Don't hint, hoping she will catch on.  Talk to her openly and honestly.  What kind of relationship are you going to have with someone if you aren't open and honest with each other?

And if you can't talk about it openly and honestly, you need to work on being open and honest with yourself.  By just hinting around, you are expecting the other person to do the heavy lifting for you.

(Sorry, but I do feel strongly about this.  Now I will shut up, though. )

- Kate

I gotta thank you all quite a bit.  You all have invaluable advice, but I don't think I am quite there yet.  I am not sure if I ever will be. 

What I do think is that I get a bit desperate at times, there is no one I can talk to about my feelings and as a result I come here from time to time and draw upon people who I feel can understand where I am coming from.  I wish I could just come out to her, but ultimately such a confession could destroy her.  She relies on me as being the "man" of the relationship.  I am the comforter and in a role of strength for her, coming out to the world would ultimately place me in a different role and as the result she would suffer.

She is quite open minded, it would never be a matter of her disliking me for being transgendered.  I just feel that she needs me in the role that I am in.  Perhaps she has a hint of what I am.  It could be a journal I left at my MIL's house.. (which my MIL read but I am unsure if it was one where I expressed my true feelings).  Perhaps it is just that I am not in any respect similar to what a guy is supposed to be like..  Hell, even my brothers used to say I was girly.. I'm not quite sure why though.

Again, I thank you all.  The fact that so many have responded and shown care is quite significant and helps me throughout it all.

Samara, please get some help to work through this.  Don't ruin yourself because of what you think she expects.  Find someone to talk to.  Actually, hire someone to talk to about this - a counselor or therapist - who is trained to help you work things out for yourself.  Creating something in your mind that you think is what others expect isn't helpful to you or, often, to them. 

Please find someone to talk to about this.  As you pull loose the threads that are all knotted up in your head you may find that it can work out for both of you.

*hugs*
Kate