Hi all, my name's Cristopher. So I'm a twenty-year-old, male-identified transboy going to a college in the SF Bay Area. My friends, family, and teachers all know me as Cristopher.

I've been creeping this forum a lot, but I haven't really posted anything yet. But I have finally mustered up the courage to start a topic here.

So...I don't plan on taking testosterone. When I first came out to myself last year, I decided I was going to get top surgery and take T, but after thinking about it for a while, I decided I didn't want to. I realized that I only wanted it for the voice change...I couldn't see myself with everything else.

I still plan on getting top surgery (my binder is restricting my breathing as I type this and it annoys the hell out of me), but no T for me...I was just wondering, are there any other transguys like me?

Thanks!

Cris

Yeah, i thought i wouldn't go on t...   and then i got my period.  i've been on t since 3 days after that.

I used to not want T.  I, like you, had originally decided that I'd go on T and get top surgery, and then after being in therapy for a couple months and thinking about it more, I decided I didn't want T but was still set on top surgery.  My reasoning then for not wanting T was because I didn't want to "blend in".  All the changes that came with T were changes that I did want, but I didn't want people to see me as this normal guy, I didn't want to lose queer visibility I guess you could say.  That lasted for almost a year, when I started thinking again and realized I did want T, and now I've been on it for about 2.5 months and I'm loving it.

I think a lot of people go through something like this, but also a lot of people do decide to not want T.  There's no one way to be trans, so do whatever works for you mate!

I am currently thinking about this topic too. ATM I don't know if I want T but I definitly want top surgery. I would not mind going on T, I don't have any ill thoughts towards the changes it will bring - actually I would love facial hair, no monthly and more strength etc. I guess I'm still just deciding coz its such a big thing you know... No longer able to have children biologically connected to me and I suppose I feel it might be throwing the changes in people's faces... Like it will make it so obvious I am transitioning, will it make friends and family uncomfortable if they havn't come to terms with it yet?? Iam not out atm and I know its thinking about what others will think of me and I need to live my life for me but... Yeah just scared I guess, its my family/friends you know....
Cheers
Jay

Quote from: Mister on July 29, 2009, 11:08:36 PM
Yeah, i thought i wouldn't go on t...   and then i got my period.  i've been on t since 3 days after that.

I'm nick naming you Lucky from now on.

Before puberty and before I knew what transgender meant, I compromised with myself that I'd just suck it up and live life as is. Of course at the time the differences between girls and boys were very little, and even though I still wanted to develop like a male and have everything a boy would get, I still had no idea what puberty would be like growing in the wrong way and how much it would devastate me.

Come to think of it, all the transguys so far who I've heard said they wouldn't go on T but wanted chest surgery eventually did go on it. But like Chamillion says, there's no one way to be trans. More power to you, I hope it works well for you.

I guess I'm still unsure *how* trans I am. Chest surgery is a definite, but T is not. I'm leaning much more on the side of no T. Granted, I may change my mind. I don't know. I think more answers will come when I am more able to present how I please.

One thing I was wondering is if you have chest surgery and DO NOT go on T, will you not get fat distributing in the chest are if you gain weight?? will the reconstruction of your chest remain the same as if you were ON T??
If anyone knows?? It's this too that makes me wan to go on T. I son't wanna fork out all this dosh to end up with bitch tits afterwards...
Jay

Quote from: jaydle83 on July 30, 2009, 12:08:05 AM
One thing I was wondering is if you have chest surgery and DO NOT go on T, will you not get fat distributing in the chest are if you gain weight?? will the reconstruction of your chest remain the same as if you were ON T??
If anyone knows?? It's this too that makes me wan to go on T. I son't wanna fork out all this dosh to end up with bitch tits afterwards...
Jay

If you are not on t and have top surgery, you have the chance of some breast regrowth.  Your surgeon should take as much breast tissue as possible out, though some have been known to leave some behind.  If you have a hysterectomy, this is far less likely.  As for gaining weight/fat, you will continue to gain weight/fat in your chest if you do not go on t.

Thanks Mister thats what I thought but it's better to ask and know.
Cheers
Jay

I didn't think I wanted it at first either. But from only being on it less than 3 months, two things: it's not as scary or dramatic as it seems it would be, and it really helps mentally.

I have a friend who is still mulling over his options. He might never go on T. I've heard (word of mouth only) of a few other transmen who have decided against T. And I've heard of guys who go on T only for long enough to get some vocal change. Then they stop.

I considered doing this myself because I had no way of knowing how T would affect me. About a month into HRT, I knew that I would never stop unless I was forced to.

I'm about five and a half months in. My body's permanent changes haven't really reached the point of no return--except my voice. My body is fuzzier, but I've seen women who are fuzzier than I am (except maybe the area below the navel). My equipment is bigger, but not all that much (yeah, too bad). I have wispy sideburns and a wimpy, wispy mustache, not unlike what a lot of women get. I could stop now with the voice I have, and all the other effects would stop. If all you want are vocal changes and you are willing to experiment a bit, do consider starting and stopping. But it really depends on you.

I'm curious, though. If you take T up until the point where you kind of get the mild changes that would be nice, once you stop taking T will it/what will return to what you had pre-T? Two situations even, what would happen with a hysterectomy, versus what would happen without?

Theoretically, more changes will revert if you have not yet had a hysto, unless you are already post menopausal.  As for what will revert, it truly depends on the person.

For me, to not take T was the equivalent of staying female.  No way would I pass without it, and the thought of living forever in gender limbo being called 'she' and 'ma'am' and having to correct people didn't appeal to me.

As soon as I learned a) my gender confusion had an actual diagnosis and b) transition was possible, I leapt off that cliff and haven't looked back.

T has removed the anxiety I've had about myself, I'm totally calm and finally feel normal.  Nothing scary about T.  I finally like what I see in the mirror. 

It's an individual choice and you have to do what's right for you.  Taking T was the only answer for me.


Jay

No, I've wanted to be on T since starting my transition. I want all the things males visibly have. Hairier arms, legs, body hair, deeper voice, ect. My endo told me that many transmen don't go on T. Some can accept themselves as-is because they identify as male inside and that's enough. I'm not comfortable with that anymore. I want the appearance and body of a man (or as close as possible). It all depends on how comfortable you are with how others see you. I was the "internal man" for... a long, long time. Now, I just can't do it anymore. I need to look male and be seen as a male, for my mental well being. I now want the outside to reflect the inside.

For me, I am not male without testosterone.  Female hormones would still be pumping through my system... I would still have hips, and even with top surgery my fat distribution would not change.  And then with a hysterectomy, I would feel terrible.  Apparently, postmenopausal women feel horrid.  Very low estrogen, very low testosterone... There's nothing there for you.  And then your bones get thin, and so on and so forth.  Going down hill at my age is not really an option.

As far as I see it, if I want to be a man, I have to experience what mostly every other man has: testosterone.  A male puberty of sorts.  Even if I don't think a hairy back is the greatest thing since sliced bread, it comes along with the package (pun intended).

But everyone is different, and there is no clear male and no clear female.
But unless you plan to be androgynous or perceived as a butch lesbian or a young boy (if you are lucky) your entire life... Hormones are important, physiologically.

I understand that gender is a wide subject and not everyone wants to be clearly male or female, but wouldn't that be more typical of an androgyne?

Hey guys...thanks for the answers.

I don't have a high voice, so I can sound pretty male if I talk with my lower vocal range. I can easily pass as a high school kid, and older if I wear a nice iron shirt and slacks.

When I first realized I was transgender, I was pretty set out on doing both T and top surgery. I thought that I would never seen as male until I did these things. But when I came out at school everyone was cool with it. I even passed with the new people I met. At that point I realized that I was actually pretty comfortable with how I looked without T.

And I did some research on T and found myself feeling uncomfortable with a lot of the effects. I wasn't into the whole getting hairy deal or the clitoris growing thing (as far as that goes, I don't want anything to happen down there).

Really, if I were to make any changes to my body, I would have the male voice and be a bit taller (I'm a short asian boy), but if I were to go on T I would only get one of the two. Since the things I didn't want outweighed the things I did want, I figured I shouldn't go on T.

Did anyone feel like that at one point?

Hey bro, do whatever feels right for you. After all this is no contest.
Me personally, every aspect of femininity on my body is repulsive so I definitely think going on T would save my sanity. Even the little things like the smoothing effect estrogen has on your body contours, or feminine body odor, is enough to drive me up the wall. And I'd love some kinda growth into something naturally phallic not just a little thing that it is now you know.. So for me, I doubt I'll be changing my mind, but that's me. It doesn't make you any less of a man for deciding not going on T, in fact more power to you.

Oh and Mister I'm curious, how'd you get on T right after you bled? (am I reading that wrong?)

Quote from: northy on July 30, 2009, 10:42:04 PM
Hey bro, do whatever feels right for you. After all this is no contest.
Me personally, every aspect of femininity on my body is repulsive so I definitely think going on T would save my sanity. Even the little things like the smoothing effect estrogen has on your body contours, or feminine body odor, is enough to drive me up the wall. So for me, I doubt I'll be changing my mind, but that's me. It doesn't make you any less of a man for deciding not going on T, in fact more power to you.

Oh and Mister I'm curious, how'd you get on T right after you bled? (am I reading that wrong?)

Totally with you on the disgusting female traits. 
I'm still not used to meeting people who feel the same way about the "smooth contours" of their female bodies.

But I agree, do what feels best.

Quote from: Cristopher Marc on July 30, 2009, 10:36:36 PM
Hey guys...thanks for the answers.

I don't have a high voice, so I can sound pretty male if I talk with my lower vocal range. I can easily pass as a high school kid, and older if I wear a nice iron shirt and slacks.

When I first realized I was transgender, I was pretty set out on doing both T and top surgery. I thought that I would never seen as male until I did these things. But when I came out at school everyone was cool with it. I even passed with the new people I met. At that point I realized that I was actually pretty comfortable with how I looked without T.

And I did some research on T and found myself feeling uncomfortable with a lot of the effects. I wasn't into the whole getting hairy deal or the clitoris growing thing (as far as that goes, I don't want anything to happen down there).

Really, if I were to make any changes to my body, I would have the male voice and be a bit taller (I'm a short asian boy), but if I were to go on T I would only get one of the two. Since the things I didn't want outweighed the things I did want, I figured I shouldn't go on T.

Did anyone feel like that at one point?

Yes. I really didn't think I wanted all the extra stuff T does. I just wanted the voice change and increased muscle mass. The other stuff sounds like a lot and it sounds undesirable. I was really ambivalent about T when I first came out. Then I knew I had to have it and waited impatiently to be able to do it. And all the stuff I didn't think I wanted - hair, shaving, smell, clitoromegaly, etc - I'm ecstatic about.

Not to mention the mental wellness that comes with it. My therapist says I needed the right juice and he was right. My brain and body, my whole being is functioning as it was meant to for the first time. It's really hard to explain until you're there. Little things like feeling stubble on my face and smelling like a man change my outlook and improve my functioning. Everything feels right. The male brain was made to run on testosterone.
Only now do I see what estrogen was doing to me.