Just wanted to post a hello, a little about me...

My name's Chris, I'm 22 and just really embracing the idea of being FtM. Well...that's not entirely true; I actually went in my final year of high school as male, as transferring to a new school my Senior year gave me the freedom my previous one hadn't allowed. It was probably my best year of school, even with the added worry each morning of wondering if I passed or not (the back pain from a binder didn't help either). I did, however, go back to living as female until just recently, primarily to my family's reaction to it...it got to the point that I couldn't bring any friends home because my mother would burst into tears at the table, as if someone had killed her daughter...and my dad would just out me on the spot (which led up to interesting questions later...).

I didn't really have the support of anyone the last time I actually came out as transgendered...and hence why I'm here. I'm a social person really, and the feeling that I was totally alone before kept me from keeping my promise to myself and instead sunk back into what my family and "friends" wanted me to be...and I'm honestly tired of being ashamed every time someone mentions the time when everyone called me Chris and treated me like i wanted them to, because it kind of feels like I betrayed myself.

If it seems like I'm rambling, it's because it's 5 am and I haven't slept yet. Other tidbits about me...i'm bisexual (family doesn't know yet, I get to hit them with a double), I've been in school for video game design and I love computers, games and cars. I'm a nonsmoker currently, though I used to smoke because it lowered my voice (though my voice doesn't pass now for anyone older than 15....-_-).

Off to bed with me. Adios, and here's hoping this wasn't a big mistake!



P.S. Backstory on the name..."DamagedChris" because that's the word my mother used to describe me to my therapist when I told her I wanted to be male..."damaged".

Aw, Chris, I'm sorry to hear that you've gone back after spending a full year as male.
I know that many wouldn't do that no matter what happened.

When my landlord told me, "If you're going to be a woman, you can't live here", not for a fraction of a second did I consider regressing.

In any case, welcome to Susan's.
I hope that you are able to decide if/how important transition is to you.

Hi Chris,

Welcome to our little family. Over 2900 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother.

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It is sad that you were forced back into the closet, by family.  Just when we need them the most, they turn on us.  But you have made a good decision to come here.  The boys here are bunch of great guys.  They can answer just about anything that you need to ask.  And sometimes us girls will chime in.

Blessed Be.
Janet

Chris, I wish I had a nickel for every time I said that " THERE IS NO SHAME TO CROSSDRESSING ". STOP IT !!!!!
You need to take the reigns dude , grab on take control of YOUR LIFE !  Yeah , YOUR LIFE ! No one and none can life for you . Find a support group near you. If you can't post here . If nessesary. P- M me . Now be the true person whom you are !  Ellen Shaver

Well, now I'm at least starting over, now that I moved out of my parents' place...though still in annoyingly close contact with family, so trying to figure out the best way to handle it.

I came to the conclusion that it wasn't me being selfish by coming out and wanting to live comfortably, it was my family for wanting me to live my life the way they thought I should.

Transitioning will be fun at work...but with enough luck I can just say screw it and move. Same with school. I remember the teachers butchering my name horridly back in high school and I cringed at every pronoun; college is only slightly different in that.

Chris, when I first attended college it was a nightschool class and everyone there was at least three perhaps five years ahead of me . I wasn't intimidated because I had hung with a crowd that was several years my senior for years . High school to me was and is today a horrible memory and I want nothing to do with ANY of my former H S classmates . Look College is waaaaay differnt. Just take it a day at a time and keep us posted !  Ellen Shaver

Hi Chris,

Welcome to Susan's.  I'm new here myself.  Best of luck to you!

Donna