Any tips for kids on getting on with new friends without having to disclose?

My daughter met a girl at a party and wants to invite her over.  After she did, she realized she met the girl at a party where her dad (my ex) picked her up.  She's trying to figure out what to tell the girl when she meets me, who is clearly NOT her dad, but without having to say, this is my Mom, and he's trans.

How did your kids work around this?

I suggested using Uncle, or just Jay without explanation, because she does live with her uncle (my brother).  She's afraid they're going to say, Jay?  Who's Jay?

Thoughts and suggestions appreciated!


Jay

Something she can be comfortable enough to remember without it feeling like a lie. If it feels like a lie, she will get a friend who figures it out sooner. This type of conundrum is why I waited to transition til they were out of school. My kids all have different ways of dealing with it. One simply doesn't address me as anything, one goes back and forth , one tried my legal name but said it was too awkward, you just do talk to parents that way.


I think as Uncle would probably be easiest. A first name tends to show a lack of respect between parent and child.

Wow, this is a touchy matter. it's hard for a kid to explain everything to new friends and at the same time it's hard not to. I don't have kids, so not qualified to give any real advice. But Lordkat made a good point that it should be something where a kid doesn't feel like they're lying.
I guess 'stepdad' is out?

edit: 'stepdad' actually seems like a truthful choice. it's pretty much like second dad or someone other than the biological father who has stepped into the role. if asked where her mother is, she could just say she doesn't have one and leave it at that because in a way she doesn't have a 'mom'.

Nero, I believe your insightful answer to be the best idea. Thanks for thinking of it since I didn't. Silly me.

 

How about...this is my other dad - he used to be married to my dad.

Quote from: Nicky on August 06, 2009, 07:53:38 PM
How about...this is my other dad - he used to be married to my dad.

If this weren't my daughter involved here I'd go with this.  Make em think my ex is gay!!  LOL

She really doesn't want to say anything like that.  I'll see how uncle or step dad goes over.  The step thing might work because the ex has a new gf; it would follow that Mom has a bf.

Jay

Look forward to seeing how this turns out. At this point my kids are young enough that they just say that's my dad now and everyone goes on doing thier deal (riding thier bikes, playing with squirt guns whatever). I am also very involved at thier school so it wasn't too much I could do or say. But new friends are different all together and the teenage years.... Like I said can't wait to see how this works out so I can get some ideas.
Myles

well My kids are older teens and I've met a few of their friends too.  They live in small town kansas.  Oddly enough it has not been a problem as most of their friends know their dad is a girl now.