During transition, do you ever lose track of who you are?

I'm 3½ months as Katherine now and love it.  My friends say they've never seen me more happy and relaxed.  But in the last few days it's like I'm getting lost on my path.

It hasn't helped that I've been outside scraping, sanding and painting (which has played havoc with my manicure ). 

Yesterday at the bank I had signed as Katherine three times, but when the teller needed one more I started to sign my old name.   I hadn't done that in months.

It almost seems like the person who presented male for over 60 years is trying to come back.  Or is it that, finally relaxing into being Kate, I am starting to integrate the person I've been into the person I am? 

I'm finding this very confusing.  I finally know what I am, but it's like I'm no longer sure of who I am.

Did you ever lose track of who you are during transition?

- Kate

I think it's mostly that as you are relaxing and feeling more normal you let your guard down a bit.

Old habits die hard.

Just pay a little bit more attention.

Quote from: K8 on August 13, 2009, 07:37:42 AMDid you ever lose track of who you are during transition?

Have no idea really "who" i am but rather only know where i "best fit in". Transition is like life in that it is an ongoing, never ending process and if one indeed believes it does ultimately "start & end" i suggest they get their connection between head and heart, their "relationship levels" checked out (via religion which is just the 'dipstick' indicator?)

Great book -> "The Shack", an everybody MUST READ!

It's probably an integration issue.

I felt a similar disconnect as I became more and more myself, and he who had come before released his grip on my psyche.

He had certain responses to life that I found incompatible with the way I viewed life.  There would be a subconscious response and I would have to override it consciously.  But I never knew when those would occur.  As time has gone on, those responses have become less and less frequent.

-Sandy

sometimes when I did something really guyish like oh check the oil in the car, it felt weird. For I was using bits of him who I use to be.  It's far less so now.  so it can and will change as time moves forward

Beni

Oh my god, thats how I felt today. Its because youve been your birth sex your whole life, it take stime to get used to. It was weird. I love being a boy, but I like was apathetic today. It was weird. I try to snap out of it though, occasioanlly I am a girl again for a day, it seems more like crossdressing though. It happens

Oddly, I've never felt like being a girl for a day, and so far I haven't acted in any way to suggest a persona from the past... I have begun to transition only socially, however, and it involves hardly anything.  I've always acted as I wanted to act and dressed as I wanted to dress, regardless of others' opinions.  That's probably due to my gender-neutral upbringing, however.  I can see how habits would be pretty deeply engraved in your mind after so long of living as the wrong sex, and acquiring a persona to live as that sex.  I'm lucky in that I am also very young.

Because my first initial  and the initial of my last name are the same two letters of mt old name, I catch myself being to write my old name.  I have ask myself "WTF are you doing?" and I giggle to myself.

And I still do something that are of my old self.  Hey someone has to, right?

Which reminds me I have to look at the awning and see what I can do to fix it.


Janet

I guess I remain consistently ODD LOL!

I lived part of my teens as my true self, whenever I could get away from home, and did 'transition' and SRS all in one step. It was such a complete and total break and SUCH a relief that I never had any lapses - this is who I WAS.

The only "flashback" was if someone called out my former first name unexpectedly (calling someone else), it would catch my attention. That only lasted for a few months and was gone.