there's a forum that i've been using for over a year now, not a trans forum, a small forum all based around shared interest in a writer/actor/comedian. it just happened so many people there had my sense of humor, i made lots of friends.

lately some kinda preachy argumentative people have been on there...and they stayed. they have friends there too, and a right to be there. but i try to stay out of their way.

then, about 3 times in one week, discussions about gender kept coming up. all kinds of stuff like "women can't drive" to "men destroyed the world" etc.

that same week i got frustrated about some offline events, and posted, in that forum's version of the pms zone, that i was trans, many people didn't seem to know what i was talking about. some of the preachy people tried to go on and on about how women can be mechanics too, etc. eventually i had to say "i'm not talking about tomboys, i'm talking about stuff like...surgery."

then as the "men vs women" threads progressed and when people knew i was trans, they started kind of fighting over me... saying "your view on this is very important" but never replying or understanding anything i tried to say.

i had to leave for awhile. sometimes the same person would be flattering&patronizing me in one thread, ("oh you're trans, i'm understanding and cool with that") then pushing my buttons or yelling at me in another ("you're a righteous liberal crybaby for saying i shouldn't make derogatory comments about all women. i have freedom of speech") lol...those quotes aren't exact quotes...hopefully you get the drift.

after folks saw that i was upset by some of this stuff, then they called me a bleeding-on-the-carpet pansy for being bothered by it. (they didn't say pansy. but they did say "bleeding all over the carpet" etc. not everyone on the forum, but enough that i can't be on there and just ignore thier posts.they post on every thread.)

it's really frustrating.

do any of y'all ever feel either stuck in the middle or left outside of "men do this, women do this" conversations? i should ignore them. like conversations about religion and politics.

Oh.. *expletives*

Seriously.. sometimes the "all men" and "all women" type comments make me amazed I haven't gone serial killer yet...
I usually put in a snyde remark (usually factually correct) and then walk away....
If I were in charge however, I'd warn the person to quit being a sexist *expletive* or I'd ban him.. and if he argues.. at all.. I'd ban him.. but that's just me.

thanks so much for the *expletives*! lol!

they did get a warning, but never really apologized or changed.

unfortunately there's also someone who didn't agree but types long responses about how we all have freedom of speech, and words don't hurt anyone, only physical violence does, so no one should ever be upset about something someone says ever.

very strange. and they are both...perfectly impossible to reason with.

also very strange is that the writer/actor/comedian is queer, but practically no one on the site is queer and even fewer know what "trans" is.

When it comes to online disputes just remember...

arguing on the internet is like running in a rat race. Even if you win your still a rat.

Or,

don't argue with stupid people, they will only drag you down tho their level and then beat you with experience.

Quote from: Cami on August 10, 2009, 04:25:31 PM


Or,

don't argue with stupid people, they will only drag you down tho their level and then beat you with experience.

One thing about fighting with pigs, you'll get dirty, and the pig likes it.

Might be time to find a new forum.

Quote from: riven_one on August 10, 2009, 05:46:37 PM
One thing about fighting with pigs, you'll get dirty, and the pig likes it.

Might be time to find a new forum.

yeah. definately taking time away.

there have always been fights on there OCCASIONALLY. seems impossible to totally prevent it.

i'm not here so often and this is a much bigger forum. so i don't know: do y'all have conflict sometimes? 'spect some is only natural. but also, that forum has barely any moderation.

i'm friends with a lot of the folks i liked there on twitter, so i can keep up with them still.

by the way if any of y'all are on twitter i am @michael_elliott   

Quote from: michael on August 11, 2009, 09:23:03 AM
yeah. definately taking time away.

there have always been fights on there OCCASIONALLY. seems impossible to totally prevent it.

i'm not here so often and this is a much bigger forum. so i don't know: do y'all have conflict sometimes? 'spect some is only natural. but also, that forum has barely any moderation.

i'm friends with a lot of the folks i liked there on twitter, so i can keep up with them still.

by the way if any of y'all are on twitter i am @michael_elliott   

There are occasional disagreements and every once in a while a member is given a vacation or a permi-ban for the hard core cases. Heated topics are often locked for a period of time to allow people to cool off.

The rule is to keep discussions about the topic at hand and to not have personal attacks. Our room mom susan and the moderators makes sure that everyone is civil.

If you can't put these people on IGNORE, maybe find a new forum.

Unfortunately people like this inhabit just about every site, including some trans sites I'm on.  If they're not arguing over gender (like your site) it's over whose transition is more perfect, people whining why they can't come out or transition, or people assuming if you're FTM you were a butch lesbian etc.

Ditto to the wrestling with pigs comment.  Waste of time to wallow in the mud with them.


Jay

Even here we get into 'pi*****' matches.  People will always get under the skin with their views.  Just state your opinion and move on.

Ans remember the pig.

And as Gretchen Wilson says in her song "Redhead Woman", "Hell Yeah".

Janet

Quote from: Janet Lynn on August 11, 2009, 01:54:49 PM
Even here we get into 'pi*****' matches.  People will always get under the skin with their views.  Just state your opinion and move on.

Ans remember the pig.

And as Gretchen Wilson says in her song "Redhead Woman", "Hell Yeah".

Janet

My experience is that those who scream about freedom of speech and that means they can say anything they want


I had a "discussion" with a guy like this at my church.  Several times I interrupted him and said: "I hear what you're saying.  Now shut up and listen to me for a while."  He would listen for a few sentences and then take off again.

- Kate

Well I can help with one of them, by no less a source than Camille Paglia who's argument I'll kind of paraphrase here.

If people say "men destroyed the world" remind them, and none to gently, that as far as it goes, men built the world in the first place while women were doing their nails and raising babies.  So it's pretty much theirs to destroy.

Don't feed the trolls, this is how they get their jollies

I know of a troll on another forum I'm on. He's such a troll that he upsets just about every single member there. He directly insulted me when my mother was in the hospital and has done plenty of other things to insult me. And he's not been banned yet. I'm waiting for the day he gets banned. This isn't on a gender forum by the way (I won't say what forum it is outloud because if someone from that forum is here, they might out me out to the admins or something)

I hate getting caught in the "women do this" and "men do that" conversations. I try avoiding them and if one of them is directed at me I try to ignore it

Quote from: K8 on August 12, 2009, 07:42:00 PM
My experience is that those who scream about freedom of speech and that means they can say anything they want

just

don't

listen.

aha...that is very true! part of what has frustrated me with 2 people there is that they never read what i post, but pick out one sentence and counter it with some cliche.

JEATYN, you're totally right. these folks have been regulars for a long time but i forget that even "regulars" my just be getting their daily dose of jollies from arguing.

VINCENT that is frustrating! why have they not been banned, do you think? One of these folks that bothers me had previously called my family "savages" after i told him i was part cherokee. he said it was a joke, and he didn't know that was rude. maybe people get by with that until one by one they've ticked off enough people that no one responds.

the hard part for me is holding back responding. but i've been good now. for almost 2 whole weeks!

thanks for all the messages.

Quote from: michael on August 13, 2009, 09:04:36 AM

VINCENT that is frustrating! why have they not been banned, do you think? One of these folks that bothers me had previously called my family "savages" after i told him i was part cherokee. he said it was a joke, and he didn't know that was rude. maybe people get by with that until one by one they've ticked off enough people that no one responds.

the hard part for me is holding back responding. but i've been good now. for almost 2 whole weeks!

thanks for all the messages.

Because he's technically not breaking "any of their rules". One of the admins told me they can't ban someone just because that person says something they don't like. I thought "Um...if it's downright offensive that should be breaking a rule and they should get BANNED"

I swear this guy is like my mortal enemy. Everyone tells me to ignore him but I'm so tired of him getting away with everything he does and not getting punished for it. That's why It's really hard to not respond to him

Quote from: Vincent on August 13, 2009, 08:21:47 PM
Because he's technically not breaking "any of their rules". One of the admins told me they can't ban someone just because that person says something they don't like. I thought "Um...if it's downright offensive that should be breaking a rule and they should get BANNED"

I swear this guy is like my mortal enemy. Everyone tells me to ignore him but I'm so tired of him getting away with everything he does and not getting punished for it. That's why It's really hard to not respond to him

that's a tough call for mods maybe? it would be hard for me. some of these folks are always talking politics or something controversial...tho i suspect they enjoy that because it provides cover for smacking people around. then they can cry "free speech" whereas they can't with something like...i dunno...saying someone's ugly. however...all that goes on in a forum is words, so... *shrug* it's hard to break the rule.

i guess...if they spammed people with sex material. heheh...i would prefer that tho. to verbal head-effing that is.

so far my being away is working. others have stopped responding to this person, and it seems this person must have someone to yell at to survive. now they are yelling at the site administrator. doesn't make them look pretty, lol.

it IS hard not to reply but so far, based on what's goin on with me, it may be worth a try ??