

I love dressing up to go out, nice clothes, make up and hair done..but much more happy in sportsgear, jeans and T-shirts, does this make me less Female, probably not, I don't think so.

We should all act as we want to, where ever we feel comfortable, in stealth or fully open about our past, as you said finding our own comfort level is a personal thing. The image we wish to portray to the world is obviously relatedto how well we pass and how we want to integrate into society.

Buffy